Trying to stay off Heroin

[developingcolor]

Hey guys, I've been an IV drug user for almost two years now. last december it got to a low point where i started taking money from my dad's bank account and pawning everything we owned to get a fix. I moved to another state to live with my mom to try and get sober. I was sober for about a month until i ended up finding H in this new state and feel back into the cycle. I was kicked out of my moms and went back to my dad's and binged for a month. I just recently came back to my moms and i'm on my second day of withdrawals. I'm just having a hard time staying clean because once i use again i feel like i can't control myself and lose myself with the drug. I'm suffering from daily depression where the future just seems pointless. Do you guys have any advice? I feel trapped.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey color.. this sounds really familiar.. sounds like you have a pretty decent addiction. what have you done to address the addiction and what have you done to address any possible roots to it?

 

[caseface99]

Hey, welcome to Sober Living!

Like NSA said this sounds familiar for sure. I've been there myself countless times. First of all, stop trying to move away from drugs. As you found out, drugs are everywhere. We naturally gravitate towards like minded individuals and addicts are incredibly ingenuitive people. If you want to get high, you WILL find a way. Drugs aren't the problem anyway, You're the problem. I don't mean that in a harsh way, but wherever you go there you are and like I said if you want to get high, you will find a way. Like NSA said addressing the roots of addiction is fairly important in overcoming it.

When I was 18, I moved out of my parents house and went as far away as I could, to the other side of the country in an attempt to get away from drugs. I ended up shooting dope for almost 4 more years before getting my shit together. I had to make a lot of tough decisions, like cutting myself off from everyone I knew who used. Deleted phone numbers, cutting contact, everything. I started hanging out solely with other people who had either overcome their addictions or never had one. The first month or two are always the most difficult with cravings, and I would very strongly recommend you try to get some sort of support either from therapists, support groups, friends who have gotten sober, etc. You didn't get addicted to drugs by doing nothing, and you won't get sober by doing nothing. It will take work, but the rewards will be limitless. You have to decide if you want to get your life back, and if you do then commit to doing whatever it takes to make that happen.

please feel free to ask any specific questions and don't be afraid to utilize SL/TDS for support, there's a great community of people here who are going through and have been through similar struggles. You aren't alone, and you don't need to do this alone.

 

[whiteroom67]

CaseFace has got it down... you need to replace the addiction with other things. Boredom and depression along with loneliness are major contributors to relapse. And the depression isn't physiological... not after the first month or so at least. After the first month of getting clean, the depression is at least 90% mental. And it's caused by not filling your life with other fulfilling activities. Get connected to the community by doing the things you have always wanted to do but never did. Don't be scared and don't be lazy. It's tough in the beginning but once you get started the momentum will carry you through. After awhile heroin will seem pointless and you will actually start to view it as something that would get in the way of your new found happiness. If you find yourself thinking about using in a positive way again, don't let it get to you. Don't fall into your mind's trap of having the thought of using drag you back down. Observe that thought, and that feeling inside of you, know it's there and watch it. Literally watch that thought. And then watch yourself watching it. You will realize that the thought of using is something separate from yourself that you can't let control you. Have you ever heard of the phrase "my mind has a mind of it's own"? Well, that's it. It's your ego saying it needs more, it needs help, it needs something because you are not good enough. Don't listen to it. Your ego telling you those things is bullshit. Like I said, next time it tries to tell you doing drugs might be a good idea, watch that thought, and the feeling/emotions it creates withing you. Your thoughts and emotions are connected like that (if you feel an emotion, it is because of a thought, subconscious or not. If you think a thought, it may be because of an emotion you don't yet recognize, but they are almost never inseparable). Once they (your ego, and the thought and feelings associated with it) see you watching them, at that point you, knowing it's just them... they will go away, because when they know you know they are there, they can't pull their bullshit on you and control you anymore. This will only work when you have those other things going for you though. So occupy yourself with those things you've always wanted to do, be aware of your ego, and the rest will take care of itself. And over time, it will only get easier.