Trying to stay clean but found an old stash

[AnonBuper]

Here's the thing. I've been good. I've stuck to doctor prescribed Bupe. Been clean about 3 months and had planned to stay that way. First challenge, a big rock of snow magically appeared. I hid it in one of my stash spots. When I went to get it, there was a second container that had 5 bags of h I had misplaced. So far I've stayed away from them. I know 5 bags will last me less than 3 days and then I'd be back in the game I'm trying to sit out of. When I fall off the wagon the pattern is usually 2 or so weeks of bad behavior, then one rotten transition day, 2 less rotten recovery days, and then back on my doctor's program. Beside a general desire to stay off that shit, I really hate that 3 day transition period. I know I'm a wimp because at least I have Bupe to shorten the period. I try to avoid precip WD but it still is unpleasant. I don't have time in my life.

I know what I should do. I need to get it away from me. I need to stay the recovery course. Yet that devil is calling me.

 

[Mysterie]

if you wrote out all the reasons on paper, what reasons you have to use, and what reasons are there to throw it away or sell it

to spread it out logically or at least be honest with yourself about why you are tempted to go down the same road uve already experienced, could help?

then theres a chance to commit to whatever lifestyle you desire for yourself, and then feel good about whatever decision you make.

but i think its important to be self-aware when feelings of cravings and things arise, and not to just go into auto-pilot and have a binge or w/e.

 

[beniceman]

Flush it. If you've already been that deep into h you know where it leads to. Get some weed if you need to get high.

 

[aq.]

>>>>>>>>>> sober living

 

[Just A Guy]

Ahhh, OP -- I can relate to this. And I have given in to temptation every time until I OD or have a bad experience and scare myself into getting it gone. But you, you have the presence of mind to have brought yourself to this point and even have the ability to make whatever decision you really want to make, like Mysterie said, take control, be amazing.