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Trying to maintain while greiving...

cripkeeper

cripkeeper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
395
Location
Midwest, United States
I have always been a heavy drinker and heavy user of "lighter" drugs, or so I think. Mainly pain pills, benzos, weed, and of course lots of alcohol. I recently lost a very dear loved one, very suddenly. My heart is completely shattered. Like I said before it happened I was using the above, and after the habit remains about the same.

I was just wondering what others might have to say about trying to maintain while being in this state. I work construction where I am completely sober, and it's very hard to not lose it because as we all know, when something like this happens it runs through the mind over and over, even when we can't afford it to. Maybe I just needed to let it out what I am going through. I'm not special, we all have it at points in our lives. And fortunately as I stated, my use has been about the same, sometimes it kinda helps, sometimes it doesn't.

I'm just so sad, but I have to keep my job and everything else. Wondering what others have done in such a situation.
 
If anything having to go to work and be sober will be a big help. Been through this too many times and as soon as I had a free moment, I found myself getting high. Not that I needed an excuse because I would have done it anyway. Just be careful because it's easy for the line to get blurred. Sorry man <3
 
Yes and though it is tough to go to work and deal with, for me personally it is better than sitting home with too much time on my hands and thinking about it too much..all alone.
 
Crip, I definitely know what it means to have to shove it all down every day for work or even just socializing with friends. I wrote about it all the time as a way to let it out as much as possible. You don't have to be a writer--even a sentence or two can at least create the space to allow yourself to cry or scream into a pillow or whatever helps. Be really careful that you do not increase your use--of course the temptation will be there but numbing the pain just kicks the can down the road and somehow that can has a way of growing bigger each time you kick it.

I'm really sorry and if you want a place to tal about your feelings as they come up this thread might be a good place.Some of us use it once and some of us come back any time we need to.Sometimes you just need to say over and over how much it hurts. <3
 
Let the grief flow. It is a process. I am an pain med opiate user and I decided to maintain my use until the severe emotional pain of bereavement became more manageable. It saved my life I think.

I'm now trying to reduce by tapering my opiates. I think without my crutch, my devastation and heartbreak would lead me to me killing myself, but the grieving process has to be worked through. First year was a write-off for me, just staying home by myself and numbing the utter devastation with my opiates.

PM me if you need to get support from someone who't been there.
 
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