My Baby boy, sounds corny but this is the man that I feel so much for, the Man who I love to hold, who smells like 'home' to me.
After 4/5 plus years, the man who I've thought of every day and who's face is the most beautiful thing I see. The only one whose given me the oppertunity to prove I can be commited to something, who I've said 'I love you' to and meant it, and even when doubting what I've said, has unashamedly pursued me and needed me and made me love him because he 'needs' me.
Yes, it is Co-dependence; he is the child I dont have, but he is the beautiful man that I always wanted, the one who holds me and makes me feel so warm, the one I want to make love to me, and even when I feel bad about myself and physically reject him; he still makes me want to be extra close to him and no-one but him.
He is an Alcoholic, it has ruined any possibility of us having something 'real'. I've blamed him , blamed myself, blamed life and biology. I worry about him so much. We have a futile future if I stay with him. The Romantic tragedy is a classical farce(Im so angry at this because I've read all the books, know,reasonably, all the possible 'outcomes' of this kind of relationship!
Despite all the 'Alcoholic' Stereotypes, he has taught me how to love a man. No-one can match him in my eyes, I know I'm a die hard loyalist/Romantic but, honestly He is what I always wanted, despite his flaws. However, life with him is on a loop, with the constant Adultress: Alcohol. For this reason our relationship is broken.
Obvious, as though it sounds, in my Experience, she is but a Tiny hindrance compared to what He has given me ...he is the ONLY real man I've ever come across. Kind, Innocent and raw with humanity and emotion and his Spirit is so beautiful.
Im drowning in tears writing this, I know it sounds dramatic, I'm a blubbering mess of emotion. To anyone reading this it must sound like silly emotion and emotion is always silly...but...He is the only Man that exists for me, the only one Ive been myself with, loyal to, the one who feels like a Father, Brother and Son all wraped up into one
.
I'm so lucky and gratefull to have experienced this.
Please Pray that he'l get better, Im def sure he'l survive, he will get on without me no problem but dunno if his will for drink will ever subside.
I've asked him to look for someone else, although it would hurt like shit, knowing he'd be okay...I'd get over it...but he thinks I have the answers for him and I dont. I feel so powerless, helpless knowing that I dont know anything.
After 4/5 plus years, the man who I've thought of every day and who's face is the most beautiful thing I see. The only one whose given me the oppertunity to prove I can be commited to something, who I've said 'I love you' to and meant it, and even when doubting what I've said, has unashamedly pursued me and needed me and made me love him because he 'needs' me.
Yes, it is Co-dependence; he is the child I dont have, but he is the beautiful man that I always wanted, the one who holds me and makes me feel so warm, the one I want to make love to me, and even when I feel bad about myself and physically reject him; he still makes me want to be extra close to him and no-one but him.
He is an Alcoholic, it has ruined any possibility of us having something 'real'. I've blamed him , blamed myself, blamed life and biology. I worry about him so much. We have a futile future if I stay with him. The Romantic tragedy is a classical farce(Im so angry at this because I've read all the books, know,reasonably, all the possible 'outcomes' of this kind of relationship!
Despite all the 'Alcoholic' Stereotypes, he has taught me how to love a man. No-one can match him in my eyes, I know I'm a die hard loyalist/Romantic but, honestly He is what I always wanted, despite his flaws. However, life with him is on a loop, with the constant Adultress: Alcohol. For this reason our relationship is broken.
Obvious, as though it sounds, in my Experience, she is but a Tiny hindrance compared to what He has given me ...he is the ONLY real man I've ever come across. Kind, Innocent and raw with humanity and emotion and his Spirit is so beautiful.
Im drowning in tears writing this, I know it sounds dramatic, I'm a blubbering mess of emotion. To anyone reading this it must sound like silly emotion and emotion is always silly...but...He is the only Man that exists for me, the only one Ive been myself with, loyal to, the one who feels like a Father, Brother and Son all wraped up into one
.
I'm so lucky and gratefull to have experienced this.
Please Pray that he'l get better, Im def sure he'l survive, he will get on without me no problem but dunno if his will for drink will ever subside.
I've asked him to look for someone else, although it would hurt like shit, knowing he'd be okay...I'd get over it...but he thinks I have the answers for him and I dont. I feel so powerless, helpless knowing that I dont know anything.