Trying to identify my issues

[erniestavros]

I posted here before about the same situation, but this time i want to know where the hell it could be caused from. When i was a kid, my dad was really abusive. Always beat my mom and had anger issues, even after serious therapy he still cant control his anger and brings it on us. He never laid a finger on me, but he sure as hell did on my older brother. He isnt physically abusive anymore, just verbally abusive and just judges us for everything we do. This is just backstory, but what i really want to know is every time i meet a girl who us attractive or slightly. I get a crush, i mean not a normal crush. A huge obsession, it gets more intense when i am friends with them. I get this weird feeling in which i figured out it was a delusional disorder called erotomania. Thinking, or convinced that they like me. It gets bad to the point where i always look at their pictures. Even i think its creepy, but i cant help myself. Its so absurd. I was obsessed of a girl for a year. The only way to stop being obsessed is to be obsessed with another girl. Does anyone know what might have possibly caused the way i am?

 

[neversickanymore]

This comment is general about this subject.. When I was in highschool I was madly in love or had a huge crush on this girl who had the locker next to mine. We kept the same lockers for all four years. I think the crush or whatever started in freshman year and went all the way through senior year. I never asked her out. So two or three years after graduation I was home from school and out on the town. I hadn't spoken with her since high school.. she comes up to me and looks me in the eye and tells me how for almost all of high school she had the biggest crush on me.. I couldn't belive we had felt the same way for four years and had seen each other thousands of times and neither one of us had made a move. Wow what a fuckn waste. And a four year crush or whatever is something else.. ah youth.

This stuck with me from then on and I started to think that allot of the time when attraction is on one side it is likely it is on the other as well.. could have to do with enfermones and all that I dont know.. so from then on when I was attracted to a girl I made sure I let her know.. Not all the time but for a good portion, the feeling turned out to be mutual.

As far as your statement about the only way to get over an obsession with one girl is to become obsessed with another makes good sense to me.. as the best way to get over a girl is to get under a different one..

I think If you need to do something to see of these girls like you in that way.. ask them out and see where that goes.. not all of them will like you but thats ok.

So when you are talking obsession are you with these girls or is this a case where you like them but haven't approached them?

 

[mrflowers00]

i think you need to find a date and then look at your life from the third perspective

 

[Akerman]

I don't know if this is just me projecting my problems on to you, and I am hugely, deeply sorry if it is, but I just posted in the mental health forum about my recent diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, and having the sort of intense relationships to others and obsessions with them is one of the identifying characteristics. Perhaps give it a search online, see if it sounds anything like yourself.

That being said, you do not say how old you are. When I was... ooh, lets say probably between the ages of about 12 and 20, all of my crushes were obsessions. But so were the crushes of every other person I knew. There is something to the idea that we love differently when we're going through puberty, up until our brains have finished developing, at around 21/22. If this is becoming a serious concern for you, I would see a doctor to be referred to a therapist or psychologist, but do not unduly assume that your behavior is totally abnormal.

Edited to add:

This comment is general about this subject.. When I was in highschool I was madly in love or had a huge crush on this girl who had the locker next to mine. We kept the same lockers for all four years. I think the crush or whatever started in freshman year and went all the way through senior year. I never asked her out. So two or three years after graduation I was home from school and out on the town. I hadn't spoken with her since high school.. she comes up to me and looks me in the eye and tells me how for almost all of high school she had the biggest crush on me.. I couldn't belive we had felt the same way for four years and had seen each other thousands of times and neither one of us had made a move. Wow what a fuckn waste. And a four year crush or whatever is something else.. ah youth.

This exact same thing happened to me in college. The poor guy even asked me out to go watch his band play, but he was trying to be subtle, just saying that he had given a ticket to a girl he really liked, and I thought he was way out of my league and so totally, offensively oblivious!

 

[erniestavros]

I don't know if this is just me projecting my problems on to you, and I am hugely, deeply sorry if it is, but I just posted in the mental health forum about my recent diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, and having the sort of intense relationships to others and obsessions with them is one of the identifying characteristics. Perhaps give it a search online, see if it sounds anything like yourself.

That being said, you do not say how old you are. When I was... ooh, lets say probably between the ages of about 12 and 20, all of my crushes were obsessions. But so were the crushes of every other person I knew. There is something to the idea that we love differently when we're going through puberty, up until our brains have finished developing, at around 21/22. If this is becoming a serious concern for you, I would see a doctor to be referred to a therapist or psychologist, but do not unduly assume that your behavior is totally abnormal.

Edited to add:



This exact same thing happened to me in college. The poor guy even asked me out to go watch his band play, but he was trying to be subtle, just saying that he had given a ticket to a girl he really liked, and I thought he was way out of my league and so totally, offensively oblivious!

Im actually still in hs, about 16 but its been going on since childhood (about 11) and its weird that it hasnt gone away.

I do have similar characteristics to BPD, suicidal tencendies and what, and obviously the obsession to one person. Not sure about the aggressive part tho since im a calm person. I take those online disorder tests and i always get bpd as highest. Though i cant say i do have it since i havent been in therapy at all cause of insurance.

Im probably over-exaggerating when its probably just hormones. But i dont know.

 

[Akerman]

Personality disorders begin to manifest in childhood, but at 'about 16' you are too young to be formally diagnosed with anything, and there are good reasons for that. It's not just about hormones. At 16, your brain isn't fully developed, and your personality isn't fully developed either. In short, you're not done becoming who you are going to be yet.

The fact that you are young changes the way that you should look at your problems, but it doesn't make them any less real or valid.

Does your high school have a counsellor?

 

[erniestavros]

Personality disorders begin to manifest in childhood, but at 'about 16' you are too young to be formally diagnosed with anything, and there are good reasons for that. It's not just about hormones. At 16, your brain isn't fully developed, and your personality isn't fully developed either. In short, you're not done becoming who you are going to be yet.

The fact that you are young changes the way that you should look at your problems, but it doesn't make them any less real or valid.

Does your high school have a counsellor?

Yeah, we have a therapist that helps us if we ever had problems. I just don't want her to tell my family about this, plus i don't feel comfortable talking about it cause you know it's a kinda weird problem.

 

[Akerman]

Your school will probably produce some kind of leaflet about their confidentiality policy, and when they can break it. See if you can find a copy, so you can know the score on what she can disclose.

You said that your insurance doesn't cover therapy, which sucks I'm not quite sure what to suggest, since therapy seems like the best approach, especially for someone so young.

Mirroring neversickanymore's post, can I ask, have you had any relationships with any of these crushes? Are your obsessions getting in the way of your living your life?