Trying to hang on

Ok ... so I rearrange my whole life/finances/baby-sitter to be at my shrinks on the 22nd at 9:30 am. One hour before my appointment, they call and say, 'Todd' wasn't feeling well today and we'd like to reschedule your appointment for some other time. I flipped out. NO, NO, NO! - I was just suicidal a week ago and have rearranged my whole life to be there; banked all my bills, etc. She says well I'll talk to my supervisor and we'll see if we can get someone to talk to you today. I'm like, well - my husband is up north, and my mom (who was going to watch my son) has to be at work at noon. So just 'sometime today' is not going to work for me. After mom runs me and my son thru McDonalds' and we sit in the parking lot and eat - I call them back and say either Jan. 4th or Jan. 6th at 9:30 AM will work (I guess) for me. My son will be in 'Mother's Day Out' and away from crazy mommy. They're like thanks for working with us. I'm thinking fuck, like I have a choice? So after my mom left this morning, I went back to bed and slept as long as I could. I am so depressed and I just hate the holidays. I hope others' are doing better. To all of you who struggle, you are so not alone. I wish you well.