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*Trying* to get clean/ My Story

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PsychedelicLog

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Feb 10, 2013
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14
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Well, I have been doing drugs for about 3 years now. I'm 18, a senior in high school, and have been heavily dependent on drugs since freshmen year, aka 4 years. It all started with me being prescribed hydrocodone for wisdom teeth removal freshmen year. I took one and felt GREAT! I believe they were 10 mg. Needless to say, the 15 in the bottle didn't last but two or three days. After running out, I raided my family's medicine cabinet and took out all the abusable meds, I found a large amount of oxycodone, hydrocodone, codeine, and Klonopin. This supply lasted me until Sophomore year, I dosed relatively infrequently- ie. every weekend, or sometimes before school.

This was all well and good, I had no addiction to them, but I had a crutch on prescription meds at only 15 years only. I quit doing pills, but began smoking reefer daily, along with the occasional shrooms and alcohol.

I should talk about myself at this time before I go further. When I was younger, up until about age 11, I pretty much lived in a fantasy world. My imagination completely absorbed me from the outside. I was very smart for my age, and had a thyroid problem I hadn't yet caught onto so I was a bit chubby. Needless to say, I was a prime target for bullies. My self esteem was fucked from an early age. I kept it hidden my whole life, and escaped into video games and television to avoid the torment of reality. I had real friends, but they became popular and I was left alone. I remember at recess I would be picked on constantly, consistently, daily. My parents were very supportive of me, and I love them deeply, but I still felt lost inside.

My situation improved when I fought back in 8th grade, and that was the end of their harassment. I felt very good about myself, and in highschool I was able to make friends, though usually it was just because I was fucked up enough of the time to be able to socialize without anxiety. Now, when I was a junior, life was great. I was doing more drugs than probably everyone in my school combined, and I was finally overcoming my previous depression and anxiety that haunted me my whole life. Things changed when people found out how deeply ingrained drugs are in my lifestyle though. The girl I was dating dumped me, calling me a stupid addict, and that was when shit hit the fan with me.

I began smoking opium and popping pills nearly everyday from then to now. I also smoke pot almost daily, and am hooked on dipping tobacco. I stopped drinking and partying in exchange for being a loner and getting doped up constantly. I just realized how far down the hole I am a few weeks ago. I stopped smoking the opium, and the pot, but still take about 40-80 mg oxycodone and 20-40 mg hydrocodone daily. I have little money saved because it immediately gets spent to support my habit. My thoughts feel dulled and unclear, and I seemed to have lost most of my touch for writing. I can't get girls anymore because it feels as though I am better by myself and with my drugs. My parents don't know, they have only caught me smoking pot two years ago, and they think I quit that.

Overall, I just want my clear mind, sharp wit, and pleasure for life back.

I have a plan to get off the opiates, I will cut out the hydrocodone altogether and ween down on the oxycodone from 50 mg/day, cutting down by 10 mg every week, until I get down 10 mg, where I will ween off 1 mg at a time. Will this work with no withdrawal? Supply is not an issue. Also, should I give up dipping tobacco too? I feel like I should not until I am more stable in my life, in a few years or so. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Also: should I cut out psychedelics too? At least for awhile? I do shrooms or acid about every month or every other month, and I find they help tremendously with my self esteem and mood.

Thanks for reading my whining, I love to complain ;)
 
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I dont have the concentration right now to read all that.sorry...
I skimmed through and if the gist of it is that you want to ditch the opiates,but take psychedelics,I feel you.
but I would leave the shrooms and acid and just smoke high grade weed.
that's at least how this stoner does it.
I was on heroin for more than 10 years at street level and now I'm an upstanding citizen.
even the pot is now medicine.I love legalization in the US.
oh well...

wishing you the best of luck,this is doable.
 
Hey Pl.. welcome to BL:).. and congratulations on making the descion to clean up. You can do this=D

I would not worry about the dip, take that one at a latter time.

The thing with coming off opiates is that you have both the acute and Post acute withdrawal.. so you will not only want to plan for the acutes which is what everyone who has not cleaned up for focusses on but also the paws which follow almost exactly after we get better from the acutes.. here is a good thread to look at so you see wht you are up against >addciton guide<

To have your brain chemistry return to normal and thus have some relief from the PAWS i would suggest that you go completely sober for awhile and then return to use if you desire. Many people find it hard to use anything without wanting or actually finding themsefs driven back to using their DOC. since this percentage is high you will need to decide that if you sing eventually is something you can do.

To maintain and make abstinence a peaceful and happy thing you will really want to consider one of the support groups for addicts. Its a really good way to find good people who will know exactly what you are going through. We all sorta lean on each other and that keeps us all sorta standing. As addicts we have a big spot in our hearts for each other.

To heal from the wounds of addiction and facilitate a good life:

Twelve-Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups

SMART Recovery (Support Group information and discussion)

Varied Approaches to Addiction Recovery



On withdrawal
The medications I would explore the use of would be

>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol


let us know your thoughts?
 
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Your plan seems alright, but I would suggest alternating days at the lower dose before going down to it. So like take the 50mg for 5 days and then take 40mg, then back to 50, then 40, then 50, then go down to 40 for 4-5 days and repeat. Reducing by 1mg a day might work at the end, but I would suggest taking 5mg, skipping a day, 5mg, skipping a day, taking it then skipping 2 days, and then stop. If you feel like that's just prolonging it then do it your way.

Either way you are still going to feel some withdrawals. Aside from stopping the drugs, you should make some lifestyle changes to better yourself, otherwise it will be too easy to go back to using. You are going to feel 'off' for a little while after you stop, but after a few weeks it should get better each day. Don't expect to feel 100% right away otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure. It took years for you to get this hooked on pills, so it's going to take some time to feel alright without them.

Once you stop just focus on getting through that day. I know it's cliche but 'one day at a time' is all that you should be concerned about, otherwise you may become too overwhelmed with the idea of stopping for good and it may lead to a relapse.
 
I know exactly how you feel. I was a popular high school kid, drinker, partyer, weight lifter who would never miss a day and weed smoker doing the occasional t3s or percs. Now ive been hooked for almost 3 years, stopped going to the gym, lost 25 lbs and hardly see my friends. I would wake up and not be ok until dosing, go to work, dose, come home, dose and go to bed. I started using after a script of t3s for wisdom teeth because i found not only they made me more sociable but also less anxious and last longer in bed. After chasing those first highs for 3 years i now feel worse in everyway possible.
Just know you're not alone my friend.
 
Thanks a lot guys! I've been reducing the dose and I'm on 25 mg/ day oxy! needless to say this is a vast improvement! much less money spent, and the withdrawal has been minimal (some diarrhea, lethargy) but over than that I feel good! I have been smoking pot to improve these symptoms, but only a bowl or two a day. I have also continued the tobacco. These responses are both informative, and inspiring. Thanks!
 
Thanks to everyone! it seems BL is a pretty good distraction from constant thoughts about opiates!
I'm now on 17.5 mg oxy/ day, and the wd has escalated the last couple days, but today it has gotten a bit better. Shakes, really cold feeling, bit depressed. Not miserable, but morely annoying like a cold. I am running low on oxys, and will have to substitute with hydros in a few days. After that im flushing or giving away the stash!
Needless to say once i get off this stuff i wont touch an opiate again!
 
It sounds like you've got the right idea. I would also go to NA or AA meetings, building a system of support is important when you're coming off. Also, having people keep you accountable is important. It's not enough to be accountable to yourself. Also, you're young enough I would try for abstinence from everything except tobacco for the time being.
 
Alright guys, the stuff is getting very hard to resist. I just vomited and am cold as fuck. I went back up to 22.5 mg oxy and will stay there for a few days.
Also, is Kava Kava or Valerian root recommended for dealing with the anxiety? I couldn't last all day at school today because of the stress. I was shivering the whole time and people were looking like iwas crazy.
I have found kava and valerian from years ago in my cabinet, please tell me if should use tonight to sleep, and tomorrow for school (this is awful)


EDIT: i have access to Klonopin, for a high price. I know these will help with the anxiety and insomnia, but should i really pop more pills? Gosh this is hard
 
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If you're taking oxycodone and you're only 18 you can bounce back so fast you'll be amazed. It's 5 days of hell but the kind of hell that pays you dividends - like going to the gym and being buff for summer time. You should really not be in school or work doing a detox - it's hard enough in the comfort of home. You shouldn't need klonopin although it helps, there is no reason to use it. If you go through these bad feelings now you'll remember them if you decide to pick up again later.
 
PsychedelicLog said:
Thanks for the advice-- but about the NA, I'm not particularly religious. I literally can't stand all the God stuff.
Click to expand...

I've been going lately and don't really pay attention to the god stuff. It's not shoved down your throat or anything, just mentioned in the readings. Most people talking don't really go into it, and if they do they say "higher power" instead. What I'm getting at is that it shouldn't be a reason not to go.
 
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