• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

TRYING to get clean. help me, please. OPIATES

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,256
Location
Looking-Glass Land
just blows my mind how I fall for the drug again and again. in 30yrs old and let a brown substance run my life? no way, man. I dont understand it. There are days I wake up and all day im fine (I already been through withdrawal at my own will, 7 days in my parents house no rehab) and now as I TRY and get back on my feet I still go back to the brown. ill never understand it. there are days where I dont have a care in the world and then there are days where brown wont get off my mind. I DONT blame my dealer and I dont BLAME any BUT ME. it's me making that call/text, it's me fiending for the quickest fix (shoot or sniff depending how bad I want it - nuts, I know). this addiction is truly running me to the ground spending what I do. I know you cant talk $$ on here but I make 90,000+/yr and thats w/ previous drug charges but yet I dont appreciate a fucking thing God had done for me. I still go back to where I was/am years and years ago. I was 6 years clean and then come 27 I jumped back on the opiates after 6 years away. why? well, again, I blame no one but myself. I jumped back on because I thought of the things that happened before and the "smile" it put on my face. turns on that smile is complete misery and I realize now more than I did then. I was 21 last time and now I'm 30. the age difference actually makes a difference. I am truly miserable living the way I do but yet I still continue to put dope before the rest of my life; sad, just sad. but who am I say to say that? I plan on getting brown later today after 2 days off. I would have already gotten it but dealer/long time friend is "busy". I def. do not consider that person a long time friend anymore after knowing what he's been through and I know he just looks at me as a buyer since I am not getting a "deal". I cant complain tho, there is no "drug dealing" going on here since it's 2 dope fiends just looking for the fix. God damn sad. Sure, I mad not have the same physical withdrawals I once had (thank god) but mentally I am even more addicted than before.

for the money I make I have ZERO (or vegetative) to my name. I plan on filing bankruptcy very soon. I go to work and on some days I am on top of my game; other days I make up excuses to leave early to buy dope - sad, I know. starting next week I am part of a "program". I am NOT doing suboxone but plan on doing getting on Naltrexone or however you spell it. from there ill go to the shot. anyone here on it? tell me the "good" from it? I know subs wont do shit for me cuz after 12-48 hours ill be blasting dope on my days off, or every other day. I am FULLY AWARE now that I am an every OTHER day dope fiend does NOT MAKE ME A GOOD DOPE FIEND. I still do WAY MORE THAN I EVER EXPECTED and still want to change each and every time the high wears off.

Hello to bluelight.. I am a dope fiend/junkie. how are you?
 
They have a recovery support part of the forum here its called 'the dark side'. You should post there.

I was sort of where you're with subs a while ago, they basically just made it easier to stay on dope...would just cycle the two so I never got dopesick. It got to the point where I truly hated doing dope, it was no longer fun, the only reason I did it was because I was extremely sick and depressed. Between that and all the other risks that come along with dope is why the subs work for me now.

Ive read a few of your posts and you seem to still have some 'dope nostalgia'.
 
Hey man I am on subs, but it works. Fortunately I am with a doctor that is interested in my recovery. I attend meetings, and actively seek help. It is the only way opiate replacement works.
 
You have to be active in your effort to stay clean. Sounds like you may not be ready to take the steps necessary to take this path.

And money doesn't separate any of us. If anything, it enables you. We all fight one form of addiction or another. It's what you do about it that tells the story.

I hope you do listen to those in your 'program'. I know I certainly do and it helps me stay clean and sober.
 
Just be real with yourself about it. You are going to need to work a program. It doesn't have to be higher power based...it just has to add structure, realistic milestones and attainable goals. Also if you go to AA/NA you have a good chance of meeting sober friends (something you will need to replace your using "acquaintences" with.)
 
@boston, my son is 25, he just started on suboxone a. Week and a half ago. In that time he has became a totally different person. The cravings are for the most part gone. He does have some triggers ( like he does not want tin foil in the house) but is doing very well on it. I definitely think its worth trying. Ive learned to talk to my son and only good has come out of it, try talking to you family, friends, spouse etc. Be honest and tell them how hard this is for you. I never realized how hard it is on an addict to quit, until my son explained it to me. And believe me, I was screaming inside. We had some arguing, but when he said "mom, iam what iam and your not helping me by being mad" and the help from stardusthero, I just listened and saw his side, I think you could get there to....... just takes some time and calmness. I wish you well.
 
hey mate

don't give up! plz look for a program or something
I am trying to kick myself with meds (not suboxone), but it's incredibly hard as you know. Yes, I am going to NA again, in fact today.
 
I'd try AA, NA or any of the anonymous programs available. I've seen them work wonders with people, there are other options out there as well in case your not into that. But the way you describe "then there are days where brown wont get off my mind" I had the same thing for a long time. After working the steps, that "mental obsession" is gone. I'm not trying to force what I did and what worked for me on you, it's just the way that you describe the "mental obsession" and not being able to stop thinking about it and the continuously relapsing, I think the program is worth checking out. Just my 2 cents
 
bb corona said:
@boston, my son is 25, he just started on suboxone a. Week and a half ago. In that time he has became a totally different person. The cravings are for the most part gone. He does have some triggers ( like he does not want tin foil in the house) but is doing very well on it. I definitely think its worth trying. Ive learned to talk to my son and only good has come out of it, try talking to you family, friends, spouse etc. Be honest and tell them how hard this is for you. I never realized how hard it is on an addict to quit, until my son explained it to me. And believe me, I was screaming inside. We had some arguing, but when he said "mom, iam what iam and your not helping me by being mad" and the help from stardusthero, I just listened and saw his side, I think you could get there to....... just takes some time and calmness. I wish you well.
Click to expand...

Saw a doc and got on Subox myself. Been 8 days clean now. I am at 16MG of Subox a day w/ a 1 year recovery program in place. I also am going to attend and out patient recovery program which will be running 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. I feel great and I am very confident all will go well. The subs this time around are helping ALOT. It may seem like a high dosage but it's killing ALL FEELINGS TO USE and actually puts me in a mood I can live w/. I am actually motivated to work, get up, shower, and do the normal things people do. I am HOPING all works out in the end here but these subs are definitely helping as of now.
 
How bad do you want to get clean? You're letting a drug dictate your actions, and run your life. Fuckin' pathetic, man.
Man up. You're 30 fucking years old, bro. You're not a little kid anymore, it's time to grow a pair of nuts and put that shit behind you.
If the subs are helping you - Stick to them for a bit, then ween yourself off. After about a week, you should be good to put down the subs and start fresh.
If you think I'm being hard on you, then good. Look at yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself.. Do you like you?
Cause if you don't. It's time for change, brother. Good luck.

When you start thinking about dope... Do something productive. Exercise, get into a hobby. That way you can occupy your mind instead of sitting around and wishing for some pathetic fuckin' drug to pump into your system.
Come on, brother. It's time for change.
 
I take it you dont do dope, never done dope, or been addicted to a hard drug in your life. Go out there and pick up the addiction I had and tell me if it runs your life. I dont care if youre 30, 40, 50, doesnt matter. It runs your life.

As I said, ALL IS GOOD W/ SUBS. DONT CARE IF THEY ARE OPIATE OR NOT. They are helping w/ no feelings, no nothing. They actually get me through the day and it's a normal, happy day that I can be myself and be happy about. I am w/ a doctor, a program, and doing everything right. So I am not too worried w/ JunkieDays has to say about my recovery. Enjoy SouthJersey, tho.
 
Im so happy for you. My son has been doing great on suboxone, the only thing weve noticed is the last two days he has been depressed. Are you experiencing any depression????
 
12mg pretty good dosage. Dr. also threw me on an anti-depressant; although, I am not sure if it's actually doing anything at this point since its so early but I was on another anti-depressant prior which was an SSRI and moved to a SNRI (Paxil to Effexor). Not sure if this has much to do w/ the upbeat attitude as of late but figured I'd stay on the anti-depressant as I go down this road of sobriety, just incase. Was taking the anti-depressant prior to try and help kick the dope, maybe keep me more upbeat and happy but never worked during that time period, so who knows if it works now.

Best of luck to your son, tho. Continue to show support and understanding; not easy when it comes to the parents. Mine are just starting to understand but its taken them quite some time. W/ them actually having a little faith it's helping me stay on this path and wanting to continue down this road.
 
Personally, I think it is a requirement to have a prescriber and all healthcare providers (that you need to talk to about your addiction) who are knowledgable and nonjudgmental. When I walk into a doctor's office, be it specifically due to addictions or for a an ear infection, I am putting forward a very vulnerable part of myself. If s/he in turn, abuses that............well, you all know the rest. Don't throw in the towel and use whatever works for you.
 
I'm not sure everyone has to be active to some certain standard. For me, if I am feeling pushed faster than it dredges up was too much old BS that is not at all helpful. Find your own pace
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top