So I have slipped up and got a little messy with covering up my drug use. My mother found one of my toots with powder in it. I'm not really sure how I can play that off but for now at least I can avoid it. However I did tell her about the time with me getting robbed and a gun being pulled out on me. Also why I came home bitching about wanting to throw a brick through some girls window. The thing is I lied about why it all happened and twisted the stories so it would look like it wasn't my fault. I also made sure to tell her I had no idea the girl I was with was a heroin addict and I didn't know at the time she was going to be picking up dope. She then asked me if I ever did heroin? She asked calmly but in the end I straight up lied to her face. Heroin? No, I never touched it and I wouldn't ever do that. Ugh, I can't believe I lied to her and she told me that she was happy to know that. I'm not sure if my mother is in denial or what but then again I rather have her try to deny that her daughter is an addict.
However, the worst thing ever is during our talk she told me about this women we know. She comes over to one of the ladies apartments and I guess the chick is shooting up. She told me how our neighbor saw the track marks and even saw her do a deal before. And all I could thing in my head was, she uses? Damn, maybe I can hit her up when I see her next. What the hell? Why do I have to automatically think that.. Ugh, if only my mother didn't have to tell me about that.
Other than that I am still using other drugs but I'm going to cut back on those as well. I'm pretty sure I should just become completely sober but I'm more worried about staying away from dope right now. I know I can do that at least for now but I am more concerned about when I see my friend soon who I haven't seen in awhile. They still use dope and even thinks I do. They even offered to bring dope and suggested that we cop it together. The shitty thing is I went along with saying yes and agreeing to do it even though I was thinking don't do it. You know you don't want to do it but then again getting high on heroin would be so nice. Luckily I still know that I shouldn't and I know I won't do it in the time being but I'm afraid of what may happen when this opportunity arises. I just wish things could be easier. I wish my brother never got me into drugs or drinking when I was fifteen but I can't change what has already been done. There is no going back in time so I have to live with the choices I have made.
So for now I will continue to try to make my life better and improve in certain areas of my life. I even applied for a second job and the interview went great! I'm not sure how I will manage working this other job if I do get hired though but I guess I'll figure it out. If the hours don't work for me then I can try to see if I can change them or just turn down the possible job offer. In the end I just want to continue working at the one job I have now and enroll into college this fall. School is going to have to be my first priority.
However, the worst thing ever is during our talk she told me about this women we know. She comes over to one of the ladies apartments and I guess the chick is shooting up. She told me how our neighbor saw the track marks and even saw her do a deal before. And all I could thing in my head was, she uses? Damn, maybe I can hit her up when I see her next. What the hell? Why do I have to automatically think that.. Ugh, if only my mother didn't have to tell me about that.
Other than that I am still using other drugs but I'm going to cut back on those as well. I'm pretty sure I should just become completely sober but I'm more worried about staying away from dope right now. I know I can do that at least for now but I am more concerned about when I see my friend soon who I haven't seen in awhile. They still use dope and even thinks I do. They even offered to bring dope and suggested that we cop it together. The shitty thing is I went along with saying yes and agreeing to do it even though I was thinking don't do it. You know you don't want to do it but then again getting high on heroin would be so nice. Luckily I still know that I shouldn't and I know I won't do it in the time being but I'm afraid of what may happen when this opportunity arises. I just wish things could be easier. I wish my brother never got me into drugs or drinking when I was fifteen but I can't change what has already been done. There is no going back in time so I have to live with the choices I have made.
So for now I will continue to try to make my life better and improve in certain areas of my life. I even applied for a second job and the interview went great! I'm not sure how I will manage working this other job if I do get hired though but I guess I'll figure it out. If the hours don't work for me then I can try to see if I can change them or just turn down the possible job offer. In the end I just want to continue working at the one job I have now and enroll into college this fall. School is going to have to be my first priority.