Addiction Trying to be sober again

[treezy z]

I'm trying to not use drugs again. I got out of the psych ward last Tuesday after 20 days http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/821489-3-meo-PCE-(experienced)-160mg-trip-to-psych-ward

I'm a former junkie (been good with that for a while, just kratom last 6 months basically,) stimulant addict (I was using them every time I went to work,) dissociative user, xanax bar popper, acid head, pot head, RC labrat. I was using all drugs habitually in other words.

I've slipped a couple times, used benzedrex once and weed once. God blessed me today because I went to Walmart craving DXM and forgot my money (must not use dissociatives EVER I get fucking crazy)

I'm trying to decide if I will smoke weed or not, I really like that head change but I also don't want the motivation sapping I sometimes get, I think marijuana maintenance may be useful because I'm a dissociative addict and I'll eat a sheet of acid in a week when I have it and weed is a much more mild head trip. Not sure.

I also need to figure out my sex life, drugs and alcohol involved in a lot of my fucking. I don't like drinking but girls do so maybe pick up a bottle the same day or whatever so I don't dip in the bottle out of boredom.

I changed my phone number to cut out all bad contacts, have the #s of my good ones.

I've recommited myself to lifting weights every other day (better high than drugs) and am taking depakote and neurontin as prescribed to calm me down.

I go back to my job tommorow, I'll struggle with not copping a benzedrex (deleted my stim contacts)

I've been sleeping on my parents couch and not going out to stay out of trouble, going back to my apartment after the weekend.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Given your battle with metal health concerns and finding adequate treatment, wouldn't it be simpler not to possibly trigger any of the underlying schizoaffective symptomology you have experienced before and just avoid the weed? Perhaps a more sedative type substance or mood stabilizer would be more to your benefit? It doesn't sound like your Depakote and gabapentin are doing enough for you.

If you want support on finding a more effective regime of medications to treat schizoaffective symptomolgy I can move this to the Mental Health Recovery Support forum, or you can start a new thread asking about what medications might work better for you (to help treat and ameliorate the discomfort/dis-ease that is causing you to craving Benzedrex and dissociatives so intensely). That forum may give you better feedback on this than SL, but regardless time will tell I guess.