But if you're desperate for an escape and would love to feel free of your monotonous misery, opiates can transmute those negative feelings into a zen state of wellbeing in an almost magical way.
This is a great way of putting it.
Imagine feeling so down, hopeless, in pain mentally & physically & then within minutes feeling completely normal, wonderful even, content & ready to take on life again. Who wouldn't want to keep taking something that makes you feel that way?
I actually tried opioids before I was 19. Probably more like 15 or 16. Mostly vicodin & tylenol 3's.
My brother would some times get them from his drug dealer friends & we'd drink, smoke weed & do them up.
At the time, all it did for me was make me feel nauseous & mentally blunted. I wasn't quite sure why people got hooked on them at the time. So I didn't really develop a problem with them quite then.
Fast-forward to the age of 19 & my brother had moved out & me & my mom moved away to a whole new state altogether.
Once my mom got set up with a new doctor & stuff, they gave her bucket loads of tramadol for sciatic pain (this was back in 2007-2008, so tramadol wasn't even a controlled substance back then). She got like 180 pills a month back then. She claimed they didn't help her, so she let me have them instead.
I popped about 6-8 of those pills & was ON TOP of the damn world! Depression completely gone. Music sounded ECLECTIC! Full body chills. I finally felt at peace for once in my life. I got a job as a cook & I started using the tramadol to help me work harder & longer (and it would make me actually enjoy the work I was doing). The idea of dependence or withdrawal hadn't even crossed my mind. Until about after a few months of using almost every day, I ran out (only temporarily though). And suddenly I felt very very weird. And sore. And flu-like. I wasn't sure what was going on until it clicked in my head that this was withdrawals. So I looked it up & sure enough that's exactly what it was.
But instead of stopping right then & there, I decided I would go ahead & keep using them every month to keep my depression at bay so I could work. I was able to do it for 4 more years until one bout of withdrawals just had me feeling so bad that I couldn't sleep, couldn't get into work one day, flipped out on my boss & lost my job.
I went through tramadol withdrawals from the age of 19-29/30 years old. Every single month almost. I would get incredibly suicidal every single time too & would do ANYTHING to stop the pain, from downing copious amounts of alcohol, to drinking DXM cough syrup, smoking meth, huffing inhalants, etc.. I put my body through hell while in withdrawal. I'm surprised I even made it this far.
I also felt like an asshole for making my mom have to go through the hell of harassing her doctor & playing the "we didn't get fax" game with the pharmacy every month for all those years. But she did it. My mom would've done anything for me really. And she knew that those pills & heroin were the only things that made me feel normal & okay. So she did whatever she had to, so that I could get it (both the trams & heroin). My mom even said she preferred me on heroin because on shit like alcohol, I would become violent, more suicidal & was an asshole.
Of course heroin popped into the picture around the age of 25 & after I tried heroin, it was all over. I knew I'd never go back to being a "non-opioid user". So I was using tramadol & heroin for almost 5 more years & then eventually I got on buprenorphine.
Buprenorphine helps my depression too, to a degree. But it's nowhere near as good as tramadol or heroin in that aspect (IMO). And some times it makes me so tired & emotionally blunted that I think it makes my depression worse. I didn't have that problem with full agonist opioids.
So yeah, getting opioids to treat depression can work, but without constant access, it's just going to make everything worse. I went through hell being an opioid addict. I'm sure some people here have been through even worse. I was lucky that I had a mom with access to opioids & a heroin dealer who was kind enough to hook me up with shit for free all the time. But some people have had to do terrible things & go through even worse challenges just to get their fix.
So OP, I would really consider all of this before trying anything. With opioids, for me anyway, it always seems like your first few experiences with them will kind of suck, but if you keep using them, that's when the good effects start to make themselves known & by that point, you're already on your way to a dependence.
I will never blame the opioids themselves for all the problems though. It's clear the prohibition & the criminalizing of opioids is what causes the problems. If I could legally access opioids & do opioid-rotation every time I get too tolerant to one opioid, I'd be able to live a much better life with better quality of life. But alas, we live in a really stupid & ignorant society that thinks drinking yourself to death is okay & socially acceptable, but using opioids to function better makes you a "criminal" who "needs help".
there are NO WORDS to describe that experience. So horrific. Heroin nowadays likely has fetty in it...it's is a very very bad idea dude and I love drugs and heroin is great it's the best there is, but it's tainted and ruined with fentanyl. Instant death, every time I've done fetty (only once on purpose) I have overdosed, and never ONCE been high from the shit. Just my experience. If you do try opiates I guarantee you if you make it a year alive you will remember this conversation and you will wish that you took my advice I guarantee it. Because my ex used to tell me not to mess with opiates when I started and I thought he was just telling me what to do and I was like f*** you I'll do whatever I want I like them they make me happy whatever whatever. And I wish I would have listened to him. You can't get off of them either so you know there's that also. Wait a month and see if you still want to do it then, and re-assess. Or a week, or a day, or whatever. It's a bad idea. Don't do it.