trying hard to stay on good terms with friend

so i'm back home for thanksgiving the other day and i'm chillin with some old friends and one of them tells me this girl (who i care for alot, but i permanently ruined any chances of a relationship happening long ago, and even at one point was told never to contact her again) said 'hi' to me. ok. whatever right? no. it really means alot to me that she will even acknowledge me at this point. so whatever, i email her sister, who i'm friends with, and tell her to just tell her that i said 'thank you' for the shout (and explained why i felt so compelled to say that, etc, etc.)

so now i'm on facebook and i see she has commented on something a friend of mine said. i'm so tempted to msg her and say something, but i really don't want to fuck shit up again. see...back when we were good, i started to continuously call her (like every night) drunk and barred (+oxy+whatever i had) out of my mind, blacked the fuck out saying all sorts of stupid shit, that, of course, only she will remember. so i really dont wanna get back into the cycle of bothering this chick. cuz IMO, im not even in chick's league. i was lucky to be in the position i was in then and i blew it. but seeing her picture and just knowing that all i have to do is click "send msg" or whatever and i could say something...shit fucks with me. thank god i dont have any opiates. i would have over done it already, tenfold.

i just hope i dont fuck things up again, and maybe one day i can actually get back on speaking terms with her again, not just her telling her friend that she says 'hi' to me...but me actually taking directly to her...i need that again

 

Not that you're asking for advice, but here's my 2 cents:

Contact this chick via whatever method feels most comfortable for you, though I recommend e-mail or whatever social networking site you two both use, this way you can speak your peace and not be interrupted or thrown off track and she can either choose to hear you out or (if she's just a shitty person, which I doubt) flat-out ignore you. The fact that this girl would answer the phone when you're calling every night blacked out suggests to me that regardless of how she feels about your addictions/usage she sees you as a good, interesting person underneath. Maybe it reached a point where even though she still cared about you, she couldn't keep putting up with these calls because they got under her skin (probably a combination of being worried about your health/sanity and simply being annoyed by whatever shit was coming out of your barred out head), and thus she had to cut off the communication.

Now, assuming that behavior has lessened or come to a stop, and this girl recently acknowledged your presence without any hint of hostility, I would say you have a pretty good chance of reestablishing communication if you play your cards right. This is where the e-mail or message comes in. Let her know that you miss her presence in your life, that you know you messed up and you regret your actions and apologize, ask her to give you another chance, and most importantly, let her know that things will be different this time and that you won't call if you are really fucked up or blacked out. If you think all that sounds a little too distraught or humble, use a more confident tone but don't come across as sounding like you don't think you did anything wrong or something along those lines.

I can't guarantee she'll accept your offer to renew the friendship, but I would bet on her giving you another shot. She might even be relieved deep down that you made the effort to apologize because she might miss you but feel that contacting you might send the wrong message ('I'm okay with things the way they were/are', 'I don't have enough self-worth to confront you or set boundaries', etc.). In other words, she might be waiting for you to step up to the plate and be her friend again! I mean, I have no idea what's really in her head, and all I know about the extent of your previous relationship with her is based off of what you posted, but you sound like a good guy that genuinely likes this girl on many levels, and if you like a person that much, then they're probably a good enough person to give you a second chance, especially if you are sincere.

Sorry if that was a waste of your time, but I hope it helped if only a small amount. I wish you luck with this situation and encourage you to follow your heart and be sincere. If things don't work out and she rejects your invitation to be friends again, then I imagine she's not right for you anyways. We all make mistakes in life, and we all deserve a second chance. Good luck!

this post was brought to you by the letter a, for adderall

 

I can't believe I didn't get back to you then (I was on Adderall, too), but, if you are still around, thank you so much. Sorry for literally taking ten years to get back to you, but, I do appreciate every word you wrote me. You definitely sound like a good ass person who understands what I was going through (shit, I'm going through it right now - story of my life.)

Be good. Be safe. Have fun.

PEACE. LOVE. UNITY. RESPECT.

- beanfiend

EDIT: I guess I did Inbox you. Thanks again, my friend.

Not that you're asking for advice, but here's my 2 cents:

Contact this chick via whatever method feels most comfortable for you, though I recommend e-mail or whatever social networking site you two both use, this way you can speak your peace and not be interrupted or thrown off track and she can either choose to hear you out or (if she's just a shitty person, which I doubt) flat-out ignore you. The fact that this girl would answer the phone when you're calling every night blacked out suggests to me that regardless of how she feels about your addictions/usage she sees you as a good, interesting person underneath. Maybe it reached a point where even though she still cared about you, she couldn't keep putting up with these calls because they got under her skin (probably a combination of being worried about your health/sanity and simply being annoyed by whatever shit was coming out of your barred out head), and thus she had to cut off the communication.

Now, assuming that behavior has lessened or come to a stop, and this girl recently acknowledged your presence without any hint of hostility, I would say you have a pretty good chance of reestablishing communication if you play your cards right. This is where the e-mail or message comes in. Let her know that you miss her presence in your life, that you know you messed up and you regret your actions and apologize, ask her to give you another chance, and most importantly, let her know that things will be different this time and that you won't call if you are really fucked up or blacked out. If you think all that sounds a little too distraught or humble, use a more confident tone but don't come across as sounding like you don't think you did anything wrong or something along those lines.

I can't guarantee she'll accept your offer to renew the friendship, but I would bet on her giving you another shot. She might even be relieved deep down that you made the effort to apologize because she might miss you but feel that contacting you might send the wrong message ('I'm okay with things the way they were/are', 'I don't have enough self-worth to confront you or set boundaries', etc.). In other words, she might be waiting for you to step up to the plate and be her friend again! I mean, I have no idea what's really in her head, and all I know about the extent of your previous relationship with her is based off of what you posted, but you sound like a good guy that genuinely likes this girl on many levels, and if you like a person that much, then they're probably a good enough person to give you a second chance, especially if you are sincere.

Sorry if that was a waste of your time, but I hope it helped if only a small amount. I wish you luck with this situation and encourage you to follow your heart and be sincere. If things don't work out and she rejects your invitation to be friends again, then I imagine she's not right for you anyways. We all make mistakes in life, and we all deserve a second chance. Good luck!

this post was brought to you by the letter a, for adderall