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truman show delusions

datSTIMfreak

datSTIMfreak

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2010
Messages
147
Location
Valley of the Spun
Alright people I've been using stimulants, all kinds of 'em, for a LONG, LONG time. I've probably binged (especially on amphetamine) about 120 times or so. I've never kept track, but my I remember my first Adderall binge, I stayed up for 3 days and went to school and hid in the bathroom because I was scared that the teachers knew i was high, that i was being followed, etc. You know the usual amphetamine psychosis shit. This was back when I was young, freshman year. Now I'm 19. But this paragraph is just showing that I know what stimulant psychosis is, I have had the delusions of police helicopters flying above my house, and SWAT teams about to break my door. I have had delusions where I thought my parents knew about my drug use, that they were going to put me in rehab-usually this came from a 3 day binge taking about 100 mg of Dexedrine a day. Crazy shit, horrible times... But damn when you start to come down off an upper, you know how it is...

Anyway! Lately, after I finally saw The Truman Show, on binges, I started thinking that I wasn't just being followed, but cameras were tracking me, and that my life was a T.V. show and the only reason I hadn't been busted is because the world finds drug use enertaining and they love to see stars go down the toilet... This only comes after really really long (7-10 days) high dose (150+ mg of Dexedrine a day) binges. Anyone else get this? Thanks.
 
datSTIMfreak said:
This only comes after really really long (7-10 days) high dose (150+ mg of Dexedrine a day) binges. Anyone else get this? Thanks.
Click to expand...

If when doing drug 'X' you feel like 'Y', then if you continue doing drug 'X', you should be okay with feeling 'Y'.
 
A lot of modern psychotheraputic and psychiatric approaches don't pay much attention to the content of delusions or hallucinations. This is the form over content approach and for many purposes I think it is valid. 7 day binges are creating definite problems that could get out of hand and taxonomic distinctions about type of delusion might not be very important. Is it a hammer head or a great white is interesting only after you've got all the swimmers out of the water. Know what I mean? Anyways from mania about twenty years ago, before the Truman show had come out I experienced that sort of delusion and it sucked. IME delusions all sort of suck but that one is the shittiest of them all.
 
Ya it does suck, I'll look around and try to find these cameras and just obsessively search and try not to ask anyone if my life is really a reality show, because I know I would sound schizo... When I'm not on speed, it seems so fucking stupid, but when the drug takes over my mind, it seems so real... fuck speed, but i still love it :(
 
believe me when I say this - being forced into a hospital section 12 when you are spun is NO FUN. I highly recommend you try to limit your binges, limit your use in general - amps can suck the life out of any soul, be safe bro.
 
Yeah I used to get that. Amphetamines drove me to psychosis, it sucked to put it mildly. One of my doctors an 'addiction specialist' [go figure] had me on Adderall IR 30mg, 4 times daily. Way, way too much and man I was a wreck. I think the whole last year I was on those I was on a binge. Lost so much wait, lost a couple girlfriends, made irrational decisions [landed in the clink], thought everybody was out to get me in some way.

Than it got even worse. I started to think my neighbors were videotaping me and watching what I was doing and belittling me for being such a drug addict. God it was horrible. I thought my car was bugged, my bike, my house. I even went so far as to confront my neighbor and verbally assault him and told him to leave me the fuck alone or else. I would sleep with a knife under my pillow [and my drugs, which there was ALOT]. Bought a safe and screwed it to my floor to keep all my drugs in after awhile to prevent them from getting stolen. I could go on and on about the delusions I was having but I wont because it still is somewhat uncomprehendable to me.

Finally my parents confronted me after I broke down adn told them what was happening in my life, which completely sucked trying to explain to my father my neighbors were spying on me and belittling me in my head [?] I was such a wreck. Now its just embarrassing that I let myself get that far out there. I know I have scared them sooo many times with other drug use but this was just well out there.

I tried to cease taking the amps when it got really bad but not really I loved getting speed up, even though I used to hate uppers, that changed. Talked to my doctor, stopped the script but I still had 120 30mg IR's left flew thru those and checked into rehab. Eventually ending up in the psych ward. Totally sucked. I was also trying to get off klonopin, ativan, and suboxone also all at the same time, whoa. BIG shock to my body.

Truthfully I am still trying to recover from that incident or rather long running incident and it seems like out of all the drugs amphetamines have hurt me the most. Mainly in the mental arena as my memory is just not where I think it should be, I blame it on amps but who really knows??? Stopping I really didnt have to much w/d that I could specify was amp related but I had more pressing w/d's to deal with so that could have been why.

So I assume you know what to do, stop. Easier said than done sometimes though but that shit will just get worse at least for me it did. I was living in a completely delusional artificial world I created in my head. NOT FUN.

peace.
seedless
 
^^i'm sorry man, binges will fuck you up, and amphetamine will chew you up and spit you out. luckily lately I've only been using once a week, but right before that I saw The Truman Show, and I went through 2 binges in between watching it and deciding to only use once a week, shit it was scary as FUCK.
I am happy with using once a week, popping em not snorting or shooting (once you start shooting dexedrine you keep going until EVERYTHING IS GONE, lucky i have a scrip) and feeling euphoric and not feeling like a tweaker, hopefully i'm gettin my shit together and starting to choose life, as renton would say
 
Same exact shit happened to me on a breakthrough Salvia trip. I was so mad at my friend who was with me for going along with it for all these years. Hardest trip of my life.
 
Been there done that...had an Epiphany: my life is too damn boring to make even a crappy reality tv show. If you act normal no one watches you.

NOTE: The epiphany came after i freaked out so bad while severely sleep deprived, caffeinated, on adderall and coked up out of my mind while shopping alone at 3am in a Walmart Supercenter. i crawled onto a bottom shelf and curled into the fetal position behind some 'bed in a bag' bedding items and NO ONE NOTICED.
 
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