I was about 25 when I was diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia. Although I was receiving SSDI from the federal government my parents insisted that I work part time. I went through jobs like changing clothes, however, at one particular employment venture I bussed tables at The Granary in Smyrna Ga. I was heavily sedated on psych meds to slow down my thoughts and prevent people from what I thought at the time from reading my mind.
However, I could never figure out how the band knew I was working there because every time band sang a song about marijuana or getting high, they dedicated the song to me?
Evidently, my persona was so fucked up the house band used me as their poster child for being stoned. Stoned was an accurate term for the state I was in…heavy, slow-moving, brain-melting condition, with no escape from inside my head.
I eventually lost SSDI benefits including Medicare insurance based on the ability to support myself without government assistance. The problem here was I didn’t stay at job longer than two weeks because of my health, but that didn’t matter. I was penalized for trying to work even though ultimately I stopped trying altogether.
Some 30 years later, my third and hopefully final psychotic break happened due to mixing chemicals with herbal supplements. After my discharge from the hospital I figured out what I needed to reclaim my life from a half century of mental illness. I weighed over 351 pounds due to medication so I changed my diet and started walking. I purposely put myself outside my comfort zone by learning to socialize, at first I started volunteering at a local library and two months later was gainfully employed after more than 30 years. I started college and graduated with honors. Went to Bible college and later transferred to SUNY for bachelors degree in human services.
If someone had told me how my life would turn out after high school I would not have believed them. No one knows the future if you are in a rut I cannot guarantee your life will get better, but there is hope that it will. In any case I promise your life will change for better or for worse from the choices you make.
However, I could never figure out how the band knew I was working there because every time band sang a song about marijuana or getting high, they dedicated the song to me?
Evidently, my persona was so fucked up the house band used me as their poster child for being stoned. Stoned was an accurate term for the state I was in…heavy, slow-moving, brain-melting condition, with no escape from inside my head.
I eventually lost SSDI benefits including Medicare insurance based on the ability to support myself without government assistance. The problem here was I didn’t stay at job longer than two weeks because of my health, but that didn’t matter. I was penalized for trying to work even though ultimately I stopped trying altogether.
Some 30 years later, my third and hopefully final psychotic break happened due to mixing chemicals with herbal supplements. After my discharge from the hospital I figured out what I needed to reclaim my life from a half century of mental illness. I weighed over 351 pounds due to medication so I changed my diet and started walking. I purposely put myself outside my comfort zone by learning to socialize, at first I started volunteering at a local library and two months later was gainfully employed after more than 30 years. I started college and graduated with honors. Went to Bible college and later transferred to SUNY for bachelors degree in human services.
If someone had told me how my life would turn out after high school I would not have believed them. No one knows the future if you are in a rut I cannot guarantee your life will get better, but there is hope that it will. In any case I promise your life will change for better or for worse from the choices you make.
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