Life went on and as impossible as it seemed we started to wake up n see life, life like it really is, not thru the filter of heroin, graying out everything good besides itself and making every plan except the one to go cop seem pointless. This was was we had been waitin for, in a way, maybe we hadnt known it but now that shit was settled, that the days followed a smooth but comfortable track without sudden switches or gettin straight up derailed every other minute, it felt like the relief of surrendering in a game you just too tired to play anymore and stopped carin about winnin a long time ago. it wasnt perfect but it was somethin at least, right? We got used to the idea that this was it now, that this was how we would be, for a long time comin. We almost felt like this was real enough that we could keep on doin it, really give it a try.....But we knew the things that always lie in the back of our mind, our heart...
So now we go thru the motions with the rest of the world, learning all over again how it works, jobs, bank accounts, family holidays, college, cars we can afford to maintain and not just leave for dead when they break down cuz all our moneys reserved for one thing. We manage pretty good and we like it all right. we remember the days where everything that mattered could be counted in minutes, dollars, and the amount of phone numbers that could get us a bag and we feel....somethin, part wishin for the past and part gratitude that we got a break from all that cuz lord knows we needed it but woulda never been able to take it if it had been up to only us. Life is OK. It aint never gonna be perfect, but maybe theres somethin to this feeling that maybe there could be somethin positive around the corner for once.
But, deep inside us, like a candle that never goes out, we wait. We wait for that day 2 years down the road when this probation, parole, rehab classes end. for when we get our money right, fines paid, license back, counselors and cops and family and PO's off our asses, and suddenly own our own bodies again...
It aint that we want to go back to doin things the hard way, aint that we want to live like that...just that you never forget the ones you really loved, n dope aint no exception.
We wait for that visit from a far away friend, knowin its gonna come someday. And it aint the stressful, anxious, desperate wait that we got all too familiar with in our diesel daze. Its just a warm, happy, small feeling in our chest, one that belongs only to us, the knowledge that we have spent our whole lives to learn how to do this, and that we are ready. to wait , and wait, -- that no wait is too long, too much of a challenge, that we are made for this, to wait supreme, everlasting and never slip.
Like the quiet blue black winter dawn waits for the first beam of dark red sunlight to silently creep over the snow and slowly wash over morning, we are so patient. We wait with a private smile kept to ourselves, a pure, burning knowing of the facts in our soul that cant be cooled, a quiet fire whose only fuel is how completely certain we are of ourselves and the wait we keep like a vigil at the bedside of somebody we just aint gonna let die. We are waiting for you to come home, always leave the light on, and we know you gonna be there, if it takes a month, if it takes a year , we will be here.
Our whole life has prepared us for this and our patience will never end. We can out last you all, every last one of yall. you dont even know how we can wait, you could never be a match to us with your sentences and threats and how many days clean key chains and pisses in a cup, your authority can only go so far and last so long, and we gonna wait. You didnt think i had it in me, we say, but wat the hell do they know. We capable of things that people would never believe, and most of em never gonna find out.
And while we keep goin, working thru the days as we build on our goal little by little, the beauty is that it wont be now, but for once thats OK. It only makes us stronger, to know that it will be a long time comin so it dont matter because just knowin, just havin that ember glowing in our chest, reminding us that with every breath, hour, day , week, month, and year, the day grows closer--and that time will ,and does , go on n if theres one thing in the world we can count on , time is it...it puts the glow of sainthood on our tired junkie faces, closed eyes turned up towards the sky, lips slightly curvin with the virgin mary's transcendant half-smile of beautiful suffering, of enduring this worldly pain while knowin the thing we wait for will be more glorious than anyone on earth could imagine.
we know that we can do anything we set our mind to, we magicians and alchemists turnin shit to sugar and makin somethin from nothin, and we got it in us to keep it goin one more time. and that divine confidence, the complete sureness you bet with when you got a hand full of spades, aces, and all four jokers in a game of Spades....because we can be so certain, so absolutly positive, that we finally got one thing we know we can count on, it holds us. keeps us warm til we make it back home, til our waiting brings us to that final prize that we knew would always be there if only we could hold on long enough.
whenever life with the rest of the world gets rough all we need is to take a quick peek into the room in our mind where we store the dream, just think to ourselves about the truth that only we know, and let it comfort us til our resolve comes back. If we keep the faith, the hope that we cling to will be ours someday as long as we wait.
And I got all the time in the world, and I aint gonna stop, and when the timings right and the moment comes it will all be worth it, back to square one, the beginning but better this time, loose ends tied, older and wiser and ready to slip back into that old feeling like I never left and meet with that sweet oblivion again, and the joke will be on them cause I made it , I waited it thru, got back the thing I lost, and its all mine again forever.
We are here today but we pray for tomorrow, for the day we get reunited at last after all this time. Iit aint no lie when they say true love waits.
So now we go thru the motions with the rest of the world, learning all over again how it works, jobs, bank accounts, family holidays, college, cars we can afford to maintain and not just leave for dead when they break down cuz all our moneys reserved for one thing. We manage pretty good and we like it all right. we remember the days where everything that mattered could be counted in minutes, dollars, and the amount of phone numbers that could get us a bag and we feel....somethin, part wishin for the past and part gratitude that we got a break from all that cuz lord knows we needed it but woulda never been able to take it if it had been up to only us. Life is OK. It aint never gonna be perfect, but maybe theres somethin to this feeling that maybe there could be somethin positive around the corner for once.
But, deep inside us, like a candle that never goes out, we wait. We wait for that day 2 years down the road when this probation, parole, rehab classes end. for when we get our money right, fines paid, license back, counselors and cops and family and PO's off our asses, and suddenly own our own bodies again...
It aint that we want to go back to doin things the hard way, aint that we want to live like that...just that you never forget the ones you really loved, n dope aint no exception.
We wait for that visit from a far away friend, knowin its gonna come someday. And it aint the stressful, anxious, desperate wait that we got all too familiar with in our diesel daze. Its just a warm, happy, small feeling in our chest, one that belongs only to us, the knowledge that we have spent our whole lives to learn how to do this, and that we are ready. to wait , and wait, -- that no wait is too long, too much of a challenge, that we are made for this, to wait supreme, everlasting and never slip.
Like the quiet blue black winter dawn waits for the first beam of dark red sunlight to silently creep over the snow and slowly wash over morning, we are so patient. We wait with a private smile kept to ourselves, a pure, burning knowing of the facts in our soul that cant be cooled, a quiet fire whose only fuel is how completely certain we are of ourselves and the wait we keep like a vigil at the bedside of somebody we just aint gonna let die. We are waiting for you to come home, always leave the light on, and we know you gonna be there, if it takes a month, if it takes a year , we will be here.
Our whole life has prepared us for this and our patience will never end. We can out last you all, every last one of yall. you dont even know how we can wait, you could never be a match to us with your sentences and threats and how many days clean key chains and pisses in a cup, your authority can only go so far and last so long, and we gonna wait. You didnt think i had it in me, we say, but wat the hell do they know. We capable of things that people would never believe, and most of em never gonna find out.
And while we keep goin, working thru the days as we build on our goal little by little, the beauty is that it wont be now, but for once thats OK. It only makes us stronger, to know that it will be a long time comin so it dont matter because just knowin, just havin that ember glowing in our chest, reminding us that with every breath, hour, day , week, month, and year, the day grows closer--and that time will ,and does , go on n if theres one thing in the world we can count on , time is it...it puts the glow of sainthood on our tired junkie faces, closed eyes turned up towards the sky, lips slightly curvin with the virgin mary's transcendant half-smile of beautiful suffering, of enduring this worldly pain while knowin the thing we wait for will be more glorious than anyone on earth could imagine.
we know that we can do anything we set our mind to, we magicians and alchemists turnin shit to sugar and makin somethin from nothin, and we got it in us to keep it goin one more time. and that divine confidence, the complete sureness you bet with when you got a hand full of spades, aces, and all four jokers in a game of Spades....because we can be so certain, so absolutly positive, that we finally got one thing we know we can count on, it holds us. keeps us warm til we make it back home, til our waiting brings us to that final prize that we knew would always be there if only we could hold on long enough.
whenever life with the rest of the world gets rough all we need is to take a quick peek into the room in our mind where we store the dream, just think to ourselves about the truth that only we know, and let it comfort us til our resolve comes back. If we keep the faith, the hope that we cling to will be ours someday as long as we wait.
And I got all the time in the world, and I aint gonna stop, and when the timings right and the moment comes it will all be worth it, back to square one, the beginning but better this time, loose ends tied, older and wiser and ready to slip back into that old feeling like I never left and meet with that sweet oblivion again, and the joke will be on them cause I made it , I waited it thru, got back the thing I lost, and its all mine again forever.
We are here today but we pray for tomorrow, for the day we get reunited at last after all this time. Iit aint no lie when they say true love waits.