speedballs_over
Bluelighter
For my *600th* post since I joined under the name "speedbal_racer" in 2004: My benzo issues aside... that's a different beast but the two are conspiring to kill me.
I've been on the sub-dope-sub roundabout and am finding it difficult to exit. 36 weeks a year it's just subs, the others - as soon as I realize I "forgot" to pick-up and / or take my sub for 48 hours and I'm off to the dope man.
He's always there for me. You know, call the #, meet up, he's smiling, "No way duuuude, never any fent in my boy" .
Long term users - what's your best ORT / MAT / whatever you call using an mu-agonist/mixed-agonist medication for getting and staying off dope is? I'm not looking for kratom as an answer - that's not going to work with my lack of self-control.
FUCK!!! I wish we had HRT programs here in the US, or a supervised injection site at minimum so I could get my gear and get well safely before I take the rest home - I usually go by the exchange, get my works and buy a ball of bth - that's a few days worth. Heroin is the only opioid I want in my body, methadone I would accept. Subs I hate, they don't do shit for my cravings.
I'm not particulalry interested in meeting other users just to have someone to use with, that doesn't fit my rural lifestyle unless I had a roomate who was a user / dealer. That's no answer.
I feel if I could get methadone I'd be fine. It gave me four years of no use before I switched to subs a decade ago. I could deal with dosing daily, clinic rules, fight the benzo issue and so forth but getting to the clinic daily just isn't an option.
So it's; subs.... heroin.... subs.... heroin, heroin, heroin subs.. I've been testing my dope - no fentanyl, none since I was using ECP a year ago, now it's all bth.
Any thoughts? Failing on subutex, wanting heroin but would settle for methadone but simply can't get to it. It saved me before, I'm afraid with subs I'm going to OD. I live and use alone, one extra super important reason those two fent test strips the exchange gives me each day I p/u are absolutely critical to my survival, but will not ensure it.
My family is aware and scared. 600th post and I'm right where I was when I made my first, I'm simply 15 years older.
fuck me.
A huge thank you to everyone here at BL who has helped me over the past 15 years, and 600 posts - some of which I hoped helped others! Cheers...
Re-cap: the HR question is how do you stick to subs when they don't deal with cravings and dope is so fucking easy to get, yet methadone is a huge hassle? It feels hopeless.
I've been on the sub-dope-sub roundabout and am finding it difficult to exit. 36 weeks a year it's just subs, the others - as soon as I realize I "forgot" to pick-up and / or take my sub for 48 hours and I'm off to the dope man.
He's always there for me. You know, call the #, meet up, he's smiling, "No way duuuude, never any fent in my boy" .
Long term users - what's your best ORT / MAT / whatever you call using an mu-agonist/mixed-agonist medication for getting and staying off dope is? I'm not looking for kratom as an answer - that's not going to work with my lack of self-control.
FUCK!!! I wish we had HRT programs here in the US, or a supervised injection site at minimum so I could get my gear and get well safely before I take the rest home - I usually go by the exchange, get my works and buy a ball of bth - that's a few days worth. Heroin is the only opioid I want in my body, methadone I would accept. Subs I hate, they don't do shit for my cravings.
I'm not particulalry interested in meeting other users just to have someone to use with, that doesn't fit my rural lifestyle unless I had a roomate who was a user / dealer. That's no answer.
I feel if I could get methadone I'd be fine. It gave me four years of no use before I switched to subs a decade ago. I could deal with dosing daily, clinic rules, fight the benzo issue and so forth but getting to the clinic daily just isn't an option.
So it's; subs.... heroin.... subs.... heroin, heroin, heroin subs.. I've been testing my dope - no fentanyl, none since I was using ECP a year ago, now it's all bth.
Any thoughts? Failing on subutex, wanting heroin but would settle for methadone but simply can't get to it. It saved me before, I'm afraid with subs I'm going to OD. I live and use alone, one extra super important reason those two fent test strips the exchange gives me each day I p/u are absolutely critical to my survival, but will not ensure it.
My family is aware and scared. 600th post and I'm right where I was when I made my first, I'm simply 15 years older.
fuck me.
A huge thank you to everyone here at BL who has helped me over the past 15 years, and 600 posts - some of which I hoped helped others! Cheers...
Re-cap: the HR question is how do you stick to subs when they don't deal with cravings and dope is so fucking easy to get, yet methadone is a huge hassle? It feels hopeless.