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Trouble Remember'n the "good" times...

MasterSplinter

MasterSplinter

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2009
Messages
1,243
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"Ill take a good bean if its Green n mean."
Hey there Bluelighters. Its your old punchin bag mastersplinter. I had to go away for awhile.

The good news however, is that I have not rolled in 3 weeks. My cognitive function seems to be rising and I have less desire to do E then I did before.

However it seems alot of my memories of rollin times are slippin away from me... they are so fuzzy they feel like a dream.

I dont want to loose the memores s they are all I got left of E. I might be rollin at ecd but im on a winning streak right now and dont want to mess it up. plus I aint got no desire to take E, just a cold 6 pack of bud light does me good.

So how to I get my memories back?
 
I'd say start keeping a journal/diary and put pics/things that remind you of good times into it. It's a little emo, but it will help you remember.
 
It may be a little emo as you say, but it definitely works. I recently (8 weeks ago) started keeping a journal of good memories because I could barely remember any from my life. At first it was like pulling teeth and I could barely come up with anything except negative memories. But after I'd found about 10 good memories, they just started coming out. It's like any thing you practice: it becomes easier with time and effort. Using pictures and objects that evoke past times is a great idea, Shulgin.

After I'd racked up about 20 good memories, I gained the courage to write down negative/ambivalent memories as well. Initially, I didn't want to write down negative memories because they're already too available. And part of my reason for writing own good memories was so that when I was depressed, I could look at a list of things that reminded me that life could be good.

But now I'm writing short stories based on individual memories. It's great therapy, and when I'm in the darkest of depressions and can only think of negative things, I can look at the list and distract myself from negative ideation.
 
I always write down notes of good times in my cell phone. And almost everytime I roll with friends I have my digital camera and we always take pictures like crazy, I can always go look at my facebook photos to remember all the good times with friends. Even when I hear certain songs, it instantly reminds me of certains times I had while rolling.
 
I feel your pain - as a long-term user of E that hardly touches the stuff anymore, I don't even remember what made it so great and magical for those first 10 to 12 times. For the first 5 to 6 years I had shadow memories of those magical experiences, and now 8 years later and after so many hard come downs and hard recoveries, I don't even have those shadow memories. I just intellectually know that it was mind blowing and so amazing, but there's no emotional connection or feelings associated with any of those memories -- they are just kind of like a hollow shell without any emotion attached.

The closest I come now is sometimes when I'm drinking and listen to dance music from the era when I was new to E and for just a fleeting moment I get these short-lived flashbacks where I somehow connect that something great and magical was happening and I'd love to have it back - but after so many years I've just had to finally resign myself and accept that there's no going back.....life moves on.
 
I started a journal. And for me, I can be really vague about it and put just little notes of what went on (so I don't have to spend so much time writing) and when I go back and read it all the memories come flooding back.
 
i feel for u brother this is week number two for me and im just chompin at the bit the roll man is lives down the street and im a every weekend roller for about 2 years now
 
Well they come and they go...it depends. Sometimes I can stimulate the senses and create a memory. Like lookin at old rave fliers or a special piece of candy.

But most of the stuff inbetween is gone. I miss gettin wild with the ladies and making bonds with the homies...those long conversations I swore I never forget..

...are gone. :|
 
I feel your pain man.

The only thing that really keeps me from doing more E is past memories.

I have a little journal of about 70 percent of my rolls I keep on pill reports.
Every roll I take I describe it as much as I would want to during and after the roll.

So me and my roll partners can look back at those every once in a while with glee.
I'm actually thinking about making a photo album to keep those memories,
because usually if I can remember the good time I had, I can stay away from taking more later.
 
I went through a honeymoon period recently, looking back it's hard to believe it was even me acting that way. Just do your best to be as happy and open with people as possible without mdma, because if overused it will inevitably steal all the love from your life. It doesn't matter if you can't remember man, it's what you take from the experience to the rest of your life that counts. You know you had a hell of a time. Be grateful that you have experienced such a magic that most people never do!

Looking through the 152 photos we took one morning after the rest of the world stopped partying never fails to put a smile on my face.
 
Pictures, so many things i'd forgotten then someone would she me a pic and it'd be like aaawh yeah. Then all the memorys'd could flooding back.

Shame I only ever had like 4 pics of me taken rolling :(
 
It's good to hear that you quit, MasterSplinter. You were going a little crazy with the pills a few weeks ago. I also noticed that you type much clearer now, possibly because your brain has actually had some time to recover.

If you're on a streak with quitting, I would avoid taking beans at the dance party as it could set you right back to square one.

Also, with the memorys, I think everyones eventually fade. It's probably because when you're fucked on MDMA it's like a dream in a sense, and overtime it becomes blurry because you can't put the pieces of the feelings you were having together. I have a few vivid memorys of doing MDMA with friends, but lots of them are just big blurs because I was so fucked out of my head at the time. As other users have said, pictures would probably be the best memory keeper.
 
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