Tripping Before the Family

[spinkle]

Tripping Before the Family
Searching through pockets at dinner produces a stem
Who would’ve thought that I’d ruin Christmas again?
Living too long at too far a distance from reality
Makes coming down harder and really not worth it for me
So I sleep through the morning, the afternoon roll out of bed
Last night’s stoned emotions still ringing and swelling my head
Walk as if drugged and slip slowly into the shower
‘Cause most likely my mother will be home within the hour
Is there still time to accomplish something
or should I give in now?
What can I do when you’re no longer around?
And applying myself at this point could be a mistake
So I’m sitting around wondering how many doses to take
Scheduling a life running at a much different pace
Although everyone’s certain it’s quickly becoming too late
Do I stand a chance of fulfilling potential
Or should I give up now?
What can I do if you’re no longer around?
Oh, and don’t think in terms of how you can save me
That’s not what I’m looking for
How long’s it been since I haven’t been the one they adore?
Well, I cast a web of emotion and they don’t care
How long will it take them to notice I’m no longer there?
Too fucked up to wonder if I’ll make it home
Sometimes there’s something much worse than tripping alone
A quick search through pockets produces more than a stem
It’s no shock, no surprise, I’ve ruined Christmas again
Living the echo of a sound I once made
Pushed farther and farther away
Believing that waiting was the only way out
Now left searching for something to say
Caught my eyes close
As the connectedness flows
Away from between us
Caught my eyes close
As the connectedness flows
Away from
Between us.
[ 14 December 2001: Message edited by: spinkle ]

 

[E-girl]

when i read this, i see more than just your words. i see pain. and i might be wrong in assuming that... but that's all i see. i dont believe you when you say you're "ruining Christmas again"... i think what you're really saying is YOUR christmas is ruined again, for whatever reason. someone is not paying attention to you, or you feel like you're left out, or forgotten, and that's not an easy feeling to deal with. you feel like no one will even notice if you're fucked up, and no one will sit home wondering if you're gonna make it home ok.
like i said, i might be wrong in my assumptions... but if i've hit even in the ballpark, i think you have some issues that you should face with your family, dont keep feelings like that bottled up and dont try to forget about them with drugs... feelings like that dont go away, they have a way of multiplying.
acid is not the answer. you need to talk to your family. you need to make peace with them and yourself.
(sorry if i interpreted this wrong)
*** hug ***

 

[harraser]

"devils speak of the way in which she'll manifest
angels bleed from the tainted touch of my caress
need to cantaminate to aleviate this lonliness
I now know the depths I reach are limitless"-NIN
so you think that theyve given up on you and youve given up on yourself so now life is hopeless and youre trying to see how low you can get. well all I can say is,its you life and if you want it to be better you have to make it that way.if you dont like being told youve ruined christmas then dont do the things thatll make them say youve ruined it.I know Im sounding harsh here but its not good to wallow in self pity. I really liked your words but trying to kill the pain with drugs doesnt work,it just pushes it all aside and makes you deal with it later in huge quantities all at once

 

[spinkle]

Thank you both, for the concern as well as the praise I wrote this--sober(!)--two years ago. It's a lyrics-as-catharsis situation...I hate Christmas (this is true), and at a certain point I had toyed with the idea of eating mushrooms during dinner and then telling my family off while peaking
I didn't do it, of course--just a very immature fantasy that wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable if it was played out. Of the songs that I've written this is the one that I can perform with the most passion and intensity
I do want you to keep in mind that there is no wrong answer when it comes to reading--whatever you see in your head when you read/hear those words is what the song [poem] is about...what I "mean" doesn't really matter. My goal with writing is to write pieces that require no context to be successful--you shouldn't need to know who I am or anything about me in order for this song to hit home--but I will say that the underlying issues that caused it to be written have been dealt with...my familial relationships have taken a serious turn for the better in the recent past.
Thanks so much for reading it
spinkle

 

[harraser]

well Im glad things are on the up for you
this really was a good peice,whats your band called, Ill look out for you and maybe Ill get to hear this oneday.

 

[spinkle]

My band is called Coming Honey
Email me, I'll try and hook you up with some mp3's