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Tried to get out

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Badback10

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2012
Messages
54
The basics are restless arms and legs twitching like a twigger no offense to anyone. The diarrhea the vomiting you will throw up and nothing but this vial green yellow bial just doesn't stop i have worm all under my skin i cant lay down with out twitching this is hell for the next 5 days. How to you explain that to your kids? The doctor said no weening down so this is what its like to use the system legally become addicted and be left on your own. Not to mentioned the pain is still here and hetting worse, the drugs did one job but in VA they onlu care about the DEA. This has been the last 17 years of my life and more and more are.taken away. I rode motorcycles was a volunteer fireman coached my kids now i cant ride the fire dept cant use me i understand, i sit in my home and watch the wife to my jobs the kids.play without me its so hard but when im on the drugs i can function and do some things i just cant make them understand what i need the doc always says im being watched i have to be careful. All this shit and in the 4 years i have seen him i never failed a drug test by him or my job. Thats the thanks i get

Sorry just in a dark place
And I have the desire and capacity to end it all real quick i just dont want to destroy my kids lives its problems in my head noone can fix. I'm tired of the 24 hour pain the fact that im only 25% the man i was and on top of that I'm no an addict that cant legally get what i need to come down. Im sorry for this i have noone that can ever understand what im living with by me.
 
What you are experiencing sounds horrible both physically and psychologically. It sounds to me like you might be better off getting off painkillers and trying to find another way to deal with the pain. I know that back pain can be very hard to deal with but have you ever tried going to a pain management clinic? Is your doctor just having you take a tolerance break or is he/she advocating getting off pain meds?

If you are feeling suicidal because of all of this can you call a friend or a crisis line? Ending your life would impact your family in ways you cannot even imagine. I know that right now you are consumed both with physical pain and mental despair but there is hope for both out there. Your kids love you for who you are and the love you have for them. Concentrate on that to hold you while you look for some different ways to get help. Whatever you are doing right now is not working. You deserve help for what you are going through and you shouldn't give up until you find it.<3
 
I have been going to a pain management doctor I have never failed any of his urine tests and i was shocked that he was fine with me going cold turkey from 75 microgram patch for the past 7 months i realize my mistake now and i called and asked to be weened down to 50 then 25 and his nurse said the doctor will not be writing anything for pain i requested to talk to him and never got a call back so im stopping in tomorrow to see him this is so crazy i dont feel safe and im afraid to be around my kids if i snap not physically hurt them but scare them for some reason. I did speak to my primary doc and she said to call her if i need help. My goal is to be 100% off opiates and get an accurate account of how bad my pain is and look at other options. I just get so worried as the only sorce of income and physically 25% of me left im worth more dead then alive but to my family nothing can replace me no matter how much money but the pain and rx drugs are killing me and its not fair i cant get the help i need. You would think a doctor would be happy that im asking for less. I hope i answered your question im not myself and i feel all over the place im scared honestly.
 
i don't see showing up at your pain doctor's office and asking to see him as something that is going to help you in any way. why did he cut you off?

if i were in your shoes i would try to work through your primary doc - who has offered to help - and see about getting referred to a new pain management physician.

you may also want to look into some therapy for your anxiety and depression. i am a chronic pain patient myself and i can't tell you how much actually dealing with these things has improved my pain level and life.
 
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