Treatment day 1

12-23-09

Well what can I say, Ive been homeless since Tuesday of last week, and yeah lemmie tell you, its a fucking wake up call.
waking up at 5:30am every morning, and since i'm so used to sleeping till 5:30pm in the afternoon it's like what the fuck?

The shelter wasn't all that bad, you get there at 3pm, sign in at 3pm, shower, make ur bed, wait till 5:30pm till they serve dinner, after dinner you go smoke, or can go to bed.
Lately i've been reading "Eclipse" from the Twilight series. It's not a bad book.
Anyways I'm finally in treatment, got my room, I Share it with a KKKlan member and he seem's cool from what I saw.
I'm still fucking suprised I'm on the fucking internet lol.
----------------------------------------------
Well I fucked up, You know how most people want that last fuck up before you go right, well yea I slipped again, me being a fucking dumbass a shot 1mg of a dilaudid and it still had blood in it from a guy I met at the shelter, he told me that he was clean, and didn't have HIV or Hepatitis , still my dumb ass was like "OK SURE WHY FUCKING NOT", I didn't feel fucking shit. So after all that shit I might now have HIV,
You know now, I'm writing this accepting that I have a fucking problem. The craving hit me, and since I have no mental defense my smart thinking got me to put that shit into my vein, and now there's a P size bump where the needle went it.
I'm so fucking worried..
-----------------------------
It is 6:34pm my time, and I oughta been in group, I just felt like sharing my strength and shit with everyone.
I feel pretty low now after sharing a needle with a homeless dude. I don't know ya'l, I'm staying away from the bluelight lounge for a while and sticking with my blogs.
-------
I have a problem, I need help.
God please grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change the courage to change things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I know you hear it all the time at every meeting. It just now hit the nail with me,
wish you all a good night and merry christmas,
I'll see you all later.
-Drew

 

Hey man, the rehab should have done blood work when you got processed in. If you're like me, you may not remember much of when you were checked in. Ask them if they did take blood and if they didn't, ask if they will. If something turns up they'll let you know. I don't know what the various incubation periods are for the various Hep's, HIV, etc but the nurses at your facility should be able to give you some decent info.

Dude, its funny, my roommate was a racist skin from the penitentiary. Perhaps we are living parallel lives?

Keep on keepin' on, man. I'm certain I'm not the only one that is proud of you (here on BL and otherwise)

 

Hey thanks man,
Just got out of a treatment style AA meeting. It fucking sucked.
It wasn't like the ones you go somewhere and can meet people with longer sobriety like you can at other meetings. They still had coffee and shit but who want's to stay awake and hear a boring ass speaker?
If it were a closed discussion meeting that would have been fine. I know the speaker was telling how it was when she was drinking and drugging but then she started talking about her dog, and how she drank over shit that I used to drink regardless.
If it was someone that talked more about the obsession about that drink or the cravings, and how that effected your life would be different.
I know it's going to get better, it's just little things like that.
Luckily I had my 30 day supply of Neurontin and Remron to look forward to to be able to handle my nerves and sleep, and not have to really about drinking to black out just to be able to sleep.
Some day I want to get off of ALL OF THAT SHIT! For now, man/ladys I really need the meds to keep my nerves under control.
----
For Example: I don't know if any of yal have been to a homeless shelter but everyone there hustles cloths that they were given free from churches and other organizations. anyways this black dude came up to me and said "White Boy", I turned around and told him that "This white boy has a mother fuckin name", I told him my name and he went on and said, "Ok white boy Drew", and started to get in my face like he was going to do something.
Well I'm not a big fighter. I'm just to fucking generous when it comes down to helping people, anyways this cool mixd guy came up and said that I was with him. So the black dude that was giving me problems backed down and the mixd dude told me just to go back to my bunk and to lay down, so I did.
I'm so fucking glad to get out of there, I still have some of my shit there, nothing like super valuable just some nice jeans like bullhead,american eagle,lucky brand,ecko and some other shit. I still have my big ass suit case with me, that was just the carry on.
Anyways long story short I found out tonight who the winners are and who the trouble makers are, and not trying to going a gang or anything but I want to put my self around the guys that are so called "doing the deal" and isn't in here just for a bed, or just to get a disability check. ya know?
It's getting late here almost 10pm my time (central) So I'm going to head off to bed 5:00 comes quick, but thank god that I was able to get a nice memory foam mattress pad thing at sams/costco I got back when I was in school.
I tell ya its so much better than the fucking swimming pool mattress I had to sleep on at the salvation army.
Wanna wish everyone a good night,
-Drew

 

Some meetings are better than others. I try to get something out of each one (I go every day) but it can be hard when someone's complaining about their fish eating their cat or how hard it is to start a THIRD business (ummmm.... I don't even have a job!).

At these meetings, once again, I try to practice principles like open-mindedness, tolerance and sometimes even empathy (even though I find it difficult to empathize with some spoiled, rich dude who feels like relapsing because daddy took his credit card away)

Tell ya what though... I mostly make some hardcore meetings with men and women who have TRULY been through it. I've grown fond of them and some are fond of me. It feels good, man.

If you ever find yourself in Philly, I'd definitely be proud to hang with ya some day (Philly girls ROCK!). We'll get ya laid and 'meeting'd up'!!!!

 

It can take up to 6 months for HIV to show up on a test. Keep an eye on that D. I don't know about Hep C, that bug is so fucking virulent that it would probably show up quickly. I really hope that you didn't catch anything from that shot-- gotta take care of yourself.

That aside, it's good to hear that you're out of the shelter and into the rehab proper. You really do seem to want to quit, and I have no doubt in my mind that you'll make it work. Many people would have crumpled under the conditions at the shelter, but you were able to do fine, and even stick up for yourself. That shows a real strength of character that will take you far. Once you get past this hurdle.

Happy Xmas to you D's!