So, as you all know my fiance is a meth addict. Well, he's not really my fiance right now but we are still together, seeing if he can make the changes necessary to be with me.
Out of curiosity, does this have something to do with the "evaporating" meth?
We really want to get him on some sort of treatment for this...has anyone found that any antidepressants, antipsychotics or the like have been helpful in dealing with post-meth-use-depression and with meth cravings?
Depression related to a chemical imbalance in the brain is depression. It doesn't matter if it was brought on by drug use or otherwise. So as far as psychiatric medicine, it's simply a matter of finding an effective anti-depressant.
However, we all know that anti-depressants can often be ineffective and/or counter-productive. And especially if this person did not have issues with depression prior to the after-effects of drug use, it may be a better idea to find alternatives to medicine.
And more important than medicine in a case like this is counseling. You can go directly to drug treatment or to behavioral counselor or psychologist or a combination of the above. But counseling of some form is definantly essential when someone is along in their addiction to the point that they're harming themselves or engaging in risky behavior beyond the drug use itself like stealing or violence.
In your case, relationship counseling would also be a really good idea. However, if it's not covered by insurance, it might be impossible to do.
And aside from your fiance, you yourself may want to consider counseling.
You are going to need to accept as an absolute fact that the process of his recovery is going to take a while. And that he will almost certainly relapse. You're going to have to accept the fact that no matter how generally nice or well meaning of a person he is that when you get angry at him for his behavior, he's going to be likely to turn some of the blame around on you and try to excuse all his wrong-doings on anything and everything but himself. And it doesn't mean he doesn't accept what he's done or that he neccessarily means what he says. It's a matter of him having to deal with overwhelming guilt in his actions and knowing he doesn't have complete control over himself and him not understanding why he does some of the things he does.
Addiction is a compulsive disorder. And you can't compare your drug use to his. The same rules are not neccesarily going to apply. With someone who goes as far as stealing drugs or stealing things to support a habit, those decision to take those actions are not entirely conscious efforts. At some level a person like that understands what they're doing is wrong, but it's almost like being possessed. Sometimes you're fine. Other times the cravings are just completely overwhelming. You both mentally and phsyically feel horrible and you know the only relief is going to be for you to get high. You know that even though you're going to have to deal with what you're done eventually, that while you're high all your guilt and anxieties and other problems will be temporarily gone. And when the cravings are at their worse, you're just completely distracted and can't get your mind off it until you use.
Both you and him need to know this. Both you and him need to talk about this in depth more than once. You need to know what's going on with him. He needs to understand his own problems. You both need to understand what's going on with each other. And there needs to be trust so he can tell you when he's having a hard time or if he fucks up and that he absolutely can't lie to you.
Another thing is that when someone reaches the point of addiction where they get into stealing and lying and such.. that's it. The person is going to be like that forever and they can only get worse as long as they use. You can go clean for years and when you start using again things might be okay for a while and the person might be able to even keep regular use managed for a while... but eventually the person will lose control again, start using more and more regularly and eventually things will get back to the same point again. EVERYONE who has a serious drug problem thinks when they start using again that they can keep it managed and they'll pat themselves on the back and think they can handle it, and if they keep using they ALWAYS end up with the same problems they had before. It is a compulsive disorder and that's that. The only real control over it is to not use. In the long run, it's simply impossible to manage it. Also, when someone is an addict they have a drug of choice or two. When they use other drugs, they don't really use the other drugs because they enjoy it, it's a matter of wanting to get high and substituting. And when you do that and use the substitute drug regularly enough thinking it's not something you're addicted to, it leads back to compulsive behavior and the person goes back to their drug of choice.
This probably means that if you want to stay with this guy, YOU can't use anymore either. Because if you use, it's a greenlight for him to use. He can't handle it, obviously. And your only other option is to lie and not tell him you're still using.. but that creates a whole new set of issues.
Better yet tell him its quit or you walk.
This doesn't work. Addicts can't simply quit for someone and the vast majority couldn't just up and quit if they knew the next time they used they would die.
And simply hanging a pressure over someones head like "if you mess up, we're through"... the stress will absolutely drive them to use. It sounds completely irrational, but drug addiction is irrational.
When you've got someone who is just starting to go clean, you have to EXPECT them to relapse. This doesn't mean it's okay for them to use every once in a while or anything like that. It's not an excuse. But the person is going to relapse probably a few times over the first few months of recovery before they finally manage to stay completely sober.
This has a lot to do with why I recommended relationship counseling. Because to some extent, you HAVE to tolerate certain unacceptable behaviors. But at the same time you have to have clearly defined rules and boundries. When one person in a relationship or family has an addiction problem, EVERYONE has a problem. The first 6 to 12 months of an addict in recovery are HELL on EVERYONE. And what is likely to happen is that a LOT of things are going to come out.. because now the addict feels exposed and the secret is out.. so then more secrets come out. Again, I emphasize that this is HELL on EVERYONE. And when an addict is exposed and needs to recover, the problems are FAR from over.
If you can't handle it, you can't handle it. And if you can't accept a person relapsing, you can't handle it and you might as well end it sooner than later.
Finally, the subject of Narcotics Anonymous comes up. Unless it's a matter of life or death, I would STRONGLY DISCOURAGE NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.
Here's how NA works: First, the person is told they have hit their bottom (the reality is that if you're still alive, you have plenty more bottoms to hit, you have plenty more times to clean up and go back to drugs and do over it again and essentially you can sell your mom to a biker gang for a $10 crack rock and you've still got bottoms to hit until you're dead). Second, you are told that you cannot be clean without being apart of the NA Program. Third, you are told that you need a higher power. Between two and three, the program says that you are incapable of doing things yourself or helping yourself. This creates MAJOR self-esteem problems and breeds a mentality where the individual not only can't help, but since they rely on everyone else it essentially tells them they're not responsible for anything they do because they're sick and need others. Fourth, all of the above are reinforced with the group instilling the need for acceptance BY the group, creating yet MORE major self-esteem problems. The idea has a good meaning behind it.. you've got more motivation to stay clean because these people will accept you. However, with the fact that people in the program are encouraged to come to meetings several times a week and you're being bombarded with messages that you need the group and you're a weak person and all that, the group eventually becomes the main focus of your life. And to top it all off, they encourage their members to refrain from relationship in the first year of recovery and your sponser and other people in the program will tell you this over and over and over. Infact, the meetings become an important social outlet in your life and the members who have no self-esteems try to live vicariously through others and control and manipulate others.
Infact, instead of "the program", they might as well call it "the brainwash". Because without exaggerating, brainwashing IS what the NA program is really all about. It does not teach people how to realistically cope with their problems. That's why people with drug problems should get help from certified and licensed counselors, not a bunch of mentally ill losers.
Seriously Kitty, I wish you the best of luck. I know I made this whole ordeal sound really hard, but if you have patience and understanding it's going to be a breeze. It just takes time and it doesn't mean you're going to have problems on a daily basis or anything close. Issues are going to come up here and there, but you should be able to deal with it. Things are going to be more stressful than usual for a while, but when you get things fixed, they're fixed. If you have any other questions or just want to talk or whatever, PM me and I'll give you my email address. I'm definantly an expert on this subject having lost friends and relationships because of either my drug problems or their drug problems or watching others go through the same crap. I've seen what works and doesn't work enough times to find general rules.
