Treading Water

[Finder]

I've never posted in words before. To be honest, I haven't written anything in at least two years, so I don't know what got into me this morning. I got back from coffee and just typed out these lyrics, they'll eventually get turned into a song--hence the verse, verse, chorus, verse, chorus format.

I'd love some comments.

Treading Water
with motivation dead
it's hard to keep your eye on the prize
as light cascades through the trees
i can't say why i'm still here
waiting for something intangible, reminiscent of some far off goal
an apology, a few kind words, a fevered dream

tendrils of wishes shimmer above poorly paved streets
unfilled potholes, relics of winter, the blossoming flowers
the stillness of summer astounds me
though i can't say why i'm still here
treading water in a sea of conformity, choking on salt water and gasoline fumes
an angry letter, a faint smile, the starry night sky

when i say there's only one thing for me
know i'm not a fool to believe in what i can
what i have is mine
but what i have i give
afterall, i don't know why i stay

please shake the foundation of my beliefs
did i tell you it's been five years and counting?
the hum drum scene is a stagnant lake
I can't say why i'm still here
could i have some encouragement, maybe a pat on the back?
an empty bottle of booze, a crushed out cigarette, a breath of fresh air

when i say there's only one thing for me
know i'm not a fool to believe in what i can
what i have is mine
but what i have i give
afterall, i don't know why i stay

 

[Mariposa]

Beautiful.

I am speechless, sweetie.

I can't wait to hear it with the music.

 

[katmeow]

tendrils of wishes shimmer above poorly paved streets
unfilled potholes, relics of winter, the blossoming flowers
the stillness of summer astounds me
though i can't say why i'm still here
treading water in a sea of conformity, choking on salt water and gasoline fumes
an angry letter, a faint smile, the starry night sky

Patricularly liked that part.

Nice work... I'd also love to hear it to music

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

could i have some encouragement, maybe a pat on the back?
an empty bottle of booze, a crushed out cigarette, a breath of fresh air

Good stuff, I liked this bit the most!

 

[up all night]

Yeah I'd definitely love to hear this as a song. Melancholy emotion that isn't overpowering... nice work.

 

[cherub]

great stuff,,, i enjoyed reading this,,,, i bet with music it really flows