transparency.

[rewiiired]

To count form one to ten
to swallow this thought again
in hopes that it will digest
rather than rise back up
for me to chew on and choke on

words never spoken
habits never broken
ideas never acted
dualities never reconciled.

The split is widening
I feel almost dead in the rift of tension
the surface is hiding
things far beyond my comprehension.

A chill runs down my spine
the monster's still alive
should I take the pill again
to remember the light of life?

Everything's the same again
I'm not sleeping in silence
I think I'm growing more insane
I just space out, stare without blinking.

Could it be I'm just a
schizophrenic, delusional
scared little boy that can't grow
up and face the truth or
the lack thereof?

I seem to be so stuck in this
prison of an ego, this
claustrophobic mask I can't
see through when I look
at myself in the mirror of my mind.

I'm transparent to them,
naked and bleeding, but I
cannot even see me.

I do not know myself,
my best friend,
my greatest enemy.

I know it's all a game, but I
just don't want to play,
it never seems fun to me.
I just can't see the meaning.

What have you done to me?
I still can't see beyond the seeming.

Can I let go and run with me
or must I go on feeling my lack of feeling
until I can build it up and break though
with my words, a pill, a lay, or some
other means of bleeding?

I just want to be
naked and innocent,
free and feeling;
naked, innocent,
liberated, and
radiantly bleeding.

 

[FixXxer]

if you hate your life, your life will hate you.

i feel this fro some reason. seems like i lived a day in your life. you caught the emotion well

good job.

 

[blahblahblah]

I know it's all a game, but...

Good stuff as usual,

 

[lost_boi]

that was awesome.
i read it fast, and it felt like it was one big cycle. like each line was a spoke on a wheel and it just kept turning.
flowed very well

 

[Sara Tonin]

I enjoyed reading this and especially liked these parts:

I seem to be so stuck in this
prison of an ego, this
claustrophobic mask I can't
see through when I look
at myself in the mirror of my mind.

People often talk about others' masks and I found it refreshing that you described your own conflict with your ego/mask.

Can I let go and run with me
or must I go on feeling my lack of feeling
until I can build it up and break though
with my words, a pill, a lay, or some
other means of bleeding?

Lack of feeling should be comfortable and calming but sometimes it's much worse than pain. I like the imagery of your breaking through your non-feeling self and bleeding out.