Addiction Transitioning to Sober Living?

[number22]

Okay so I guess i'll start with a back story of my drug use. I feel like this will be a long post, idk I'm just going to wing it. If you don't wanna read, the questions are at the bottom.

13 - first time getting drunk
14 - first time getting high
16 - first time lsd and shrooms
17 - discovery of prescription drug highs - ambien, xanax, klonopin, lyrica, etc.
at 17 a 2 1/2 year relationship ended, resulting in me needing to escape my thoughts. I began taking ambien to feel the effects of fighting sleep for a little bit, then would wake up in the morning not remembering falling asleep. I was very depressed and just hated thinking. Then I found xanax and that was better because I was able to pass out when I wanted and wouldnt have to worry about doing anything stupid (although blacking out is so common on it, but that only happened to me when mixed with alcohol).

My prescription drug phase ended basically after summer when I was 17 years old. I finally moved on from the relationship, and around this time was when a friend began selling tabs (of 25i...we all thought it was LSD). I was tripping every weekend or every other weekend with friends or alone. My local movie theater has a discount tuesday, and a handful of times I went there with a friend to watch while tripping.

When I turned 18 I was just ready to go to college. I hated high school, skipped SO MUCH. But hey I still graduated at top 20% of my class xD. I was basically just letting time pass. Main drug during this time was just weed.

Now off to college, it was great. Partying, freedom, kids my age EVERYWHERE. Except one day driving with a friend..we came up to a police checkpoint and the car reeeeeked so bad. So we get searched and get ticketed for possession. This was my second time getting caught with weed, so they had me do a alcohol and drug abuse referral program. I had to abstain from drug use..which really just meant weed because of how long it stays in your system.

This is when things get bad again. I was losing my shit, weed truly helped me calm down and not think about all the dumb shit that bothers me. So here comes the xanax..and lots of drinking on it. I am very short and only weigh 120 lbs, but my tolerance got up to being able to take 4 2mg bars on top of drinking without backing out. Fuck, that was a rough couple months, but after my referral program thing I was back to smoking weed. Fuck pills.

At this point I was an emotional wreck. I dropped out of college, with the plan of just taking one semester off to figure things out. At one point I considered therapy, but that was just a really low point this year. I feel sooo much better than I did 2 months ago. Actually at this point I think it was only one month ago.

NOW FINALLY I GOT THAT BORING BACK STORY OVER

Less than a week ago, I smoked DMT for my first time. The first 5 attempts all failed and only left me with very very subtle effects. Then finally I get the big hit. There had to be about 40mg in the pipe because I got tired of weighing out 15-20mg and then getting barely any effects. So I piled that shit in there and made it happen.

I blasted off, life changing experience blah blah blah.
Throughout all my drug use I knew it was all wrong, and always felt bad about doing it. However now I just really don't want to do them. I was interested in buying 2ce, more 4 aco dmt, opiates, and probably other things after that.

Now I don't care, they seem so pointless. More pointless than ever. I don't think I'm ready to give up weed though. My whole point of this post is, if you are sober, how did you approach it? When did you know you were ready? What was the reason? Difficulty? Drugs used? I'm only 19, but I think it's good that I'm feeling this way at this age. I'll be able to quit drug use before my friends most likely. Sorry for the long post, all replies greatly appreciated!

 

[toolittletoolate]

Man you are so so young. This would be an absolutely wonderful time to get off drugs. I still think certain ones like LSD or DMT can be used as a tool. But by and large, I think it would be a wonderful decision.

You have to find hobbies and things to do that don't revolve around drugs. You have to stop hanging around friends that you only get fucked up with. It definitely takes some effort on your part, but it is also very possible. And easier at your age before habits really start to get ingrained. Especially since you haven't started opiates yet.

Definitely take your time and weigh all of the options. Smoke some more DMT if you have to. But think really hard. You are so young and still have your whole life to change things. If I could go back to your age and make that kind of decision again I think my life as a whole would have been much better. Really consider that.

Best of luck.

 

[simco]

I think it's very smart to recognize that you'll be ahead of the game if you can quit at a young age. Coming to the realization that you "knew it was all wrong, and [you] always felt bad about doing it" speaks to some keen insight on you part...as you end up changing your relationship to drugs, my biggest recommendation is to use that insight to your advantage...if people (including me!) try selling you bullshit, call them on it or walk away. If you quit and then relapse, use your smarts to figure out what went wrong and how you can prevent yourself from repeating it. Etc.

I guess the other question is: what would you LIKE to see in the way of change in your relationship with drugs? I can't quite tell--are you looking to quit, to moderate your use, to quit some drugs but continue with others?

There isn't a wrong answer to this question. And your answer may certainly change over time. But I do think that setting clear, attainable goals is helpful when we're wrestling stuff as big as this.

I'm looking forward to following your thread!

 

[number22]

I guess the other question is: what would you LIKE to see in the way of change in your relationship with drugs? I can't quite tell--are you looking to quit, to moderate your use, to quit some drugs but continue with others?

I'm looking forward to following your thread!

Want to quit drugs but continue marijuana and LSD. For the past two months or so, my smoking has really cut down. I can make 3.5 grams last me a whole week. I have no desire to smoke during the day, only at night when my responsibilities are gone. The only exception to smoking in the day is when I do one of my hobbies. But that's literally one or two hits from my bong.

This is so strange to me. Thinking that I want to stop drugs is one thing. But now I've created this post and I seem to really be integrating it into my life. I used to always be the kid who could never get too high and would never say no to smoking more. Is this what entering adulthood is like? I always wondered how adults did it. I guess it's just a realization that you have to grow up some day right?

 

[simco]

^^^
Maybe. Though don't underestimate the huge life change that quitting a serious dope habit entails. It can really change your perspective and priorities.

As for the weed and LSD, I think you'll find yourself in good company here. Personally I've found that weed really helps me with both the depression and the cravings for opiates. I'm really keen on trying some psychedelics--I've heard a lot of impressive and believable stories of entheogens helping recovering addicts. Unfortunately, the psych meds I'm on nullify the effects of at least the major members of this drug class.

Anyhow, my point is--sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and some good intuition. Those will get you far!

 

[MrRoot]

You seem to be a smart fellow for your age.

As for your question of when you are ready to quit I would say that you are ready to quit when you realize the problems. It doesn't happen overnight and requires hard mental work.

I am atheist myself and I have heard a lot of those stories about people becoming to a faith and magically creating for an oppurtunity to quit for them. I wish something like that would have happened to me but instead I had to notice the problem and then starting to work towards sober life. It was a long journey and it still ongoing as I am on ORT and apart buprenorphine I don't take anything else than the drugs for my bipolar disorder. I don't even drink alcohol except few glasses a year.

I am not against weed but it doesn't suit me as I get really fucked off by it. One joint makes me more fucked up than for example 20mg Xanax did when I used it. I guess it would be a good idea to think very hard if you actually need weed or LSD either. I am not antidrug and do believe drugs can be and are used in moderation by some but for me it doesn't work. It is just too easy to add more substances if you think that you can use some other substance as it isn't a big leap to take.

Good thing is that you are having serious thoughts about your drug use so young and it helps to moderate your use or even discontinue now instead of being thirties with a fullblown addiction and with a messed social aspects.

Good luck and keep your thoughts coming.