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Transcendence

Transcendence

Transcendence

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Messages
2,505
My son "transcendence" was found unresponsive on the floor of his bedroom early this morning in respiratory arrest. He was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. This webpage was open on his computer screen. It seems no one was able to respond before he did this. I wonder if it would have made a difference.

My son had recently graduated university with a honors degree in the physical sciences. His diploma arrived in the mail yesterday. I cried when I saw it because it was something I had never achieved myself. He had several good job offers already and seemed to be moving forward into his life even while dealing with his mental illnesses.

He was so bright, in a way a place like this could never see. He suffered from anxiety, depersonalization, depression and he just wanted it to go away. Every time he reached out to a psychiatrist or psychologist he would be repeatedly rejected, not taking patients, i can fit you in but not for another 7 months. Well, he finally cured it. No more bad feelings. No anxiety or guilt or frustration.
 
Oh no, dreadful news. I didn't know Transcendence at all really, not sure we've spoken directly where we have crossed threads but I recognise the username as one I come across pretty regularly. As an active member of long standing I'm sure there'll be a fair few who knew him a lot better than I, so thank you for putting the post up to let everyone know. It was really brave of you to do that, today of all days. I can't even begin to imagine how traumatic it must have been for you to find your son like that, or the fear you must have felt waiting for such awful news from the medics. No parent should have to go through that or have to bury a child. Truly must be the single most heart-breaking thing could ever happen to a parent. You and the rest of his family have my most sincere sympathies.

RIP Transcendence
 
I am so deeply sorry for this tragedy. I know that the early days of this will be days of shock and I wish you strength for those days and all the days to come. Your son was loved and that is something never to be taken for granted. Remember that and hold on to that. You gave him life and you gave him love.

Your son's posts here reflect a kind and intelligent young man that suffered from anxiety and was searching for comfort. It is tragic that that search ended his promising life. Comfort is so much harder to find for some of us.<3

If you ever want someone to talk to that has been through this same experience, please do not hesitate to contact me through PM. I hope that you have lots of support for the coming days. Grieving is honoring the enormity of your loss. I am so sorry for all who loved him.<3
 
R.I.P Transcendence, im sure that you will be missed by many.

My deepest condolences and sincerest apologies to all of Transcendence's Family and Friends.
 
Transcendence was a familiar poster in the BL forums. I read his posts when I saw them, and am sorry to know he is gone now.

Condolences <3
 
I'm so sorry.
I hope he's found peace..
and that you're able to, as well..
in time.
<3
 
I'm so sorry. I didn't know Transcendence personally, but he was a long time member of the community, and from what I gather exceptionally bright. He will be missed.
 
holy shit...i'm so sorry for your loss. regarding the circumstances though, it really puts things in perspective, at least to me, that 60mg oxy and 30mg of ambien killed your son. i have taken doses like that before and been fine...this is horrifying and a real eye opener...
 
Thank you all for your sympathies. Since my son's death I've found my self returning to this site from time to time. Knowing that he spent so much time here since he was 16, browsing his post history, it makes me feel closer to him somehow. For a while I tried not to think about my son's drug use because it was such a small part of who he was as a person, I didn't want to identify his memory with his drug abuse problems. I wanted to remember the good times.

But from looking at his posts and the posts of others, I believe this site has a very important mission. I have always believed strongly in harm reduction, even before the death of my son. I truly believe that this site saves lives, and that my son might have even saved a life or two by posting. He was always curious about the natural world. He was incredibly knowledgeable about drugs and their interactions. I've come to realize that this site is a record of his experiences over the past 6 years, a record of his development as a person and a record of his struggles as well as his happiness.

I've logged into his account again to again to share the information I received from his pathologist. According to the autopsy, the level of drugs in his system at the time of his death was not enough cause respiratory arrest. My son suffered from moderately bad asthma throughout his life. Apparently he had a some kind of allergic reaction to one of the drugs (probably Ambien, as I believe it was the first time he tried it and he had previously been prescribed opiate based drugs with no ill effect). The allergic reaction combined with the asthma caused his airways to close, and he probably lost consciousness before he could get help.

Although it doesn't mitigate the pain of losing my boy, at least I know it wasn't suicide or overt carelessness. Before the autopsy results, I couldn't believe he would knowingly take a dose of drugs that could likely kill him, considering how intelligent and knowledgeable he was about these things. It was too painful for me to post here...but now I'm considering continuing to post on this site and try to help people with similar mental health and drug problems in memory of my son and in tribute of the good things he did.
 
^I hope you will continue to post. We are a small but growing tribe here on Bluelight. Connecting our suffering to all suffering is the path to healing.<3
 
i'm sorry to hear this. thanks for sharing the news.

<3
Transcendence said:
but now I'm considering continuing to post on this site and try to help people with similar mental health and drug problems in memory of my son and in tribute of the good things he did.
Click to expand...
i would encourage you to consider do this. thank you.

alasdair
 
Thanks for sharing the pathology report all to often family of the deceased look at us with disgust and blame. Your son was an important part of our community i remember his posts and my small interactions with him where all positive. Goodluck on your journey
 
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