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Tranquility... [critique]

wesmdow

wesmdow

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 13, 2004
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there was an old thread about this poem, but ive changed it SOOO much i thought id just start a new thread.

TRANQUILITY


some look upon the her with lust,
primal, irrational, and selfish, they act on instinct.

they try to rape her...

O, but the Tranquil Dragon is quick, you see, and clever.
ethereal, elusive... illusory: she'll forever evade capture,
belonging to no man.

few escape the vinegar prison.
none leave unscathed.

logic aside//screw that shit.

i still try. i hunt. search.
i sweat, cry, and bleed.
pursuit of the venery alone,
paints the cold grey world warmer hues.

i catch a glimpse;
her silhouette over the sunset
sublime inspiration.

...but shadows off the corner of the eye
do not satiate--feeding my instinct,
begging: keep searching!


I want her.

...but, can anyone conquer the beast?
Click to expand...
 
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Very medieval I guess, no disrespect. I'm no literary historion here. But tranquility, IME, is there all along if you just be still long enough.... no real searching required. In fact the search is what prevents it ironically. Sorry if that's off topic from your piece, I just thought I'd throw in my 2 cent......
 
yea it seems like you misinterpreted it?

to spell it out "tranquility" is a satyrical title to the poem, however now that i just EXPLAINED IT, it loses some fun!
 
honestly your post madeno sense

3 things happened here baily.

1) im getting open eye visuals from rofl... benzos andaderall.
2)youre fucked up and your OP really does make no sense at all.
3) were both fucked upand itll be impossible to qouordinate ANYTHING!
 
HAHAHA!!! oh well so much for commenting on poems. Hey if you have talent and enjoy it, keep at it then, all is worthwhile on some level. Sorry if I make no sense-- my poor little mind should be asleep right now!
 
im not trying to intimidate you!!!
i suck at poetry!

i just didnt (and still dont) get your first post;

however in your defence my monitor is sparkly pink right now =)
 
HA!!! I see what you mean now. You were right on all along; I did miss it. Good poem! Searching and seeking is like a genetically ingrained addiction that can take life time to break- if at all.

Edit: maybe if I had some benzos and adderall right now.... hahaha! alls I got is some restorils and some 5-meo-dmt-- but I think it's a bit late to take that trip right now; such an intense ride would do me no good. Maybe another restoril and off to beddy by for me.
 
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i was so gone.. in fact i still am.

when i can actually READ again, im sure ill have a blast decypherin that.
 
I actually think it made a lot of sense. If you read it a couple times it's constantly describing this fiery female, who cannot be caged, whom you wesmdow, long for? I particularly enjoyed this piece, moreso than your past works, because you developed a solid theme, this fierce, glum mood with little hints of vulnerability. very good stuff... keep workin' on it though. there are some parts that you could make more clear to others, or yourself. i did however, enjoy it in it's raw form
 
^whatcha think now?

...i guess i shouldhave saved the old draft. o well.
 
That's really amazing. The light vs. dark imagery creates such an amazing setting. The content is what really takes me aback. It's an awesome story and you develop it remarkably well. I love how you've left the poem open-ended with the last line too. Honestly, I have nothing negative to say about it. It's dark but passionate... I love it.
 
It is much clearer now. I do like it very much; the flow of it is steady and sharp. nice work ;)
 
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