(Tramadol 200 mg & marijuana) - fairly experienced - I'm ashamed and embarrassed

[vienna]

Today was a pretty lazy day, I was at home alone, waiting for my boyfriend to come over. I took two 50 mg tramadol at around 1:45 or 2. I wasn't feeling much of anything so I took another 2 at 2:30. I wasn't feeling too high, it was more of a natural feeling, that's the only way I can think to describe it. Although I was hyper, wanted to clean everything. I was even hyper while reading, i coulnd't stop bending all the pages back and I wasn't even paying attention to what I was reading. I also drew this pretty cool shit on my bedroom wall in black sharpie.

My boyfriend came over at 6 pm. He lit up a blunt and we were smoking it, and at first i felt nothing. Then I started to get all weird feeling and it felt like I was drunk, but clearer. I was just saying stuff freely that I woulnd't have normally said, I couldnt keep still and I could tell I was annoying my boyfriend because I wasn't kissing him or laying with him. My mom texted me and told me she was about to be home, and I got super paranoid about everything. I was spraying febreeze all over my house and lighting incence and shit. for no reason because i am 18, my mother doesn't care or bothered that I smoke. I ran out the door without even tying my shoes. We went to this pizza place around the corner and I was just saying weird ass shit, and we walked and sat on this bench and i could tell i was annoying him. I was saying stuff I wish i had never said. I was telling him about my past and that my dad was a crack head and that my brother's dad was going to take my mom to court or something. I told him that swim was trappin because her mom didn't have any money... I just wish I never confided anything in him. Weve only been together for a month or so and now he probably thinks i am a crazy bitch thats drawlin and im not, I'm usually chill.

ANyway, when I was going back home i was paranoid as shit and he was SOoo irked and mad at me I think. I was seriously drawin and trippin and I dont know why I acted this way. We were texting and I couldnt stop saying things like, I hate myself.. etc and he said he would text me later which he probably won;t.

i cant control my thoughts and I'm getting all confess-y.... im still a little high right now and i can't help these emotions spilling out.. i hate emotions and i try to not have them mostly. and i cant stop being sad and super fucking paranoid that my boyfriend thinks im crazy and why did I do this? I'm so embarrassed. I wish I never acted that way.

this is awkward like, i cant stop confessing and spilling my feelings and telling everything and i wanna die right now.

never doing this ever again. probably will drop out of school and not come out of my house ever again becasue im ashamed and my boufriend cant unsee or forget how i acted and shit i said,.... I'm just a dickhead and stupid as hell.

 

[bingey]

Hey your bf should be able to deal with that stuff and if he can't he's worthless.


anyway if you want to keep your emotions in check avoid weed and psychedelics. However believe me it's better letting them out up yourself because if you let them build up too long they are going to find their own way out and it's not going to be pretty.

 

[Reverend Random]

I think emotions are wonderful. The fact that they came out at the wrong time can be embarrassing for you, but I suspect that it's something that you have suppressed and had to come out anyway. I think it's absolutely perfectly normal to share your feelings, and if you boyfriend isn't open to that, you deserve someone better who does listen. If he gets mad instead, I think that's just nasty. I can see why you'd be embarrassed but fuck it! BingeBoy's right: feelings like these will come out one way or another and the more you learn to listen to them and respect them, the better you will be as a person.

No need to freak about it, you'll be okay again.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Today was a pretty lazy day, I was at home alone, waiting for my boyfriend to come over. I took two 50 mg tramadol at around 1:45 or 2. I wasn't feeling much of anything so I took another 2 at 2:30. I wasn't feeling too high, it was more of a natural feeling, that's the only way I can think to describe it. Although I was hyper, wanted to clean everything. I was even hyper while reading, i coulnd't stop bending all the pages back and I wasn't even paying attention to what I was reading. I also drew this pretty cool shit on my bedroom wall in black sharpie.

My boyfriend came over at 6 pm. He lit up a blunt and we were smoking it, and at first i felt nothing. Then I started to get all weird feeling and it felt like I was drunk, but clearer. I was just saying stuff freely that I woulnd't have normally said, I couldnt keep still and I could tell I was annoying my boyfriend because I wasn't kissing him or laying with him. My mom texted me and told me she was about to be home, and I got super paranoid about everything. I was spraying febreeze all over my house and lighting incence and shit. for no reason because i am 18, my mother doesn't care or bothered that I smoke. I ran out the door without even tying my shoes. We went to this pizza place around the corner and I was just saying weird ass shit, and we walked and sat on this bench and i could tell i was annoying him. I was saying stuff I wish i had never said. I was telling him about my past and that my dad was a crack head and that my brother's dad was going to take my mom to court or something. I told him that swim was trappin because her mom didn't have any money... I just wish I never confided anything in him. Weve only been together for a month or so and now he probably thinks i am a crazy bitch thats drawlin and im not, I'm usually chill.

ANyway, when I was going back home i was paranoid as shit and he was SOoo irked and mad at me I think. I was seriously drawin and trippin and I dont know why I acted this way. We were texting and I couldnt stop saying things like, I hate myself.. etc and he said he would text me later which he probably won;t.

i cant control my thoughts and I'm getting all confess-y.... im still a little high right now and i can't help these emotions spilling out.. i hate emotions and i try to not have them mostly. and i cant stop being sad and super fucking paranoid that my boyfriend thinks im crazy and why did I do this? I'm so embarrassed. I wish I never acted that way.

this is awkward like, i cant stop confessing and spilling my feelings and telling everything and i wanna die right now.

never doing this ever again. probably will drop out of school and not come out of my house ever again becasue im ashamed and my boufriend cant unsee or forget how i acted and shit i said,.... I'm just a dickhead and stupid as hell.

you're not a dickhead. you are under the influence of a drug that doesn't suit your mind (weed). it sometimes does that to me. you had way too much or you wouldn't be feeling so over aware and stressed.

relax. stop worrying about your boyfriend. so what you weirded out one day! who hasn't done that. he'll be fine and maybe you find being open worries you as you have had to put a lot of your feelings away for a long time

weed for me hugely enhances my emotions until they are overwhelming. thats why its best in very light tiny amounts

 

[The Lone Deranger]

Woooaaahh calm down, experiancing and feeling your emotions is a good thing for sure, it shows you are real, and aware of yourself and your personality, you realy shouldnt be trying to avoid your emotions, because its a normal and regular part of your life and daily living ! so by blocking these things out you may think your ignoring them, and in turn they will go away, but your mind will be storing these experiances and feelings up, and even if you think by dismissing them they will go or vanish, Because they wont they will just keep getting stored untill ..." BANG " .. like you went through, they will blow up and come pouring out in one go which ends up being a strange occurance because you've been bottling so much up that when you cant hold it any longer and you get a bit of everything coming out ! And it seems weird and maybe not making much sense because theres so much of it in one go.

Instead of it being regulated bit by bit, over the day every day, which is normal, and a much easier way to be coping with your feelings, its just blowing the lid off, hey you should embrace your feelings as a person, take notice of your feelings, and express it like express yourself, feel and give love, and if you dont agree with somthing that someone says then say so instead of grinning and bearing it, Just let stuff go bit by bit throughout your day as you experiance things in your daily living, then it wont just collect up and come out in a flash point, all skew wiff, then making you feel stupid because you've had what may seem like an outburst.

Dont feel like a dickhead, and dont say you wanna die or anything like that, feelings and emotions are natural, and an everyday normal part of life.

You should see some of the things ive said and done in the past, at times ive felt like i could of crawled through a mouse hole ! lol, but in the end i just thought it all through and i live by what ive said above, i learnt to accept things and let go of things, so i dont bottle things up myself any more .

Best of luck, and get in touch with your feelings.

Take care .