Jstew318
Greenlighter
Hey everyone...short of it...been an addict in and out of rehab 23 years. Heroin to alcohol, all over the board. Finally got clean and lasted 17 months before my gradual decline. Began with a drink then progressed to pot, meth and benzos...started smoking pot everyday again. But I've always had a difficult time considering this a drug.
I live in a small town, moved here out of sober living. I'm sad that the relationships I built are contingent upon my recovery, not who I am and this upsets me. I understand if being near me is not healthy for an addict. But, I'm not in active, active addiction...it's not the same, but I'm doing more now with psych, therapists, guru's...I miss some of the people though.
I'm alone a lot these days. But it's okay...Do I want to live 100% clean again? I don't know. I miss relationships so now I'm considering another geographical move the the West and see if maybe I can just have a normal life. Normal friends, be a normal person...live my life and stop being in fear. NA in my opinion, made me feel afraid to do anything outside the group. Like it was a force field, well I guess it's one that works...it did...I don't know...ranting now. Thanks!
I live in a small town, moved here out of sober living. I'm sad that the relationships I built are contingent upon my recovery, not who I am and this upsets me. I understand if being near me is not healthy for an addict. But, I'm not in active, active addiction...it's not the same, but I'm doing more now with psych, therapists, guru's...I miss some of the people though.
I'm alone a lot these days. But it's okay...Do I want to live 100% clean again? I don't know. I miss relationships so now I'm considering another geographical move the the West and see if maybe I can just have a normal life. Normal friends, be a normal person...live my life and stop being in fear. NA in my opinion, made me feel afraid to do anything outside the group. Like it was a force field, well I guess it's one that works...it did...I don't know...ranting now. Thanks!