Why Jake can't get clean:
Because if he tells his parents they will cut him off "forever".
Because if he goes to a clinic he has to drop out of school.
Because he gets anxious when he tries to stop and always relapses (well its not a "relapse" till you actually stop first)
Because he's on a million and 1 different drugs at once, and has no idea where to start
Because this list would never end if I actually had the time.
Because telling yourself and telling others you want to stop, doesn't mean you actually can or will.
This is one topic I can say has been beaten to death, buried, resurrected, and killed again countless times.
Jake, why can't you seriously use that logic in your head that I know you have? Is it the dope fogging your brain up? The benzos? Or the dope, sub and benzos all together? Which one is it?
If I did a search on all your posted threads, I would probably find about 25-30 threads based on this same exact topic.
How many more threads do you have left in you?
Not that these threads annoy me, cause they don't. What annoys me is watching you do this to yourself. I have a right to be annoyed by that, and so does EVERY OTHER SINGLE PERSON on this forum.
You keep talking about "other things" that will go wrong if you quit using drugs. But EVERYTHING is going wrong RIGHT NOW already, so really... whats you REAL excuse?
Maybe you accidentally tricked yourself somehow and thinking you wanna quit? Do you know what it feels like to actually WANT SOMETHING anymore? I don't think you do. Its possible you want this, but I think you are so numb to feelings you can even feel desire anymore.
That is a SERIOUS FUCKING PROBLEM.
You will NEVER get yourself into rehab/detox/clinic by YOURSELF.
Someone recommended to see a psychiatrist/psychologist and I will tell you straight up *100%* what EVERY single one of them will say to you right now. They are all trained to say the same exact thing in your situation.
You CAN NOT get yourself clean. You NEED to go to detox.
Not a single doctor will tell you "I think you can get yourself clean" because they know they are just endangering you further.
A doctor MIGHT condone something like that if your life even somewhat resembled you being a functional person.
And the ONLY thing, THE ONLY THING that is still "working" in your life is school. But that is NO EXCUSE for you to keep going on trying by yourself. Your life is NOT "together". In order for you to have any chance of getting yourself clean the rest of your life has to be somewhat in order. Your MIND has to be SOMEWHAT in order.
Your mind is NOT in order.
You are 1 million light years beyond the point where anyone could get themselves clean. And not to mention, but your addiction is getting SO MUCH WORSE.
You went from being on a semi low dose of sub and wanting to taper, to using all your sub, stopping the sub program, starting benzos, abusing benzos, and copping dope again.
Does it seem like things are getting better to you? Seriously? WHY in the world do you still think you can get yourself clean BY YOURSELF?
You don't wanna get high anymore cause if you're going back and forth between dope and sub you're not really getting high, and that doesn't even include what kind of tolerance you have right now.
People who wanna get high try to take breaks inbetween their doses or take a day off just to feel what it feels like to be high. You are ALWAYS trying to take as much as money can possibly afford.
You wanna know what else a psychologist will tell you? (I'm studying to do therapy myself)
That would say that at this point in your life your death instinct is beating your surival instinct. You ARE trying to commit suicide right now.
I don't see your behavoir as anything but.
And please DO NOT get mad at me you are the one who posted this thread, I am your friend, and I am just TELLING YOU the truth.
Your ONLY CHANCE of getting clean in the predicament you are in right now is 2 things.
An involuntary trip to rehab from a drug charge, or an involuntary trip to prison with a drug charge.
OR, your parents find out, drive your ass to rehab, and what you were trying to avoid is GOING TO HAPPEN anyway.
Who in this thread is REALLY going to say and believe "Jake you can do this yourself"? Not a single person on this entire forum. Ok let me reframe that, not a single person on this forum who KNOWS YOU.
You have a 3rd opportunity, which I still feel like is highly unlikely, but thats to voluntarily admit yourself into detox.
But I don't think you could do that unless you told your parents first, and you're not telling your parents "no matter what" so I can about 99% guarantee this story IS NOT going to end pretty.
USE YOUR LOGIC.
Its been OVER A YEAR this has been going on.
A miracle is not going to reveal itself. Don't rely on miracles to get clean cause that just means you wanna die.
You NEED to tell your parents. And if you're not willing to do that, you NEED to start preparing for where your life is about to turn. People think you need to hit "rock bottom"... OMG are you kidding me people?
Is he NOT at rock bottom right now? This is like thread #30 and they keep getting more and more severe by the thread. Hes been in 2 car accidents, lost multiple jobs, and will most likely lose the job he has now cause they are already complaining at work.
Then what? School? You don't think school can go wrong? Try studying in between copping in wds, just because you pulled it off a couple times before doesn't mean thats not gonna get worse too.
Its unfortunate for me to say, that right now you are the poster child for why not to abuse drugs. You might not be getting any better, but every single person who reads your thread prob is. Because you are scaring the living shit out of people with every next thread you make.
Now do you wanna respond to this post and say "yeh I guess.. I don't know"?
OF COURSE YOU DONT because you don't know anything right now. You don't know if you wanna quit, if you wanna use, if you wanna live a life and be a healthy person... or if you wanna die and just leave this world.
You don't know cause your brain is hijacked. GO TO DETOX. There is no other answer to this problem bro I'm sorry. But PLEASE GO TO DETOX.
If you are not going to go to detox, than what are you gonna do? Wait another week and post a thread about how you still can't stop? Do you think thats doing a single functional thing for your life right now?
Im trying to tell you what I think you need to hear the most. And what any psychologist in this world would tell you.
Doing this alone is simply not going to work, this is the 50 millionth time you are hearing this. If you insist on not listening, than theres nothing more we can do for you.
Whats sad is a few threads ago people were begining to explode on you cause they actually care for you. But its already beyond the point where people can get emotional about your situation anymore (at least for those who have been following it). Because our only choice is to be somewhat detached from what we know is going to happen to you.
And if you don't get your ass in detox soon, I'd really prefer not to know what happens.
I'm sorry, but that is 100% the iron clad truth.