Took a scary positive step for my addiction to opiates.

[lozgod]

I am a legitimate pain management patient. Problem is I abuse my script and it lasts me a week or so instead of 28 days. Tonight I let it all be known to a family member that lives in the same apartment complex as me. She has a lock box and is going to give me my meds as prescribed and every month I am going to reduce my dosage by 15mgs. I don't want to say what my prescribed dosage is because info like that can jeopardize your anonymity but it is pretty high. It is higher than what I see people posting as their abuse dosages.

But I finally did it. Gave someone else control of my meds and fessed up to having a problem even though she knew. No one gets the flu 2 or 3 times a month every month and stopped grooming themselves regularly and doing laundry, etc. You know, junkie shit. Told my dealers I am done with dope don't sell it to me. Not that they'd probably listen but anyway did it. Couldn't hurt.

I want my life back. I ain't doing suboxone or methadone. No way am I willing to deal with a WD that drags out for months, mild or not mild. I know opinions vary on the bupe and methadone issue but I've cold turkey detoxed before when I really had a true desire to get clean. I have that desire again. Just going to taper down as low as possible on oxycodone before I leap in to freedom.

 

[swmo]

Good for you! It can sure be tough as I'm sure you're well aware, but can be done. Give it your best & don't get down on yourself if you relapse. Awesome idea that you gave control of your meds to a trusted person. You're gonna make it!

 

[bagochina]

Good idea. It had never worked for me in the past though, whenever I have gave some one pills of mine to ration out to me I knew how to twist their arm to ultimately get what I wanted. It does help but can also do just like everything else does and fuck shit up.

peace.
seedless

 

[lozgod]

Good idea. It had never worked for me in the past though, whenever I have gave some one pills of mine to ration out to me I knew how to twist their arm to ultimately get what I wanted. It does help but can also do just like everything else does and fuck shit up.

peace.
seedless

She won't let me get them out of her. I told her, I may try to manipulate her to get more and broke down addict behavior. She's pretty strong willed and can spot game a mile away. She isn't some girl that is unfamiliar with junkies. Her brother turned me on to heroin and her dad (my uncle) is a lifer for murder. So she's no naive girl. She been around the block and can peep game.

 

[XxMorganBaby13xX]

wow congrats, for real. im also an opiate addict. when it started i didnt have a script for anything, just got it from my dealer and started doin them a whole hell of a lot. my bro always hooked me up and didnt go a day/night without being fxcked up off of hydro's, opahna, oxy's, and ect. i was up to 12-17 hydro 7.5's 500mg. ate them from the time i woke up at 7am to go to school, all day during school (id go to the bathroom every other period, every 40mins-1 hour, to eat/blow 2-3 of them.) after school at home from 2:30-10pm, id be high off my ass. i was spending so much time being high off hydro's and everything else that i wasnt doing any homework, not paying attention in class so i didnt learn anything, mouthing off to teachers and the board, and leaving school in the middle, that i ended up gettin kicked out of my high school. i dont remember the last 3 months i was there because of the pills. eventually shit caught up with me and i got caught with a shit ton of painkillers at my own house by a step-parent. so i ended up going to another district, being made to go to gcasa, bein put on probation, for around 5 months. got sober. and now, after being sober for 7 ish months....im back to drinkin, smokin bud, and doing all kinds of pills (opiates, amphetamines, benzodiazepines, barbiturates), and even the hardcore shit, girl and boy. whatever i can get my hands on or my dealers have, ill do. my old drug of choice was opiates. still love em and would rather get my hands on those because i know them so well. my current fix "DOC" are addies. i used to stay up for 4 days straight without any food. lost 30lbs in 3 weeks, bags under my eyes, chest bones really showing. because i had a script for em. now i dont and its only rare now that i can get opiates or amphetamines. im moody, irritable, depressed, i isolate myself almost 24/7, and blow every cent i have (and dont have) on whatever is available that day.

i know i need to stop and i cant deal with the shitty feelings, pushing away family and friends, and cravings/withdrawl anymore. but also on my mind is that im not as old as everyone else who has addiction to these and i havent reached rock bottom, rock bottom yet. so i keep doing it and dont think i have to stop.

sorry for that long shpeel but i need your advice. should i go till i reach "rock bottom", TRY and attempt to stop myself, or make the decision to go to rehab once and for all (which im afraid of not giving a shit about it and using when i get out) idk what i should do, im at the point where without any drug im ready to die and not caring for school that im absolutely failing this year. i need advice on what to do/how to do it.

please...help me with advice.

thank you. greatly appreciate if you do, and even for reading.

 

[idonteven]

might want to give her all your money too

 

[InsaneJane]

How often do you see her right now? A months supply is probably still kind of a lot, especially to first start giving up control and probably get a little desperate even in anticipation. The security of knowing you at least have your daily dose might be the difference between sticking it out for 1 more day, 1 day at a time, or blowing your 30 day supply on day 3 and then deciding theres no way you can go without anything for 27 days so fuckit you giveup....

Oh but my point was maybe you could double up on your frequency of visits when you first start off?

 

[InsaneJane]

wow congrats, for real. im also an opiate addict. when it started i didnt have a script for anything, just got it from my dealer and started doin them a whole hell of a lot. my bro always hooked me up and didnt go a day/night without being fxcked up off of hydro's, opahna, oxy's, and ect. i was up to 12-17 hydro 7.5's 500mg. ate them from the time i woke up at 7am to go to school, all day during school (id go to the bathroom every other period, every 40mins-1 hour, to eat/blow 2-3 of them.) after school at home from 2:30-10pm, id be high off my ass. i was spending so much time being high off hydro's and everything else that i wasnt doing any homework, not paying attention in class so i didnt learn anything, mouthing off to teachers and the board, and leaving school in the middle, that i ended up gettin kicked out of my high school. i dont remember the last 3 months i was there because of the pills. eventually shit caught up with me and i got caught with a shit ton of painkillers at my own house by a step-parent. so i ended up going to another district, being made to go to gcasa, bein put on probation, for around 5 months. got sober. and now, after being sober for 7 ish months....im back to drinkin, smokin bud, and doing all kinds of pills (opiates, amphetamines, benzodiazepines, barbiturates), and even the hardcore shit, girl and boy. whatever i can get my hands on or my dealers have, ill do. my old drug of choice was opiates. still love em and would rather get my hands on those because i know them so well. my current fix "DOC" are addies. i used to stay up for 4 days straight without any food. lost 30lbs in 3 weeks, bags under my eyes, chest bones really showing. because i had a script for em. now i dont and its only rare now that i can get opiates or amphetamines. im moody, irritable, depressed, i isolate myself almost 24/7, and blow every cent i have (and dont have) on whatever is available that day.

i know i need to stop and i cant deal with the shitty feelings, pushing away family and friends, and cravings/withdrawl anymore. but also on my mind is that im not as old as everyone else who has addiction to these and i havent reached rock bottom, rock bottom yet. so i keep doing it and dont think i have to stop.

sorry for that long shpeel but i need your advice. should i go till i reach "rock bottom", TRY and attempt to stop myself, or make the decision to go to rehab once and for all (which im afraid of not giving a shit about it and using when i get out) idk what i should do, im at the point where without any drug im ready to die and not caring for school that im absolutely failing this year. i need advice on what to do/how to do it.

please...help me with advice.

thank you. greatly appreciate if you do, and even for reading.

Kinda sounds like rock bottom to me? The myth about rock bottom is that its one life changing event where you have some sort of fantastical epiphany about how you love life and want to do good for mankind and crap

The truth is, there are several rocks. Not unlimited, but enough that it can make for a bumpy ride to no where.

Um, what to do and how....no frikkin clue cuz I dedicated my life to rock collecting. Ha.

 

[lozgod]

How often do you see her right now? A months supply is probably still kind of a lot, especially to first start giving up control and probably get a little desperate even in anticipation. The security of knowing you at least have your daily dose might be the difference between sticking it out for 1 more day, 1 day at a time, or blowing your 30 day supply on day 3 and then deciding theres no way you can go without anything for 27 days so fuckit you giveup....

Oh but my point was maybe you could double up on your frequency of visits when you first start off?

I have no idea what you are asking me. I get a 28 day supply. I gave it to her to give to me on a daily basis. Each month that dose will get lower by 15mgs a day.

 

[lozgod]

wow congrats, for real. im also an opiate addict. when it started i didnt have a script for anything, just got it from my dealer and started doin them a whole hell of a lot. my bro always hooked me up and didnt go a day/night without being fxcked up off of hydro's, opahna, oxy's, and ect. i was up to 12-17 hydro 7.5's 500mg. ate them from the time i woke up at 7am to go to school, all day during school (id go to the bathroom every other period, every 40mins-1 hour, to eat/blow 2-3 of them.) after school at home from 2:30-10pm, id be high off my ass. i was spending so much time being high off hydro's and everything else that i wasnt doing any homework, not paying attention in class so i didnt learn anything, mouthing off to teachers and the board, and leaving school in the middle, that i ended up gettin kicked out of my high school. i dont remember the last 3 months i was there because of the pills. eventually shit caught up with me and i got caught with a shit ton of painkillers at my own house by a step-parent. so i ended up going to another district, being made to go to gcasa, bein put on probation, for around 5 months. got sober. and now, after being sober for 7 ish months....im back to drinkin, smokin bud, and doing all kinds of pills (opiates, amphetamines, benzodiazepines, barbiturates), and even the hardcore shit, girl and boy. whatever i can get my hands on or my dealers have, ill do. my old drug of choice was opiates. still love em and would rather get my hands on those because i know them so well. my current fix "DOC" are addies. i used to stay up for 4 days straight without any food. lost 30lbs in 3 weeks, bags under my eyes, chest bones really showing. because i had a script for em. now i dont and its only rare now that i can get opiates or amphetamines. im moody, irritable, depressed, i isolate myself almost 24/7, and blow every cent i have (and dont have) on whatever is available that day.

i know i need to stop and i cant deal with the shitty feelings, pushing away family and friends, and cravings/withdrawl anymore. but also on my mind is that im not as old as everyone else who has addiction to these and i havent reached rock bottom, rock bottom yet. so i keep doing it and dont think i have to stop.

sorry for that long shpeel but i need your advice. should i go till i reach "rock bottom", TRY and attempt to stop myself, or make the decision to go to rehab once and for all (which im afraid of not giving a shit about it and using when i get out) idk what i should do, im at the point where without any drug im ready to die and not caring for school that im absolutely failing this year. i need advice on what to do/how to do it.

please...help me with advice.

thank you. greatly appreciate if you do, and even for reading.

It's courtesy to start your own thread rather than hijack someone elses but in your situation I would highly recommend seeking out a rehab.