I think maybe all the problems of man don't mean much compared to this small thing. I can't stop thinking that maybe I should stop thinking about you, and it's driving me mad. At least you don't seem to mind, and that's some comfort. I'm back to the old routine - school, work, and still reading a novel a day. It gives my mind less free time, less thinking time. Unplanned thinking time, anyhow.
It's not the thinking about you that gets me. That's the part that I like so much. From the day I met you, thinking about you was almost a relief from the mundaneness of my days. The things you say, they're not like much that other people discuss, which is why they draw me to you. Why I give the things you say more weight than most other information I'm faced with. And even without any words from you, there's something about you that I want near me. I don't know exactly what. Not yet. No, it's not the thinking about you that has me worried.
It's that I can't stop thinking about you that I don't like. I've tried it - just to see if I could of course, not really any other reason - and it doesn't work out quite right. You seem to creep back into focus when I'm not expecting it, and it throws me. I've caught myself wandering in lectures, fading out at work, all very disconcerting things. (Of course, I only half listen in lectures anyway, and fading away at work is a blessing.) So here I sit, thinking again. I don't know why I'm writing this. It doesn't rhyme, isn't pretty, and there's really no statement being made here. But maybe, just maybe, if I give in and focus on this, I can figure it all out.
But then I'm tired. And again, I like thinking about you. So I'll just keep going like I have been, only a bit more distant when people try to look me in the eye or talk to me at length. Because the things you say, they are still so much more interesting than what anyone else has to offer. And just because you're far away, doesn't mean I can't think, right? Only I miss you when I think about you, so I wish you'd hurry up and not be far away anymore. Maybe I could finish a thought without you near it. And maybe, after all, that would be the greatest tragedy.
See you soon.
[ 06 October 2002: Message edited by: Dagny ]
It's not the thinking about you that gets me. That's the part that I like so much. From the day I met you, thinking about you was almost a relief from the mundaneness of my days. The things you say, they're not like much that other people discuss, which is why they draw me to you. Why I give the things you say more weight than most other information I'm faced with. And even without any words from you, there's something about you that I want near me. I don't know exactly what. Not yet. No, it's not the thinking about you that has me worried.
It's that I can't stop thinking about you that I don't like. I've tried it - just to see if I could of course, not really any other reason - and it doesn't work out quite right. You seem to creep back into focus when I'm not expecting it, and it throws me. I've caught myself wandering in lectures, fading out at work, all very disconcerting things. (Of course, I only half listen in lectures anyway, and fading away at work is a blessing.) So here I sit, thinking again. I don't know why I'm writing this. It doesn't rhyme, isn't pretty, and there's really no statement being made here. But maybe, just maybe, if I give in and focus on this, I can figure it all out.
But then I'm tired. And again, I like thinking about you. So I'll just keep going like I have been, only a bit more distant when people try to look me in the eye or talk to me at length. Because the things you say, they are still so much more interesting than what anyone else has to offer. And just because you're far away, doesn't mean I can't think, right? Only I miss you when I think about you, so I wish you'd hurry up and not be far away anymore. Maybe I could finish a thought without you near it. And maybe, after all, that would be the greatest tragedy.
See you soon.
[ 06 October 2002: Message edited by: Dagny ]
