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too many problems.

B

beeks18

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
16
Location
manchester, UK
Hi guys,
I'm new to all of this.
I have a few things to write out, so here goes.

1. I have just got off a ketamine addiction that lasted from summer 2010 to september 2011 and I decided that I wanted to sniff a bit again but I ended up accidently buying MXE and I think I have now become addicted to it.

2. I also don't know what is the matter with me, I am very paranoid about how people think about me and I am paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me. I am also paranoid that he will break up with me if he really knew that I took MXE at a gig, where I ended up collapsing and being taken to hospital, I told him I had my drink spiked. He knows someone who has died from taking MXE or some kind of amphetamine... I don't know whether he is lying I'm not sure.

3. After this gig, they didn't search my bag well enough to realise that I had a big gram of MXE and I have been sniffing it since I have got out of hospital.

4. I am so in love with my boyfriend and I have known him for two years and we have been together officially for 3 months, but I have just ended it because I got paranoid about some girl he added on facebook, his behaviour and the way he has been communicating with me is making me think he is cheating... He swears that he isn't and he probably isn't, this girl is also a lesbian...

wow... Even typing all this out is making me panic...
So I'm going to leave it for people to evaluate...
*AND BREATHE*
 
I have now calmed down a bit, but also I would like to put it out there that I am adopted and I have a brother who is also adopted, we are not blood related, we have different birth parents. My boyfriend(who is very popular where I live and he also takes drugs) was in my brothers year and my brother used to tell people stories that he had put a hole in the wall and watched me shower (this never happened, there is no whole in the wall and it might just be my boyfriend making up these rumours)
There is a memory also in my life (I am currently on the drug MXE, so I apologise if this is all really hard to follow my grammar isn't normally this bad...)
But I have these memories of when I was a child and I was at a cottage where we used to go to on family holidays and I remember my brother asking me whether I wanted to play boyfriend and girlfriend.. But that's all I can remember.
Also there's a memory of me when I was young, I was wearing a green t shirt and my brother was in the lounge doing something and he said again lets play boyfriend and girlfriend, but I remember saying "no i've got to go to work" and I remember the curtains being closed, but then my parents came back and looked in. I don't remember much else after that.
I have also given myself a bit of a reputation I have slept with a lot of men, my boyfriends best friends being some of them, but I have these deep feelings for my boyfriend, but he constantly asks me "does your brother watch you in the shower" "does he hude in your wardrobe and watch you get changed".
I don't know whether the fact that I was a slag and slept about was because of sexual abuse and now I don't know what to do about my boyfriend.
 
I can see you're from Manchester, and I am as well.

I've bought some MXE in manc lately, and I had the same sort of paranoia, just ride it out, it didn't help that I combined it with weed and mdma.

Personally I don't like the disassociated feeling of the drug, don't want to be a parent here, but I recommend you put it down if it's making you feel like this. As to your bf, when you've come down, and you're both in a relaxed atmosphere I recommend you ease him into understanding that these rumours are untrue and that you're no longer a slag, cos it sounds like you do love him and console in him.

I know what it's like to be jealous cos my missus is down south. It seems to me like you two need to talk it over. And get off the MXE, I've heard it's a rhino tranq
 
Ha. I started thinking that I was going to get kicked off this because I thought it was an American website.
But it's really cool to know that there's someone else near by that takes MXE, if you get me.
I really didn't know that it was such a big deal round here.
I'm thinking of going to a drug team called Mosiac? I don't know whether you have heard of it?
I'm also worried I'll lose my boyfriend.. But now I'm thinking whether my boyfriend can handle all of this, I really don't want to lose him, because I changed myself not only for me but for him.
 
Aside from a good bit of the readership, Bluelight is definitely not an American website.

beeks, what made you decide to continue using the substance that put you in the hospital? I would think that a hospital visit would scare just about anyone off of continued use.
 
noregrets2011 said:
And get off the MXE, I've heard it's a rhino tranq
Click to expand...
Hi noregrets, I appreciate your concern and support to beeks, but I simply must clear something up. One of the main reasons Bluelight even exists is try and provide accurate drug information to people, so that we can all make educated choices about our drug use. So when I see someone post that kind of hear-say type of drug rumours I simply must interject.
MXE is not a rhinoceros tranquiliser. MXE is a derivative of ketamine (which, as we all know IS a veterinary tranquiliser) and it therefore has similar dissociative effects. But MXE is not used as a tranquiliser for any animal species, and even if it was, it wouldn't be only used in ONE species, but many different species (just like ketamine is). Sorry if I sound like I'm just nitpicking, but just think about these types of drug rumours that you hear, before spreading them :)


beeks, nevertheless, noregrets made a very good point: you should really lay off the MXE. It's not doing you any good and it appears that you're suffering with a lot of paranoia, probably directly as a result of your drug use. Paranoia is NOT fun so you should try and do what you can to minimise that nasty side effect. I know you're also concerned about losing your boyfriend but, honestly hun, you're much more likely to lose him if you continue using these substances that are making you feel paranoid.

This drug group that you mentioned, Mosaic, is that like a drug rehab group?
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hi noregrets, I appreciate your concern and support to beeks, but I simply must clear something up. One of the main reasons Bluelight even exists is try and provide accurate drug information to people, so that we can all make educated choices about our drug use. So when I see someone post that kind of hear-say type of drug rumours I simply must interject.
MXE is not a rhinoceros tranquiliser. MXE is a derivative of ketamine (which, as we all know IS a veterinary tranquiliser) and it therefore has similar dissociative effects. But MXE is not used as a tranquiliser for any animal species, and even if it was, it wouldn't be only used in ONE species, but many different species (just like ketamine is). Sorry if I sound like I'm just nitpicking, but just think about these types of drug rumours that you hear, before spreading them :)
Click to expand...

Sorry, didn't mean to spread it as a rumour - was just relaying what I had heard about it, to be honest I never really looked into what it actually was when I was taking it because I was already chewing my gums off.

And beeks, I haven't heard of mosaic, to be honest I'm only an occasional drug taker, even though I love the feeling of some things, I always force myself to take breaks between dosing so I've never really looked into support groups. However, if you feel it's right for you to go then you shouldn't pass up the oppurtunity.
 
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to all this, been revising a lot for college :P

@ no3phy7e I think you are completely right about not taking MXE and I really wish I could say that I'm not going to do it again, but this week, I really want to do it again and that's probably the start to the addiction. I'm finding it ridiculously hard to resist the urge and I'm even considering going out tonight and buying some, even tough I have lost my phone and all the contacts. :/ So this is a bit of a headfuck.
As for the boyfriend situation, we are having a lot of difficulties at the moment which we are on the way to sorting out and I don't want this to be another issue for him, so I might leave it for a bit until I get it sorted and keep it on the downlow and when I'm feeling paranoid I will talk to a parent or come on here and post something on here. I just really don't know what to do to be honest.
&&
Mosiac is a drug councilling group in my town, I think it's kind of a rehabillitation thing, but not like the ones where you have to live there until you feel better, if you know what a mean? :)

@ doomed2pain Mosiac is a stockport based drug councilling service, I clicked on the link but it didn't work. I will try and find a link for you now
 
Beeks, Im wondering if you would be willing to take a gamble? Maybe you should consider talking to your BF and coming clean about your habits and whats going on. Instead of worrying yourself to death over this, that can take a toll on your mental health, not something most want to go down. But I also know thats a lot easier said than done, hence why I use the term gamble. Though, if your BF really cares for you I dont think this would create as big an issue as you would think, he might be concerned for you which could be a very good thing for you. It would also help him understand whats really going on. You dont have to tell him everything, just what you are comfortable with. Like you've been taking this drug, and what your concerns are as far as him sleeping around, the issues with your brother, and why you are so worried and upset over all of this. I'm not going to say get off this drug etc etc. Maybe you and your bf could help moderate it a bit though, it would seem like it would be a great help to you if you could get some of this stuff off of your chest with him, and you guys can start building a healthier relationship from this point onward. Honesty goes a long way as far as relationships are concerned. I would test the waters with some questions first though just to see how he will respond to the situation before you pour your soul out to him.
 
I think mosaic could really help you beeks, our towns one has full housing rehab that has 3 stages but also a section for people that need help but not to that full extent. I don't know if mosaic's counsellors are ex addicts but some of them are at the one I know. The issues with your boyfriend won't be helping your cravings for drug use and vice versa so I do hope you manage to go through your issues together and come to some sort of answer.

But yes, I'd definitely look into tackling both problems, mosaic with probably be able to help you through your relationship troubles too. Never be afraid of asking for support when you need it, it's not weak, it's actually very, very strong, the fact that you've acknowledged it shows you're a strong girl.

Best of luck to you, and use this place to support you, there are some extremely intelligent people on here.
 
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