too be

[Shuddr2Think]

sometimes,
early in the morning
when no one else is around
i pretend i am happy
that i have everything i want
and all that i need is
at my disposal.
-that you aren't gone-
it seems as if
the light has a way of playing tricks on my eyes
and the sidewalks become a little safer
the alleys a little less dark
and the real world
-the one without you in it-
a little less scary.
sometimes i wish i could breathe you in
or just the thought of you
and exhale happy and unaffected
.
you wouldn't even know,
and my day wouldn't even be changed by
my selfish reactions
to your childish actions.
but night comes again
i realize the cracks in the walls
the paint is discolored
and you aren't around anymore
your head full of holes
leaking common sense
and losing whatever it was that made me
happy.
and i still have no sense of
what it is
that i am reaching for
or who you are anymore.
but i hold on
i have faith
and regret enough to fill
a thousand pages with
tiny words for such a
huge part of my life
and even in my madness
and when i look past the regret
there will always be the boy
who used to write me letters
who held me when i was upset
and who -for a shining moment-
was my world.
i hope for you
the best possible outcome,
whatever that may be
and i wish that sometime soon
you become less than just some
ghost in my room
keeping me awake at night,
and following me thru the streets
with the sunlight in your hair
and a smile on your face
this is how you shall remain.

 

[goodnitestar]

Very beautiful , and sadd , heartbreak is such a bitch isnt it?
it makes me insane to think that life has to be this way for almost every one ! why cant things be simple! well they cant , so this is what we deal with !
it will be a extra gleam in your smile someday to make you stronger and more beautiful ,, with all the heartbreak there is , every time our hearts break they open up so we can recieve the wisdom , and once our hearts heal they are twice as full of love and joy!
peace...

 

[Furnace]

and even in my madness
and when i look past the regret
there will always be the boy
who used to write me letters
who held me when i was upset
and who -for a shining moment-
was my world.
*sigh*
Much love, Katie.