for me hppd is like static in my vision ,especially in the dark , its like when a tv is out of tune when you see the little tiny dots fluttering, also i get alot of after images , like if i look at something bright and then i keep on blinking i see it.
reading the last few posts has made me abit sad, because i remember what i use to be like also before all this happened, i really didn't give a fuck about anything and just before it happened my life was basically perfect, now my life consumes of everyday waking up and going to work with this nightmare, i find everyday a struggle.
Today it amazed me how i was having a conversation with someone with my derealization full on , which made everything look weird when i was looking at him and i was thinking as he was talking " he doesn't even know anything is wrong with me , he is looking at me having a full on conversation and seems to think that im just perfectly normal" to be honest sometimes when im having a conversation i feel like im not even there , that im observing what is happening instead of participating in it.
I look at people at work and they don't realise how lucky they have it , to be normal , which i once thought was just the normal way to feel, i never knew these feelings existed, i never knew i could even get into this state of mind or consciousness. I look back on before i had this and i realise how lucky i really had it , im quite a well off boy to be honest , i come from a good family , have been brought up with a silver spoon in my mouth basically as we say in britain (everything on a plate). And i just sometimes get disappointed with myself for doing drugs, i know i knew nothing about all this but it just saddens me to think i could of avoided all this, im in my best years of my life and im having to deal with this shit when i should be out there having the most fun i could have.
Guess i just got to look positive and just give it time ....best of luck to you guys....
