and i'm fucking kicking myself for it....what a fucking twat i am.....
fuck, fuck shit arse cunt fuck wit bastard FUCK FUUUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!
SHIT
shit
oh what to do
no taking it back now.....just blurted it out there....i guess the modafinil and the 4 x phenibut gave me a loose mouth and i blabbed like a drunkard.....i should have had the inner voice of sense chirp in to remind me how phenibut effects are similar to that of alchohol......so i just take another 4 and this time remind myself that phenibuts effects are similar to that of alchohol so that when the kids dad does get back from taking our daughter out to tesco i shall tell myself to SHUT THE FUCK UP and say no more
even my son told me i shouldn't have said that....he said that his dad had been harping on how i always take drugs and have boys over when they are away....errrr....excuse me???....come on!!!....without showering??.....yes i did comb my hair yesterday and wrapped it back up in silk and tucked it into my cap that i keep virtually nailed to my head as i even sleep in it (i've found that this way, my hair doesn't get too tangled....my hair has not been cut for over 20 years so comes down past my knees)<<<<<<wtf?1! irrelevant crap...but true
....arrranyway.....oh and apparently he thinks i'm still going to marry the crazy psycho stranger i met online last year as he keeps talking about him....yeah...i was engaged...yeah right!!!...omg...that's another WTF moment....WTF was i thinking and / or doing....thankfully he was stupid enough to put 6 months down for his length of stay here in the UK having never left the states before so got stopped and held at the airport....at the time i was devastated but got over it pretty quickly when he continued face-timing me and telling me he was Lucifer....yeah...that was a crazy BPD impulse moment.....and yes, another reason why i quit drinking....OMG i really thought i was gonna marry this nutter....but hey....who am i to talk with the shit hole house....except it is tidy atm....yes still tidy wow
so yeah....oh dear....
Katniss cleans herself and looks at me as if to say 'was i mistake mommy'? ...no dear darling kitty....you are my spirit animal and yes you may have been purchased under the influence of alchohol but you and i were / are meant to be.....
dumm de dumm...i am sooooo dum fucking stupid oh dear...kids dad is gonna be a pissed up prick tonight....he's invited himself to stay till monday as our son has a load of homework to do and he's not doing it...he didn't take it with him to his dads to do....and he's still not making a start....and i can see monday morning coming and him trying to pull a day off school for the fact that he hasn't done his homework and he's too scared to face the consequences and he knows his Mum is a bit of an easy target right now as well.....i'm a bit fucking mental and i call people cunts....well....actually i haven't done that for a bit but i did tell the therapist to go to weight watchers to make a point....ha...i take it all back that i'm not stewing on that session....course i'm fucking stewing....it's something i can't stop mentionning....its taken over the dissapearance of Lionel
oh dear oh dear oh dear
oh thank goodness for this blog.....i gotta say....this blog is very therapeutic......i'd reccomend blogging to anyone...it helps.....just don't harp on as much as i do
i harp on and on i score 0 points....i tell kids dad about me taking DMT during the time the kids spent up at his in a quest for spiritual enlightenment (in a FAILED attempt) i score 0 points......i roast my cat in the oven i get disowned by my kids and never EVER forgive myself but score 4 points...not that high due to animal cruelty and i can barely allow myself to even type about that let alone THINK it
its a 0 point day
ZERO
minus 20 for saying those AWFUL things about my cat
i turn oven on
i put myself in oven and close the door
i go back to zero
its getting hot
i go up to 5 points
WHAT THE BLEEDING FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT
phenibut eh
