Today

So i am feel pretty guilty about relapsing but then again i needed it sort of if that makes sense.....

I was trying to keep my spirits up as im a generally happy person but fuck. W/d had turned me in a crazed nut. I swear my emotion have. Been on predictable I feel like jumping out of my skin sometimes.

I think im handlin this pretty fckn well actually.

I watch comedian stand up and talk to people as much as possible to keep myself smiling because i feel like since i stopped using its getting harder n harder to continue to just smile or laugh. Everyting feels heavy on my shoulders and these new emotions are hard to handle suc as guilt anxiety lonliness bordem.....

 

As a fellow drug user, I unfortunately got dealt a shitty hand from the beggining of life, along with the other 10% of the population, and can't consistently control drug use. I know that to have a completely happy, but more so CONSISTENT and successful life, I will have to give up any type of drug lifestyle. Judging from your post, you also don't have control. Don't feel so guilty about relapsing..You probably have heard it before but it is literally a part of a attic's life whenever that attic chooses to live the sober life. I take interest in your "guilty" feeling and would like to close on some information regarding that sort of emotion. As you know, Drugs change how you act, feel, think and percieve while intoxicated.Also as you probably know, how you act, feel, think and perceive, all make "who you are" known as personality. Keeping this logic in mind, ask yourself how it would affect people of our nature, addicts. Your w/d(fiending), for example, is a negative and severely confused reaction as there is many different "voices(id)" trying to convince you that their way is the right choice. trouble here, is as long as multiple identities are present, they each will naturally compete to stand out more than the other because people are only suppost to have 1 identity because your sense of ID consists of your beliefs, morals, values and goals Were labeled as 10% of the pop. that simply can't control;all or nothing but weak control is merely a symptom of a internal conflict, for which I believe is the most widely unknown mental disorder that stems from early childhood and blossoms from poor parenting, LOSS OF IDENTITY. 10% OF ALL PEOPLE ARE/WILL DEVELOP ADDICTION DUE TO BRAIN CHEMISTRY;FALSE- ---10% OF ALL PEOPLE ARE/WILL DEVELOP ADDICTION DUE TO A LACK OF IDENTITY DURING FIRST INITIAL USE

 

Greatest thing about being an adult is, you can do something stupid and you don't have to answer to anybody.

Nothing wrong with wanting to stay clean, but don't feel bad about it if it;s a struggle. Cause it's your struggle, youre living with it; not someone else. We're all stuck here together, everyone with their own shit. But its your struggle that defines your life and who you are. If you made every right choice, did everything the right way, life would be boring and you'd learn nothing, Who wants to hear a story where nothing interesting, or crazy, or dangerous happens.

Having said all that, I give you my best wishes.

 

Thank both of you do much because right now I'm actually getting clean again and I'm going through that identity thing and it's been really hard. I guess It was just supposed to happen this way because Dissasosiative freak wrote that moths ago but right now it's exactly what I needed to hear to get me to understand and I know it's going to be alright with time..