• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Positive Today I'm Thankful For vs. Still Standing and Keeping it Simple

hylite said:
I hope that you keep staying strong and feel better too.

I am sorry that you are going through so much difficulty.

You have your babies and let them keep you strong always. Always. <3
Click to expand...
It's just a part of my life (that's all happened in less than 4 months btw) when me and the one that we lost the love we had split up I finally ended up getting with a girl I was in love with for 6 years who had always told me she loved me but was too hung up on an ex be with me. Her son had bad abandonment issues due to his real father so when I got with her I immediately stepped up and treated him like he was one of mine. Than she got jealous over a truly innocent thing and started messaging her ex over it. So we split up because I can't mentally or emotionally play games like that anymore. She moved out but her son is near living here because he doesn't want to go with her most the time because he has grown attached to me. (Makes me sad anytime he doesn't wanna leave :( ) so in 4 months 1 daughter had a mom kill herself over a breakup with some guy. I gained a new son who's 4 years old that I absolutely love to death now, my other daughter and son had their whole family dynamic tore apart and their mommy now rarely has them more than 2 or 3 days before they end up back with me for 2 or 3 weeks. I'm trying to keep my chin up and keep moving forward and i am managing to stay working and making sure my kids are all happy and well taken care of but mentally and emotionally every single day is an absolute battle.
 
SiriuslyLost said:
It's just a part of my life (that's all happened in less than 4 months btw) when me and the one that we lost the love we had split up I finally ended up getting with a girl I was in love with for 6 years who had always told me she loved me but was too hung up on an ex be with me. Her son had bad abandonment issues due to his real father so when I got with her I immediately stepped up and treated him like he was one of mine. Than she got jealous over a truly innocent thing and started messaging her ex over it. So we split up because I can't mentally or emotionally play games like that anymore. She moved out but her son is near living here because he doesn't want to go with her most the time because he has grown attached to me. (Makes me sad anytime he doesn't wanna leave :( ) so in 4 months 1 daughter had a mom kill herself over a breakup with some guy. I gained a new son who's 4 years old that I absolutely love to death now, my other daughter and son had their whole family dynamic tore apart and their mommy now rarely has them more than 2 or 3 days before they end up back with me for 2 or 3 weeks. I'm trying to keep my chin up and keep moving forward and i am managing to stay working and making sure my kids are all happy and well taken care of but mentally and emotionally every single day is an absolute battle.
Click to expand...
You should never regret going after what
makes your heart happy, even if it has
ended in hurt. Instead you should feel
so beyond proud of yourself for being brave
enough to feel to chase what makes you feel
alive.
There are some people out there who are
too afraid to chase their dreams who admire
that strength in you.
You should always be proud of yourself for
knowing what you want and taking steps to
obtain it.
So I hope you never regret anything that
becomes such an important part of your
journey, of finding happiness, and discovering
who you are as a person !!
 
hylite said:
You should never regret going after what
makes your heart happy, even if it has
ended in hurt. Instead you should feel
so beyond proud of yourself for being brave
enough to feel to chase what makes you feel
alive.
There are some people out there who are
too afraid to chase their dreams who admire
that strength in you.
You should always be proud of yourself for
knowing what you want and taking steps to
obtain it.
So I hope you never regret anything that
becomes such an important part of your
journey, of finding happiness, and discovering
who you are as a person !!
Click to expand...
I realistically knew it probably was going to go the way it did but I figured I'd never know if I didn't try. But knowing I'm alone with 4 kids pretty much steadily has helped me not break down due to my fear of being alone. But having absolutely no one i can talk to that I trust and can lean on for emotional and mental support rn makes nights when the kiddos are laid down real rough... just me and my thoughts. Especially since I'm not dwelling on any specific issue is more the fact I've got mental health problems that make me see and hear and think things that I know aren't real or true. But they still take their toll when it's only them around... (sorry if this is disjointed I only let myself use occasionally when I need that mental and emotional disconnect and I don't ever do more than a small bump or line a day when I do. By this time in the day I'm crashing out pretty bad )
 
Realistically my youngest son is my anchor he's the only one that j was there during the whole pregnancy and during labor (2 step 2 blood) so he has helped me keep my feet firmly on the ground and make sure I focus on our little family. Rn he is 1 so is still a whole full time job alone 😅 especially when he decides he has to wiggle down and try to climb everything
 
SiriuslyLost said:
I realistically knew it probably was going to go the way it did but I figured I'd never know if I didn't try. But knowing I'm alone with 4 kids pretty much steadily has helped me not break down due to my fear of being alone. But having absolutely no one i can talk to that I trust and can lean on for emotional and mental support rn makes nights when the kiddos are laid down real rough... just me and my thoughts. Especially since I'm not dwelling on any specific issue is more the fact I've got mental health problems that make me see and hear and think things that I know aren't real or true. But they still take their toll when it's only them around... (sorry if this is disjointed I only let myself use occasionally when I need that mental and emotional disconnect and I don't ever do more than a small bump or line a day when I do. By this time in the day I'm crashing out pretty bad )
Click to expand...
That's what it's for. You seem like you will do just find.

And thank you for sharing your heart.

It is very very important to do this at times.

And it's times like these . . . . we do need to share !! <3 :)
 
hylite said:
That's what it's for. You seem like you will do just find.

And thank you for sharing your heart.

It is very very important to do this at times.

And it's times like these . . . . we do need to share !! <3 :)
Click to expand...
I needed to let it out somewhere and where better than here on bluelight surrounded by those who I know will atleast partially get it. I know it'll get better and that it won't be like this forever but this is the first time in like 8 years i've really truly been in a situation where I've had no one to help me stay standing strong and who holds me when I can't be ya know? It's a very scary thing when I know I have a lot of mental health issues and 4 people who absolutely love and need me. I am so afraid of disappointing my kids and not being able to give them everything they want and need. I want them tk grow up better than I did and it's a hard battle when u spent 4 years on drugs heavily, in and ought jail, didn't finish high-school, got a dui so can't get my license back till I jump thru 100 expensive hoops. I'll never stop taking one step at a time. But the emotional and mental impact of any setback is hard to handle alone
 
To anyone reading the Rollercoaster of a story I have slowly posted above and feels even vaguely like they can relate or are in a position similar.. remember, one step at a time. As long as you are trying to better yourself even if it's slow going. You're doing good. Don't give up.
 
hylite said:
Oh it most definitely is !! ❤️ ❤️ 🕊️
Click to expand...
But I will do my best and eventually get through this and hopefully it leads to a better future. Probably never gonna be a fully sober future but I can safely say my usage is about as safe as it gets with the fact my doc is meth 🤣🤣. I make sure it absolutely never affects anything in my life now. Sometim3s the little things in life are what give you purpose and I have 4 little kids in my life that have kept me on a good path that doesn't lead to me fucking up.

Edit: I had totally considered earlier making a post in this subforum with this stuff earlier and I said nah I don't wanna type or advertise all that. Than did it anyway instead inside a post inside the subforum instead 😅
 
Haloween eve

Dance Skeleton GIF
 
Last edited:
Thankful for being able to read beside an amazing turf fire, a bramble in hand and someone I really appreciate spending time with me. Simply bliss and it’s been so long since I’ve felt so content and cared for.
 
Pizza morphine cannabis and beer. After being in the psych ward i will never take having access to drugs for granted ever again lol
 
Last edited:
Having respect for myself and awareness of this and awareness of how some people treat me... and of the impact it has on my mental health, the progress I'm making in psychology, I don't hold myself in condemnation anymore or at least working on it, my Buddhist centre and the people there and meditation, my real friends, not feeling so lonely/dependant, bluelight so I can get stuff off my chest haha.....our beautiful planet - universe etc, everyone of you guys, my house, heating, essentials, family and dogs, music, health, will to live, excitement about the future, like becoming an aunty for the first time ever! So excited to meet my wee niece or nephew 🥰
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top