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Today I am thankful for...

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Today I am thankful I have a nice home with air conditioning. It's one hot mutha out today! I'm also thankful to have my health and hope my boo gets to feeling better today as he is ill :(
 
I'm thankful for the amount of time and energy my father spends on me. I'd like to think that in some ways it helps him out too.
 
I am thankful for a kind partner who helps me all the time and my one constant friend.

I am also thankful to my son, who gave me flowers he picked today. They smelled lovely.
 
I'm thankful for having woken up today and not been horribly depressed, at least for a little while.

I'm also thankful that I haven't had a drink yet today.

I'm not thankful that niether of these things will last through the end of the day probably. :(
 
On Father's Day, I would be remiss if I hadn't said my father. (though I think I mentioned him in my previous post, but what's wrong with a little bit of extra love?)
 
I am thankful for:
*my husband who loves me unconditionally, respects me, takes care of me and who is my best friend and who is a great lover.
*my mom who has been there for me in the most difficult situations and has always been willing to help me and support me.
*my friend K and her bf. She is always there when I need her in difficult situations. She accepts me with all the flaws I have and has never given up on me when others have.
*my friend A. She has been my friend for a long time and has always been there for me. She will be the god mother of my first baby.

I almost also thankful:
*for who I am and all the opportunities in life I have had, have and will have.
*for my life and everything I have.
* I am healthy, don't have any diseases which I could have picked up during my drug habit.
*for the fact I can continue going to school and at some point work in a career I love
*I am still alive
*I am not depressed anymore
*I am not in pain because I am on methadone
*my life is going great...better than ever
*lakes cuz I can swim in them and that makes me feel really good
*for the fact that I don't need drugs to make me feel good. Living life makes me feel good
*for sex - don't really think I need to explain that one much
*for sexy guys like my husband because I love looking at them and that makes me feel really happy and good
*for good people - I am glad there still are a lot of good people in this world that want this place to be better and are not driven by greed
*for good food - I love making food and then looking at other people as they are enjoying it. Not to mention how much I enjoy it myself.
*for snowboarding - it makes me feel so free and careless
*for pain medication - allows me to live a life without my chronic pain and allows me not to suffer every day and night
*for cats - they are cute and soft. Make me feel great when I pet them, play with them and hold them. They are very thankful and love me back. They show their emotions are they come up without any filters.
*for the fact I live in a civilized country. It has its problems but mostly my human rights are protected. My freedom as a woman is not restricted as in some Arab countries. I am glad I live in a country where women and men have equal rights to education, jobs, driving, movement. I wouldn't want to live in a country where I wouldn't be able to drive and would only be able to leave the house in the company of my husband, father or brother.
*for the fact I don't live in a war zone or haven't been hot by a natural disaster. People think their lives are hard. Just imagine how difficult are the lives of people who live in war zones or places hit with natural disasters.
*for the fact I am not hungry and have a place to sleep at night
*for of course BL and TDS


I am sure there is more but that's all I came up with for now.
 
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^ I really wish I could have the same outlook as you. I try my best to be thankful for the things I have, and things I have accomplished, heck there's no better feeling than someone coming up to you and telling you a drug you worked on helped someone have the opportunity to play with their children and live normal lives. I can't see the positives because I'm stuck in a cloud that prevents me to see all the good things I have going for me, but only shows me the bad things in my life and makes me feel hopeless. I have a formidable resume, but I don't feel like I can work, there have been people far greater than I that have battled what I'm going through, some have made it, some haven't. I just found it refreshing that after all it seems you've been through, you've been able to live a happy life with things that you're grateful for and make you happy. I truly envy you and hope some day I can find the kind of awareness you have.
 
My girlfriend for sure, don't know how she puts up with me.

Being able to take a sub and my last 2 kpins after over a week without any benzo and last 5 days with barely any sub, and no sleep in 4 days. So much better to get relief and feel good, than to simply be normal then feel good. Wish I could turn that mindset up a bit and go long spells on purpose, not due to bad situations
 
Today I am still thankful for being alive. :) And my wonderful boyfriend. (Sounds cheesy and happycrap, but yknow!)
 
Finally know what people family friends think about me... A worthless shit bag who can't so anything by himself because he isn't mature worthless thats me.. Is it abnormal for someone to cry randomly like I have a constent ball of tears in my throat and that little thing In a song or something someone says to me or small things make me cry...
 
^we all hit difficult spots in life. The bad won't last. It might feel like it but if you put some effort into impriving your life you will slowly start seeing better days.

Hell, I've been in some shitty situations that I didn't think were ever going to end. I cried from all the pain I was feeling. I have cuts on my arms from trying to end the horrible pain.

And here I am today. Happy and feeling positive. I can't say things are great. I still have a shit load of problems. But I keep working on them one step at a time and try to not get stressed out too much about things. As long as I am working on my life and doing things then that's all I require off myself. I am not superwoman with super powers. I am only human with average abilities. I can only do so much. I don't expect perfection out of myself anymore. As long as my partner is happy, there is food in the fridge and problems are being solved then I am at ease.

I don't stress myself out over things I have no control over. It leads to nothing good but insomnia, fatigue and depression. It's not productive for me to be feeling like that. When I am happy I get more things done and therefore improve my life even more which leads to even more happiness. No matter how you look at it, stressing yourself over things you can't change will only have detrimental effects on your life.

Jekyll and Hyde as you know I haven't always been feeling like this. I worked hard to get here. I tried many different things to get out of depression. It took me years of doing different things and not giving up to get to where I am now. If I can do it anyone can.

I think the key is not stressing over things you have no control over. Setting yourself goals, some long term and some short term and getting them done. As long as you are slowly getting your goals done, you will slowly start seeing your life improve.

I write down a goal and then write down ways to achieve that goal and try to put those into work. Like one goal might be having better relationship with my SO, then I write down ways to achieve that and try to at least put a few of those things into work each day. As long as I am making some effort I am happy. I don't expect more out of myself than I can handle. Stress is the worst thing for me. I need to keep it down as much as possible. It kills my motivation, creativity and makes me want to use drugs to calm myself down. Like last night I got stressed and thought about taking a benzo to relax as that really would have helped me. I told myself that it will pass and just sat down and did all I could get done that day. I tried to relax myself naturally without the use of drugs and it worked. I didn't take the benzo. I battle each situation at a time. That benzos really did seem like a good idea but I knew that if I used then I will be more likely to use again in the future and I want to completely put drugs away (except my methadone for pain).
 
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Today I am thankful for getting all the classes in school I will need. I will have my liberal arts associates in Dec. then onto nursing from there!
 
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