Tobala,
Thank you for your wisdom, your counsel, and most of all your friendship over the years. I can't believe it was just last week we had one of our phone marathons - it's all so hard to process.
Thank you for your contribution to Bluelight as well. Here, you showed the same dedication, wit, and ability to give and take jokes while approaching serious matters with a level of professional competency rarely seen anywhere.
I backed up your birthday text to me congratulating me on getting to 30, a day on which you made me feel particularly special and like age was just a number. I knew you were a true friend well before that time, but you really made me feel special that day. Your humor helped me not take myself so seriously - never once did you fail to make me laugh.
No matter what we were talking about or from where, you always understood. You always kept your innate sense of tact, yet you told it like it is. I remember calling you back from my favorite bookstore EVER when I was in a hilariously awkward situation and noticed you'd called. I had to step outside to talk to you so I wouldn't disturb the other patrons with my laughter at the jokes we made. You were the older brother I never had, man, and it hurts like anything to lose you for so many of us, not just me.
I'm sad that you won't get to visit the Great Western Frontier with me and that in this lifetime we won't get to go through the Cascades and Sierras as we might have otherwise. For now, know that you got me through one of the roughest times of my life and I will be forever grateful for your confidence in me. You're through to the other side now. You are needed here and I will miss you, but maybe you're needed somewhere else more. We understand that. Maybe we don't totally get it, but on some level, we understand.
A mutual friend and I honored your memory through the lighting of a candle and swapping anecdotes about our conversations last night. We were laughing with you; I know it. I promise you and yours that you will be remembered.
I'm privileged to have been your friend during your lifetime and hopefully beyond. If you can watch over me and all of us, would you please? Remind us of what is important. Remind us that we need to take care of each other, not just "ourselves first" - you lived for others as much as, if not more than, yourself. That is the quality I think I respected in you most. I'll do my best to carry it forward.
Blessings to you, your family, and anyone whose life you ever touched, my elder brother. Thank you for everything you did for all of us. I will miss you so.
that gave me a (tearful but happy) smile.
