To you, from me.

[toro]

the words unspoken

the words unspoken

i love you.
why?
i don't know
i wish i did, as if the answer would make life easier
it wouldn't
so i accept my feelings, and live on
and love you a little more.

i need you.
hang on!
no i don't
i have all i need for a happy life
that's what attracted you to me.
i choose to be here,
and despite all
will not go away until you ask me to leave.

i want you.
well, duh!!
doesn't everybody?
you mightn't think so, but you are desirable
and your history is not indicative of the person you are today.
get over it, i want you in my life.
and remember, i loved you when
you weren't aware of your issues
or felt compelled to better yourself
and deal with the weight of the past.

i trust you
does it shock you?
you didn't earn it
and now that i know you better
you certainly don't deserve it.
the offer still stands
it is my gift to you
i always give of my best
and expect nothing less in return
break it if you must
but you reap what you sow
and what goes around
comes 'round.
karma will not be denied
fool me once, shame on you
fool me twice, shame on me
for the moment, i choose to be your fool
my friends are perplexed
my aquaintances join with my enemies and quietly snigger behind my back
they don't matter
for now
this is a lesson i must learn
one of the many that life has enrolled me in
and my thirst for knowledge is insatiable.
expect the worst of people
and you will rarely be dissapointed
but i've learned something else
expect the best, and let people know that nothing less will be acceptable
and very often, they deliver
they give more of themselves
and hate to dissapoint.

i accept you.
the past cannot be un-written
history cannot be changed
i offer you a new beggining
the opportunity to start again.
are you up to the task?
i'd like to find out

i believe in you
do you?
i didn't think so
i believe in your heart
i believe in your knowledge of right and wrong.
your heart is torn
your head is confused
i cannot compete with ghosts
and i will not enter a bidding war with the living
i believe you will come to the right decision
above all things,
to thine own self be true.
you know the right course of action
my cards are on the table
my heart is true
the decision is yours
and i will abide, no matter what.

you complete me.
not really.
i was fairly complete when i met you
but having you in my life
means more than...
than...
words fail me, but your presence
physical, spiritual or intelectual
improves my life immensely
more than you know
but, i hope to show you
if you'll let me.

you confuse me
yes, you do!
but how? you ask
i don't know
well actually, i do
umm, i'm not sure.
but you do
fickle is the fate that has thrown us together
and even more fickle are you
you made me some promises
and i will hold you to them
if only to teach you to consider
more carefully in the future
what you say to your lovers.

you annoy me.
well, of course you do.
how could you not?
but i deal with it
we deal with it
you deal with it
and we move on
testing limits
checking boundaries
always expecting what happened before at the hand of others
to happen yet again
maybe not this time, maybe
and yet, we still talk, we still progress.

you drive me crazy.
but, i go even more crazy in your absence
your kiss is missed
your touch is dreamed of
your voice is a salve to a troubled mind
a text from you makes my night
and your snub drives me to the brink of insanity.
the only thing worse than bad publicity
is no publicity
so they say in hollywood
i say
life without you is more insane than life with you
dichotomy?
i bear the burden well.

you shut me out
and with that gesture
you destroy me.
i've done it before
far be it for me to cast the first stone.
but the worst truth cannot hurt more
than not knowing
guessing
listening to every rumour.
sharing is caring
not always
but it's hard
to work out what
from what isn't said
and to deduce reality
from the questions of others
and from snippets
here
there.

you snow me.
you lie to me.
or you just plain don't tell me
i know
you mightn't think i do
or the extent of my suspicions.
but i have a small voice
inside me
now and then, it whispers
i ignore it at my peril
it's rarely proved wrong.
but, i soothe it
i accept the unacceptable
i dig away at the bullshit
i try to understand.
why?
again, i know not.

i've thrown in my lot with you
for the moment
why?
i partly know answers
i occasionally catch glimmers of understanding
because you intrigue me
because it was you that first recognised something in me that no other woman had
because you are strong,
you mightn't think so
but check again.
because to some extent you need me
at this time for sure,
in the future, we'll see
but often
embers of enlightenment
die
grow cold
by the morning, they provide no warmth
and the search for understanding
starts again.

am i all your dreams come true?
or am i your worst nightmare?
am i for real?
or am i just a cruel mirage
offering succour and refreshment
in the midst of this parching, unforgiving desert that is life.
find out!
test me
if you don't ask, you don't know
if you don't try, you'll never satisfy your curiousity
i don't have much faith in God
i don't have faith in you
and i certainly don't have much faith in myself. but
i have faith in love
and i will always try my utmost
to deliver
and stand on my commitment
do you trust me?


the greatest love,
is when our love for each other,
is greater,
than our need for each other.
i can't take credit
the Dalai Lama said that
and he was right.

the argument is circular
i love you because i love you.
i have no reasons
no expalantions
no justification
or any hopes for the future
this moment i love you
the same as the past few thousand moments
and while the sun may fail to rise tomorrow
i will still love you
because i choose to
because you're worth it
because there's a bit of my heart with your name on it

i am vulnerable
i choose to be so
because i am strong.
to win big
you have to be prepared to lose big
all good gamblers know that adage
i might hit the jackpot this time
or you might prove to be yet another lost opportunity.
abuse me
call me names
prove me wrong.
i dare you
i expect you to
your enemies predicted you to
but you won't destroy me
and you won't shake my faith in love
reject my love
you lose
i have enough to spare
and you know it!


**no edits. just a few stanzas that needed to be added, and a change of title.**

 

[SnowFrog]

you complete me.
not really.
i was fairly complete when i met you
but having you in my life
means more than...
than...
words fail me, but your presence
physical, spiritual or intelectual
improves my life immensely
more than you know
but, i hope to show you
if you'll let me.

Wow...let me be the first to tell u that this is amazing. So straight forward-to the point. The pure true reality in ur piece is brilliant.

Great work!!!

B

 

[harraser]

maybe im not reading this how it was intended, and if im wrong im very sorry, but i do not like your attitude in this work one bit!! you act like this person owes you something. it sounds like you are trying to shame them into being with you by continually listing how they have betrayed your trust and blah blah blah. its not often i have a harsh word to say in here, but im sorry maybe its time to wake up and take a look at yourself. you dont see this person as an equal who can share themselves with you, you talk like they are less than you and should be thankful for the "love" you are being so generous in giving them. that isnt love. you want this person as a trophy to make yourself feel big again from when they hurt you and made you feel small in the past, to soothe your acheing ego. its time to move on.

there were a lot of nice things in this poem, its just a shame they were so tainted by your feelings of posession.

once agian if i am out of line (and im sure youll think that i am) then im very sorry. but i dont think so...

 

[harraser]

[NOTE: This is NOT by me. the above was, but this i just got in an email asking me to reply anonymously for someone else. -ant]

while this is very well written...what ive picked up is that u already know
the answers u are looking for.the person u are talking about in here
obviouslly is a very confused and needs space to deal with things from the
past and issues *ghosts as so put* the severity of these issues and time
needed to heal only the affected person will know. you make it sound like if
things dont go the way orignally thought that the other person will be a
mess the rest of their life and they will live to regret it. promises are
made but most are and will be broken.its a sad fact of life.people make
promises and then things change.circumstances arise and things need to be
dealt with.

maybe thats why u feel ur being lied to. im sure its not intentional.people
do not always tell each other everything.they have different levels of
closeness with each person...past experiences of being hurt by people also
play a role in how much they tell people.they mostly tend to clam up and
keep people at arms length to avoid hurting them. a certain feeling of
possessiveness also pops its head up and the comments about how u need this
person in ur life and how they complete u,but how ur life was also complete
before u met them, and how u want them to be in ur life but want it
now...makes u sound somewhat 'above' the other person.makes them sound like
an accessory for ur benefit.that is not love. that is not love at all.

the fact that u feel ur competing with people for this person also bothers
me.u make it sound like they belong to you. they sound like they arent ready
for anything right now.from what i read this person u describe obviouslly
has magor problems they are dealing with.it seems that the confusion is huge
on the others part and maybe its best to walk away and give the space and
time needed to let this person sort them selves out.

sometimes the answers you are looking for and the quuestions u want answered
cannot be answered. not if the person wanting to answer them does not now
themself.

 

[toro]

both of you are right, and both of you are wrong. i am actually glad to have both of your views, as it has allowed me to gain some perspective on the situation. i can see how my piece can be read as you have, and there is a lot of anger in it. it is raw, unedited, and stands on the page as it spewed forth from my tormented mind. it stands as it is. some of my attitudes are wrong. thank you for pointing them out. some of my feelings i stand by.

this discourse is the main reason i posted this up. i was torturing and tormenting myself, and i had noone to bounce my feelings off, and the person in question was often exacerbating my confusion. i do not own her. i never have, i never will. the reason i love her is because she is a free-spirit. i am sorry if my piece conveyed otherwise. she will not forever be messed-up if i walk away. i do not give myself credit enough for that. ultimately i am as impulsive and uncertain as she is. i apologise for any discomfort this ramble has caused, but it stands as it is. if only to remind me of how i could misread a situation, and to better consider the way my work could be interpreted from points of view different than mine.

i will stop here, as this has crossed the boundaries of the personal, and is better dealt with by other means more private. however, i do appreciate both your forthrightness and candour, and it has helped me to reassess the situation with different eyes. thank you for taking the time out to help me with my dilema. in words, of all places.