Zebrafish, I remember when I first saw you start posting here. You and I were in the same place at exactly the same time. 8 months later it makes me legitimately saddened to see you turning into a mini FirstBadComedown. I think long term comedown BLers should realize that their obsessive desire to scour the Internet for an answer, the very trait of their personhood that brought them to BL in the first place, is the exact reason why they are continuing to prolong their suffering.
More so than a bad experience with MDMA, I would wager that the one thing we all have in common here is that we are smart, inquisitive, forward-thinking people. And yes, perhaps slightly prone to anxiety though it might not have proven an actual hindrance to our lives until now. It is these positive attributes that have driven us to the Internet in an obsessive search for answers thereby creating the horrific symptoms of the long term comedown. Double edged sword. Be proud of who you are and understand that it is the good things in yourself that have driven you to the place you are in now. Find solace in that as you work toward your recovery. Everyone in this situation always wonders "why me?" Why are hundreds of thousands of people rolling every day and experiencing no consequences? The reason is the mass majority of these people don't have the insightful, inquisitive nature as many of us.
I'm not trying to sound snotty. I'm just pointing out the obvious. Anxiety often comes with a slew of positive attributes - creativity, intellectualism, insight, etc. I believe that is how many of us drive ourselves into this state of suffering, scouring medical journals, etc., and it is how many of us perpetuate this anxiety.
It took me six months of CBT with a psychologist and four months of 10 mg of Lexapro to get where I am now. Not 100%, but INFINITELY improved from where I was even a month ago. In the end, it was the combination of an SSRI and the help of a therapist that led me to the realization that the way out of this mess was my choice alone. Sure it's going to take time, sure there are lingering symptoms, but as my therapist explained it... You're feeling the way you are whether you like it or not. Why not ACCEPT the feelings. I PROMISE YOU, that mere gesture to yourself will make life so much more pleasant and enjoyable. It terrifies me to reflect upon some of the things I once believed. That I would be damaged forever. That I was such a fucking idiot for taking 100mg of untested molly. That I was doomed. That my career was flushed down the drain. That my vision, balance, cognition, and speech would be fucked forever. THat the only way out of this situation would be to take my life...
Goddamn. Eight months later and I'm so thankful to be alive. Don't believe the hype, ya'll. There is hope and it's in your hands. I'm feeling better every day. But more importantly, the best thing I've realized is SO WHAT. You might feel like shit one day but who knows about tomorrow. Just accept where you are and let the healing begin.
More so than a bad experience with MDMA, I would wager that the one thing we all have in common here is that we are smart, inquisitive, forward-thinking people. And yes, perhaps slightly prone to anxiety though it might not have proven an actual hindrance to our lives until now. It is these positive attributes that have driven us to the Internet in an obsessive search for answers thereby creating the horrific symptoms of the long term comedown. Double edged sword. Be proud of who you are and understand that it is the good things in yourself that have driven you to the place you are in now. Find solace in that as you work toward your recovery. Everyone in this situation always wonders "why me?" Why are hundreds of thousands of people rolling every day and experiencing no consequences? The reason is the mass majority of these people don't have the insightful, inquisitive nature as many of us.
I'm not trying to sound snotty. I'm just pointing out the obvious. Anxiety often comes with a slew of positive attributes - creativity, intellectualism, insight, etc. I believe that is how many of us drive ourselves into this state of suffering, scouring medical journals, etc., and it is how many of us perpetuate this anxiety.
It took me six months of CBT with a psychologist and four months of 10 mg of Lexapro to get where I am now. Not 100%, but INFINITELY improved from where I was even a month ago. In the end, it was the combination of an SSRI and the help of a therapist that led me to the realization that the way out of this mess was my choice alone. Sure it's going to take time, sure there are lingering symptoms, but as my therapist explained it... You're feeling the way you are whether you like it or not. Why not ACCEPT the feelings. I PROMISE YOU, that mere gesture to yourself will make life so much more pleasant and enjoyable. It terrifies me to reflect upon some of the things I once believed. That I would be damaged forever. That I was such a fucking idiot for taking 100mg of untested molly. That I was doomed. That my career was flushed down the drain. That my vision, balance, cognition, and speech would be fucked forever. THat the only way out of this situation would be to take my life...
Goddamn. Eight months later and I'm so thankful to be alive. Don't believe the hype, ya'll. There is hope and it's in your hands. I'm feeling better every day. But more importantly, the best thing I've realized is SO WHAT. You might feel like shit one day but who knows about tomorrow. Just accept where you are and let the healing begin.