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to the boy i woke up next to...

E-girl

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
as i sit on the edge of my bed
putting on my shoes
and thinking about how i'm going to be late for work once again,
i glance down at you,
sleeping on my pillow
softly snoring
undoubtedly exhausted from what was a long, mind-numbing night
my CD player blinks annoyingly,
to let me know that we finished off a bunch of CDs,
and i cant help but think,
i never knew music could be so beautiful...
a thousand thoughts race through my head,
but they are all too profound to dwell on at 7:36 in the morning,
so i just let them race,
along with my heart
and remind myself to put my feelings on hold
maybe your touch was the softest and gentlest i ever felt,
and maybe the way you kissed me melted me in a thousand places on my body
maybe the way you looked into my eyes,
and touched my cheek
was enough to make my knees go weak
and maybe i never felt so safe in anyone's arms...
but you're still just a boy
and boys break girls' hearts,
if they are not careful
i'd like to think that last night was not just something
you'll chalk up to another fuck,
but instead
a night you'll remember with the wonder and amazingness
of a shooting star, or a four-leaf clover...
something you maybe see only once or twice in your life,
but that you never really forget...
i sit there, on the edge of a bed we christened just a few hours ago,
and i stare at you just a bit longer,
wondering what last night was to you...
but more than that,
what it was to me
i wish i could stop the hate in my heart,
the contempt i have,
for all men
because of the so many in my past that have made me this way
i wish i could do that for you
i wish i could take last night's vision to work with me today and smile
as i write program after program
but i know that as soon as i walk out that door,
last night will fade into the background of my life
and i'll complain tomorrow about how i'm so empty
i wish i could stop screaming inside,
and just let myself fall for you...
because you are in so many ways,
exactly what i want,
and exactly what i need
in my life
i'm sorry boy...
boy sleeping in my bed,
still sweaty from a night of passion and frenzy
sorry that i can't stay
in this bed with you,
or in this moment
i cant allow you to be another picture i have to take down off my wall down the road,
or a memory i have to try to erase when it all goes to hell
i have to let the glue dry on the broken shatters of this heart
so that maybe one day,
i can give it to someone who wont break it
when you wake up,
and i'm not there
i hope you dont hate me
and i hope you dont think it was all for nothing
for the first time in a very long time,
i have a perfect moment i can keep
and lock away...
a moment that couldn't have gotten any better
a moment that makes me smile and shiver at the same time
i feel like i should say something,
but the words would come out all wrong
i dont know what to say
or how to feel
(or maybe its that i wont let myself feel)
so i kiss you softly on the lips,
as you sleep
and i glide out the door back into the real world
shutting the door to a perfect night
with a great guy,
who will hate me when he wakes up.
 
this is sad :( -- you're just gonna break this kid's heart for fear of getting your own heart broken? doesn't make a lot of sense to me (assuming this poem isnt fictional! lol)
seriously, you're gonna have a very lonely life if you can't learn to trust people -- just a thought.
d
 
first of all, i dont intend on breaking his heart. as far as i know, i was just another girl, another night. why should i let my feelings get involved? maybe things will end up different. i dunno. but i dont need anyone to tell me to learn to trust people sweetheart. i trusted a guy who put a ring on my finger and then slept with 9 other girls over the span of the last year he was with me. i trusted him every single time he denied it. i trusted the guy before him, who was seeing another girl for the last 2 months of our relationship behind my back. i trusted all the guys before him too.
dont tell me who to trust. i used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. a person had my trust til they broke it. now, i dont trust anyone. you have to earn my trust. and so far, this guy has not.
 
well, all i know about this situation is what i read in the poem (as far as the "earning trust" goes, etc) so i know i dont understand the situation. but look,
i didn't say what i said as an insult -- it was meant as friendly advice; from someone who gave up on love (like it seems like you've done) and then eventualy found it. before i found marisa (the girl i've been happily dating for the past 2 & ½ years) it was just one long, pathetic line of fucked up girls who used me and messed with my head. but you can't give up, that's all i'm saying. if you do, you lose before you ever have a chance.
my apologies if i offended,
d
 
ok Ive tried twice now to reply to this but I just cant seem to say what I want to. once again youve brought up a whole heap of emotions in me and I cant seem to sort them out enough to give a decent reply. youre a briliant writer dear, I really do hope you find happiness, or rather that you let go enough for it to find you. love ant
 
ok Ive tried twice now to reply to this but I just cant seem to say what I want to. once again youve brought up a whole heap of emotions in me and I cant seem to sort them out enough to give a decent reply. youre a briliant writer dear, I really do hope you find happiness, or rather that you let go enough for it to find you.
This is exactly how i feel!
Chrissy you take my damn breath away..honestly.
Click to expand...
 
PERFECT. there are so many of us who don't dare speak up about it or are not skilled enough to convey it, thanks for writing this, one of the few pieces i can truly relate to.
 
im wit disciple
its cuz grils dont, and will never understand the male psyche. Just because u dont understand how a guy sees things, doesnt mean its supid or wrong.
 
first off...this post was not made to have anyone attack anyone...so desicple simmer down. And you want to be a mod in this forum?
This bullshit doesn't belong here. Critisizm is one thing, attacking is another. Take the bullshit someplace else.
E-girl: this poem rawked and thats what is most important here.
[ 27 March 2002: Message edited by: Angelight ]
 
alright, i'm only gonna say this once so LISTEN UP. those comments i made (with the foul language) were NOT DIRECTED TOWARD E-GIRL. they were, in fact, directed toward her friend, who has elected to delete her reply.
so basicaly, while i appreciate the support from the other guys in this thread, none of you really understand the situation you're commenting on. the last thing i wanted was to turn e-girls poem into a big stupid flamewar thread with ghey highschool drama, but appearantly that's what i've done, so i'm sorry. frostyangel: if you care about your friend's thread you wont respond with anymore rude comments -- but if you do, i won't respond to you.
this is my LAST REPLY to this thread, and i hope to god the next one has something to do with the POEM!
d :(
------------------------
i asked you nicely on AIM to stop this stupid drama. while i guess this was your attempt at resolving that (as was hers by deleting her reply at MY request), i think you could have been a little more careful with how you worded this reply (if you don't know what i'm talking about, i mean the "choice" words that i deleted in this reply).
enough of this bullshit. this is MY poem, i never asked for advice, and i sure as hell didn't ask for this drama. we are dropping the issue NOW. anything relating to this needs to be settled outside of this post if you feel the need to dwell on it. any replies that are not about my poem from here down are getting deleted. and that's that.
thank you, and goodnight.
~e-girl
[ 27 March 2002: Message edited by: E-girl ]
 
beautiful. i can relate to your feelings of distrust. i'm struggling with the same issue with guys/sex in general. even though i have an amazing boyfriend now--i still had the same doubts/fears after the first few times we had sex. some feelings are just hard to shake
~*~kristen~*~
 
wow E-girl that was written perfectly (as always).
Y'r words make me feel like i'm watching a scene out of a movie or a play, don't ever stop writting.
[ 29 March 2002: Message edited by: tari_aja ]
 
Oh sweetie, you really are finding your voice!! And it just keeps getting more and more powerful. Such a beautiful thing to see from a beautiful person, and you make me happy the more you write, please know that.
And it's time for me to say it: you have put into words the emotions that I have had running through me and couldn't define. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I already love the person that you are becoming.
 
controversial as it was, this was the start of my feelings for this new guy... and i would like to bump this as a reminder of how it all started :)
 
bump for e-girl, isn't it amazing how your posts on words are kind of like your journal?
keep on loving, and know that words loves you
-lil
 
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