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to MiNi...

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
i've read a lot of your works... in fact, sometimes, i often spend hours just reading old posts in Words, ones from last year or even earlier, and i never pass yours up. a lot of people in this forum have touched my heart in different ways... Mella has a way of saying the right thing at the right time. Crow has a way of getting my emotions to have the better of me. Nietzche makes me think. Dagny makes me cry. I could go on...
This asshole that i work with, is mean to everyone, but he picks on me the most, for no apparent reason. I go out of my way to be nice to him only to have him put me down an hour later. I work in a place where i deal with a LOT of mean customers. I take shit from a lot of people. and once they leave, i forget how they made me feel. But him... when i work with him, as soon as i get in my car to leave, i cry. he always makes me cry. i confronted him once... and he said "People get stressed, and busy. And if you take everything people say personally, then this is not the job for you." I think that after all that rambling, this is my point: I TAKE EVERYTHING PERSONALLY.
if you cant take what people say to heart, then why even say it?
when i say something, i expect it to be taken very personally. I dont lie. if something bothers me, i let people know about it. if i'm upset, i'm not afraid to cry. if i hate someone, they know it.
i have seen a lot of people come and go on this board. i've bonded with a lot of people. its these people whose posts i look for, and always read, and usually respond to. i've forgotten that there are 20,000 BLers here, and that i've probably passed up knowing a lot of great people.
in the past few months, yours have been the posts that i always read, and never pass up. i dont know what it is... i've been very depressed lately, and it feels good to write something, pour out my heart and soul, and have people respond to that... but there will not always be people to give that pity-hug. you give me something else... hope.
Brownie and i had this conversation once. and i told him that i believe the most powerful feeling in the world... is hope. when you have nothing, hope is the best thing there is. when you are hanging on to something, hope is your rope. i lost hope a lot of times, and had a lot of different people give it back to me. 2 years ago, Soulfly gave me hope at the lowest point in my life. I have him to thank that i am the person that i am today. And he didnt give it to me just once, but over and over, when no one else could.
MiNi... you give me hope. for myself.
Not hope that things will work out with Justin... HOPE, that i will find myself again. You give me hope that i will get by, that i will be happy again. You give me hope that i can stand up to people who make me feel like that guy at work. You give me hope that i will become SOMEONE again.
Your poetry hits home. And usually, no matter what you are writing about, i find strength in your words. I never met you, but I bet that you are a very strong person, someone who doesnt let people walk all over them. Someone who can only shed so many tears over a guy who did you wrong. Someone who takes a fall, but gets right back up.
I see it in more than your poetry. For example, what you wrote to Kagan in his post... you always seem to be able to say the brutal truth in the most optimistic way... i know that what you said to him, he will take to heart.
There are not a lot of people like you out there. I'm sure you have a ton of friends on this board and you dont need me to tell you what a great person you are. But i think all too often, we forget to tell people that they mean something to us, or that they have touched our lives in some way. I learned the hard way, that sometimes its too late to say things you once thought, but kept to yourself.
I didnt want to pass up this chance to thank you, for everything.
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
*Choice, not chance, determines destiny*
"November is all I know."
 
E-Girl:
(1) I agree - MiNi is nothing short of amazing.
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(2) Speaking of "hope," here are the closing lines from the most inspirational movie of all time:
"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head.
I think it the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.
I hope I can make it across the border.
I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand.
I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.
I hope."
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((((E-Girl))))
((((Mini))))
Two special people who make Bluelight special
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*awestruck*
wow.
i'm absolutely floored.
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E-girl,
the most important thing to remember is that we're all human and you shouldn't let anything keep you down. i'd like to respond to some of the major points which caught my attention while reading through this. i printed it out and highlighted the things that struck a chord with me.
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re: the asshole at work
there will always be someone who you don't get along with and who just doesn't like you.
that's okay!!! fewer christmas cards to send out, know what i'm sayin?
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i'm gonna have to quote morrissey right about now "in my life why do i give valuable time to people who don't care if i live or die?"
ask yourself the same question, doll. often times, the things we hate about others is something that we most hate about ourselves. don't let someone make you cry. save your tears for a romantic black and white movie or when you stub your little toe on the corner of the coffee table. if you must see this person everyday at work, consider moving to another department or (if it's really bad) talk to a human resources manager about it. just remember that work is something we all must do, unless we were unlucky enough to inherit trust funds and not have to go through the daily grind like a good chunk of the population. chin up, baby.
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re: taking everything personally
this goes way beyond your coworker situation. you'll learn in time (that's the only way this lesson is taught) that as you grow more within yourself, you'll be more accepting to let things roll off your back. you cannot take what everyone says personally. i had a hard time understanding this and still have trouble coping every now and then.
example: when my boyfriend and i talk about old times and he makes a reference to maybe an exgirlfriend who has a phat car and makes bank and travels here and there - that is not his way of saying to me "YOU should be doing these things". i used to think because i didn't have what she had, that i was lacking. so not true. i'm still growing, but secure enough in myself to know that those things don't make a person love you more, he was merely commenting on some stuff that she does. but the fact is that she is the EXgirlfriend. there is no EX in my title and that means more to me than a phat car, mad lootcakes, and a passport filled with a rainbow of stamps.
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re: the feeling that you passed up knowing a lot of people on bluelight.
it's strange, but certain people gel together in this world. i think that most things are meant to be. quality is better than quantity (to me). there is no cap on the amount of people you'll meet in your lifetime. but you'll have to decide which relationships are worth staying in close contact with and which ones deserve a place in your memory and nothing more. but that's up to you.
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re: me giving you hope
girlie, this blew my mind. i'm so happy to do this for you. i don't want to burst your bubble, but i'm still learning so much every day about who i am and what the fuck the meaning to all of this is!!!
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i'm not yet the person i'm striving to be, but thank god i'm not the person i used to be. i'm terribly fortunate that the things i've experienced always has a twinge of luck sprinkled somewhere in the mounds of yuck. i'm still not sure if i believe in god, but i have more faith in myself than ever before. i don't dwell on all the bad shit that i've been through, i think of it all as a bunch of tiny little stepping stones which brought me to where i am now.
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re: brownie and your appreciation to soulfly
see, THESE are the people who merit your time and tears and words. you'll remember them forever and hopefully maintain contact with over the years as you grow into yourself even more. if someone did a "this is your life, E-girl" show soulfly would be on it, right? (not to mention a million screaming teenaged girls)
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THAT's what it's all about.
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re: me
truth be known...i'm not that strong. i crumble all the time. i'm totally selfless when it comes to certain thing and incredibly stubborn about others. i used to let people walk all over me, but that was mostly due to drugs and a really fast lifestyle that not many can withstand. i've shed tears over so many guys, but at the same time - they've inspired me to write some of my best stuff. i've cheated, been cheated on, been stabbed in the back, been looked down upon, and was depressed for a long time - way before i took medication for it. i'm proud of who i am today and know that i'm much better sober. it took so much time to realize this. i used to think that the glitzy, glamorous me was the one everyone loved and were attracted to and that's not totally untrue. but i don't care about everyone anymore, just the few who have proved to me that we are way more than just acquaintances. these people range from drug dealer/student to housewife/mommy to boyfriend/doctor. set no limitations on the people who rock your world. who cares what others think, right? if someone gives their time to you and allows you to be less than perfect and still loves you (with having nothing to gain except your company) they're good people.
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re: my post to kagan
i don't envy him one bit. but getting through bad shit (such as addiction) will only make you more humble and less of a dickhead and able to give and receive love, unconditionally. I know this from first hand experience.
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re: friends on the board
i've met some of the most intriguing characters on bluelight and have learned more than i'd ever imagined. people can say whatever they like online or off, it's what you take away from it that will become a part of you.
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re: saying things too late
you had perfect timing on this post.
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never hold back your feelings when you know deep down that its right. just remember that once you throw something out there for someone else to interpret - it's fair game. what you wrote to me here, i will never forget.
in sum...
i think that you are a beautiful person with mad talent and you know how to express yourself. you have a gift that is unique to YOU! experience life to the maximum and never let them keep you down.
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thank you from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes to the ends of these fingers i am using to type with to the head on my shoulders. you made me happy.
my most sincere thanks a big, warm, barbie smile.
xoxox.MiNiMoWs
(btw...we're both pennsylvania girls)
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ps: L O V E L I F E and Crow *mmmmmmmmmmmwah
 
* its always good to take a step back once in a while, look at everything, and be thankful for everything you have and how far you have come *
and i agree, hope is one of the most precious things, though hard to find at low points in our life... but that is just when we have to rely on the strength others give us. when we lean on and cry on others shoulders. only to find that we in turn gave them strength at their low times. the strong help the weak and when the tables turn and the weak become strong and so forth, it is then that we can return the favor of helping us learn to smile
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[This message has been edited by Mellabopper (edited 28 August 2001).]
 
This thread = beauty in all it's glory.
LL- I smile every time I see that scene.
 
id just like to say that it was beautiful and inspiring to read that....about meeting truely amazing people on the board i couldnt agree more, one person i've met here has and i know will change my prespective on life foever.
whoever says the internet is a waste of time....then i'd ask is saving a life a waste of time!?!?!
TWo thumbs up to everyone on this board and all who had made a difference!! whoever thought reading off a computer screen could put a permenant smile on ones face?!?!
GOURANGA= Be HAPPY!!
uni...
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'id rather live in an illusion than face harsh reality' me
[email protected]
IM unicycle83 (thanx to brownie):)
 
*group hug*
Words is one of my favorite places here in bluelight land.
 
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