To hide is to Lose.

[Taliana]

4/12/03

Im so good at hiding things
But when it comes down to it, I hide too much
I cant let you in
Because im scared of getting hurt or cut down

I don’t give you access to help heal my woes
Because when Ive done so in the past ive only been let down

I need help but I dont know where to look,
Who to turn to,
Or what im going to actually say.

I come across so carefree
Yet im one of the most complicated people you will ever meet
That’s if I let you in of course…
Which probably wont happen.

So you can keep thinking of me
As that person u know will never change
That person you know will always be stuck in the same rut, four years down the track

All I ever wanted was a true best friend
But all ive been given is a dozen slaps in the face

 

[Adikkal]

Sounds like an emotional defense mechanism,
If you ever want to talk tali shoot me an e-mail or something, i can be a set of ears to vent to. If you don't vent then all that pressure builds up and you'll crack at the seams, its much better to get it out and talk about it. As you've done through writing this piece.

Hiding emotions is not a good thing.
Obviously you need to exercise some control but do not supress what you're feeling or try and hide it from other people. Doing so will only cause confusion within yourself as no longer can you just do what feels right and be who you wanna be, you have to think about how to be acting.

If you have to think about how to be acting, there lies the problem, you should be just being.

Essentially, YOU are the one who can right your own wrongs, other people can't do it for you. Talk about problems with people with the purpose of discovering the holes for yourself. If you know where the holes are you can work on filling them.

Anyway, hope thats of some help.

Adikkal

 

[sparkle_jez]

Taliana. I can COMPLETELY relate to this in everyway.
It's exactly the way I am too.

I've never been able to open up properly to anyone since being let down badly in the past myself...
I know how awful it is not being able to be yourself, not knowing who you really are, and not being able to let out all your emotions... They are just stuck inside and just really really hurt.
Can I ask if you have been diagnosed with borderline personality? And do you self-harm?
I'm not implying anything negative, it's just you've described to me some very close symptoms in your poem. For example, people with BPD appear to be fine and able to cope on the outside, when really on the inside it's falling apart. They also don't really know what there true identity is (not being able to open up, especially emotionally, or ask for help).
Please PM me if you neep to talk, because when I read this poem it hit me so hard...It was like you were inside my head and writing about it!

Take care

 

[Rollingrrl]

awesome! incredible! it also touched me. my best friend is my cat and before that was my horse. yeah people let ya down but pets won't!

 

[sparkle_jez]

^^ lol...actually, the relationships i have with my cats are important to me!
If they are pissed off with me it upsets me!! lol

 

[Taliana]

Wow thankyou for the such great responses to the poem..

Sparkle- ill send you a pm

And yeah... my cat pretty much is my best friend, animals are such good therapy don't you think??? I got her 2 years ago after i first moved out of home- we have a great relationship, she seriously is the best cat you could ask for.

I think i just need to stop being dependent on my friends for my hapiness and start being the happy person in my own skin again...

 

[Rollingrrl]

^EXACTLY! I'm about at the same point. it ain't fun for sure.

{{{{taliana}}}}

 

[neverwas]

I come across so carefree
Yet im one of the most complicated people you will ever meet
That’s if I let you in of course…
Which probably wont happen.

*************

All I ever wanted was a true best friend
But all ive been given is a dozen slaps in the face

enough said.

*huggles angel*