tired.

[gimmethecamera]

im mentally and physically tired of life.
i feel like im losing grip on life, i keep spiraling down and nothing helps im growing desperate because all i think about is killing myself.
its sad to know that i want to do that to myself, i just feel ike no one understands the pain i feel, i dont even understand it myself.
i have a great girlfriend, shes hurt me in the past but im over it now..
i have great friends, but i feel like im just annoying them with my sadness...
i used to have alright parents, but ive stopped talking to them because of the pressure they place upon me.
i feel so alone i need help i dont know who to reach out to, i dont want therapy ive been there and done that and it doesnt help, if anything it made my depression worse.
because of it, i realized that i dont even know what troubles me, but its there and i hurt all the time.
i feel so guilty, i feel like shit, i feel like i dont deserve to live.
i feel like a failure i dont want any of this anymore.

please i need advice.

 

[Munchy]

I'm sure many of us have been there - myself included.

Life is situational and circumstantial, you do deserve to live. Drop pessimism and employ logic, find yourself a focal point

edit - I believe the minimum post count required to be able to send PM's is 50, so I'll be watching this thread daily.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Mods I hope it's okay if I move this over to TDS? I think it will get better coverage and advice


gimmethecamera, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. I've been in the same dark place many times before and it's horrible. The good news is that these negative feelings won't last forever, you WILL feel better again. So it's important that you don't act on your suicidal thoughts, don't do anything to harm yourself. Suicide is permanent, these bad feelings aren't. You'll have to put in a bit of effort to make the necessary changes in your life so that you can get back on track, but it is so worth it

I have a few questions for you:
What drugs (if any) are you taking at the moment? How much, and for how long have you been using?
How is your diet?
Have you been to counselling before?
What hobbies do you have? Exercise? School?

 

[gimmethecamera]

as of now i only use:
MDMA
Poppy seed tea (if it would even be considered a drug.)
Alcohol.
i used to do every drug i could get my hands on, i was addicted to heroin and meth primarily and when i couldnt get those i would stick to coke and any other thing i could get..
i was addicted to drugs, sure theres no debating that but i was addicted to the fact that if i were to do drugs id feel better and all the bad feelings ive had left.
i was addicted at the age of 15, my first day of high school i left my third period and met up with a friend who was shooting heroin he offered me some because i was really depressed and i was hooked ever since.
but then i stopped with no rehab needed.

i dont eat much anymore, i dont feel hungry anymore..

yes ive had counseling before.

i have a part time job, ive graduated from school.
i walk around my neighborhood everyday after work, if that would be considered exercise.


i just feel really down, i dont see the point in life anymore.
im not happy, so why should i continue to live?

 

[n3ophy7e]

That is excellent that you quit heroin on your own, that is a huge acheivement and you should be really proud of yourself man

Poppy seed tea is certainly considered a drug, it's an opiate and can be very addictive. The withdrawals can be really nasty as well.

You should continue to live because like I said, your unhappiness will not last forever. I'm guessing that you're relatively young, so there is so much opportunity for you to find happiness and to turn things around. Please don't give up yet.

Perhaps it might be worth considering getting some counselling again. Do you think it helped you before?

Please be careful with abusing recreational drugs because they can cause depression, especially MDMA. And alcohol is well-known for making depression worse as well. I suffer from depression as well so I know that I have to be really careful about what I take and how much etc. For example, I know for a fact that smoking pot makes me extremely depressed/suicidal for the 3-4 days after I smoke. So I know that I just have to either not smoke pot, or be really aware of my depression for the days afterwards.

If you're having thoughts of suicide you really need to get help man, you can start by just speaking to your regular doctor and see what they suggest and go from there. You will get through this okay??

 

[Uber_Penguin]

I and many others know how you feel man, I know this because honestly it's like deja vu. I know I've said many times when asked how I feel or something, the best thing I can say is
"I feel like an old man stuck in a young persons body; I feel like I'm always tired, achy and fatigued, and like I'm just really mentally worn down and don't want to deal with all the shit anymore, like there's nothing left to life but to just die."

I also know what you mean with the therapy having not been a good experience, because if you talk to many people who've been through therapy, probably a lot of them, myself included, will tell you that the first time/s they tried it they really didn't take much away from it, but many of them will also tell you that with a new therapist they did much, much better.
The way that I look at it is that doctors are like anti-depressants; some just don't work for one person, but will work great for another, you just need to find one that does for you.
Also, if you aren't on any medications, I'd recommend giving it a shot, it couldn't hurt and some ppl it really helps in the long run.

Another thing, I know that you probably see your parents as having too high expectations or as being really critical of you when you just feel horrible, and think that they don't understand you. Just keep in mind, stuff like depression and anxiety disorders in people's kids can be really tough on the parents, especially because to them they're borderline powerless as they sit on the sideline trying their hardest to help their kids make the best decisions they can and to keep their kids safe and healthy. Unfortunately, parents are humans too, they make mistakes and get upset too. Even if sometimes it seems like they're just there to make things harder and more miserable for you, I think I'm correct in recommending that you don't turn your backs on them. I don't know them personally, but I'm willing to bet that they're probably just scared for you and want you to get better, and I also know that in my case and that of many others, we can know that even if nobody in the world gave a shit about us, or wanted us to die, or wasn't willing to listen or try to help us, we could still turn to our parents. No matter how bad things may seem, I know that my parents would give anything in the world to see me happy and healthy, and ya know, I'm willing to bet that even if it doesn't seem that way to you now, that it just might be the case for you too, so just try to have some understanding for them too. Sometimes just knowing someone in the world cares that much about you can help.

Just know that there's always a way, and no matter what there are people out there who do what they do to help people just like you, and really do care. Just see if you can't maybe find them, because take it from someone who's been down this path, they'll keep going and trying more and more until you're better, and feel good again. giving up on you isn't an option for any psychiatric doctor I've ever known, and if it is, then I can guarantee there's another you can go to.

Keep pluggin' away. Keep in mind there's always a way through.