Tired of it

Man, all of a sudden I'm the entertainment committee. Dude calls me up because he's bored and wants to do something. Thats cool and all but I need me time.

First off, I'm new at hangin' out with people I've just met.

Second, if I have something, I'll give it. Now people EXPECT me to give them things. Kinda pisses me off. No... it REALLY fuckin' pisses me off.

Third, I really don't like being around people all that much. I'm finally comfortable in my own skin again, I'd like to be by myself for a few days, hang with my dog and get all the things done that I've been putting off due to some bullshit obligation to others.

I can't work other people's program for them. They need to do their own work just like everyone else.

So what this dude is bored. I went through that as well. Being bored (and dealing with it) is an important part of this thing. In the past when we were bored we simply just used drugs to conquer that boredom.

Dude's gotta face it sooner or later. Being able to be still takes time and eventually, being comfortable with ourselves will follow.

I'm done with chasing after chaos. Don't involve me in yours.

I dunno. I guess I'm going through my own shit right now and am focusing MY shit onto others.

I still feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

 

So, did you tell him that you weren't up for doing anything? Step one to not being taken advantage of is learning to say no. Easier said than done, but it's a vital skill.

If you ever learn how to do it, let me know.

 

I told him I had a bunch of things to do (in actuality I didn't do anything) but apparently the forces that be had something to say about that. My upstairs neighbor caught me outside and asked if I could drive him somewhere out of my way. I did.

I'm a pussy. I want people to like me so I do things that I don't really want to do. Its my fault I suppose. I used to feed people I just met in NA, give them smokes, rides and sometimes a few dollars. Now I really can't afford to do these things and get pissed when I'm asked.

If I was rich I would be broke in two days. Oh well

 

I'd go insane if people were asking me to do shit for them all the time. I've taken the road of becoming pretty much a hermit, which is definitely good for my alone time but now when I do actually want to hang out with someone there's no one around.

 

You know what? I think it's good to do things that you don't want to do for others...sometimes. You definitely need to say no more often than not, but it's okay once in a while to do things for others. It's a fine balance, but altruism can be of benefit to both parties. This is what I tell myself, at least. I'm like you - I do a lot of things for others when I don't necessarily want to do those things.

I don't think it makes you a pussy to cave in sometimes. I think it makes you a compassionate human. Compassion is an awesome quality, and it's not always fuel by a desire to be liked, I think; it's more intricate than that. You're a pussy if you always give in and do what others want when it's the opposite of what you want!

Mind you, I can't believe that your neighbour is asking you to drive him places. I can't imagine asking my downstairs neighbours to drive me places. That would be weird. I've got legs (and a sense of respectable, friendly distance) for a reason!

Sorry; novella.