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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Time to slow down.

Legerity

Legerity

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 29, 2010
Messages
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Well it's gotten to the point where my drug use has escalated beyond what is acceptable to me. Over the 8 or so last months it was mostly at a level that I was fine with and did not seem to interfere with my life, but the last two sessions turned into excessive binges combined with a month and a half's worth of leftover benzos for anxiety and sleep. So I've broken several "rules" for myself that I've been trying to follow. I also cannot justify spending money on this now that I'm not working and will have to pay for courses soon.

I don't want to exaggerate its severity at the moment, I would like to prevent it from becoming what it was in the past. I feel that it is helpful to acknowledge that now is a good time to slow down and focus on getting my shit together.

So I'm not sure what my specific plan is yet, but I want to start taking better care of myself and to become more engaged in life. I should be starting classes in April so that is going to be my priority for now. Looking forward to having something new to focus my energy on and to give my body/mind a break.

Thanks for listening, I hope all are well <3
 
well kudos acknowledging, and confronting.

"Looking forward to having something new to focus my energy on and to give my body/mind a break."


hehe
~:-)

in alll seriousness, whats missing from that quote?
you definitely clearly have it...


Mind Body ...
 
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Your openness and honesty is refreshing.

You most certainly have a good head on your shoulders! You had rules, broke them and now you are taking action! Awesome!

I truly wish you the best in all your endeavors.

:)
 
Gratz for acknowledging your problem. This is the first step. Just stay on this train of thought and I think you will eventually be where you need to be. No need to rush, just slowly get better.
 
You are taking the right approach here. I have certain "rules" that I have set up for myself also. When I break one of them I take a step back and start evaulating my life. I ask myself if I am currently happy at work/home/in my relationship. When I am feeling down I turn a simple weekend party into a marathon.

I wish you all the luck in the world getting yourself back on track!! Give us an update on your sucess.
 
We tend to take a step back & organize our lives & methods of use when we get scared of an out come of what had happened to get us where we are. Good luck with slowing down the party scene & getting yourself back in order.
 
I think it was that eye-burning orange/red/blue avatar that pushed you over the edge. ;)

Its good to have a plan. Its good to have some things to implement on getting started. Some people it would be deleting certain numbers from their phone or placing some activities off limit for a certain period of time. Composing this thread was probably the leap you needed to get started.

Have you thought of other stuff you are going to do to get things to an acceptable level?
 
Enki said:
I think it was that eye-burning orange/red/blue avatar that pushed you over the edge. ;)

Its good to have a plan. Its good to have some things to implement on getting started. Some people it would be deleting certain numbers from their phone or placing some activities off limit for a certain period of time. Composing this thread was probably the leap you needed to get started.

Have you thought of other stuff you are going to do to get things to an acceptable level?
Click to expand...

The avatar may be a contributing factor. :) I'll need to take that into consideration while deciding a plan of action.

You are right, it's good to have a plan. I've been purchasing indirectly through a friend of mine. He's been encouraging me to take a break and he is also going into "hiatus" for a while so it won't be a problem making an arrangement with him.

And the last incident brought up some issues that I've been trying to keep unconscious so I now have the opportunity to acknowledge and deal with them. I suspect that the increase in use may be related to attempting to block these things out of awareness.

Also some daily yoga/stretching + meditation. I've been trying to get back into a routine for a while but now is a good time to be more rigorous about it.

Classes will be very helpful too. I figure if I have any business studying substance use and addiction that I should be able to regulate my own behavior as needed.

Thanks for suggestions :)
 
<3Legerity<3

I am really proud of you for acknowledging the issues you face, that takes true courage. I have complete faith in you that you can overcome whatever challenges you face.

As Enki said, you really need to have a plan, which it sounds like you're already in the process of making. I wish you all the best, and keep us updated with your progress if you like :) And of course, as always, I am only a PM away if you need to talk to someone <3
 
Good Luck! I wished I would have realized it in 8 months rather than 8 years. Like n3o said we are here if you need to talk <3
 
Just make a plan, it's not that hard. :)

Set some ground rules for yourself, and do the best you can. Keep a realistic and optimistic outlook about your situation. Don't expect you can quit a poly-drug addiction overnight, but also expect that you'll have to make a lot of life changes in a short amount of time, in a rather successful manner, to be able to have good odds at quitting a drug addiction. There are too many unfortunate reasons why relapse rates are so high.

A lot of us can help by explaining from our own experience what has helped us out the most.

What drug are you battling your use of? I didn't quite see it posted anywhere. I noticed you did mention benzodiazepines. If you have them by prescription, do you have someone in your life you can give them to, so that if you need them, you can get them as needed, but not have to hold onto the whole bottle yourself? This way - you won't be able to binge on benzos if you are tempted into that.

I haven't done that myself since I have never abused benzos nor felt the desire to, and I am really responsible with them. If I wasn't, I would give them to my fiancee, I would instruct her to hide them - very well - from me, and not to let me find out where they are. If I needed one, I would go into the other room or bathroom, and wait until she brought it out to me.

However since I am responsible with them, I just make sure that I don't go th rough more than prescribed (I never would). :)
 
Thanks all <3

@Captain.Heroin: I don't really care for much for benzos, but when using stimulants I can go through a lot of them. Aside from that I don't really have much desire to use them, so I'm fine keeping them around.

It is MDMA that I have been overdoing. MDMA itself isn't really what concerns me, and since the last time gave me a panic attack I think my body may force me into taking a break from it. My concern is more that I would end up using other stimulants like I have in the past if I did not address the reasons why I am starting to use MDMA this way.

I just started blogging to vent/rant about anything and everything which has been surprisingly therapeutic and I think will also help out. Makes my insanity a bit too obvious when I read it though 8o
 
(((HUGS))) I'm always here for you <3

Have you considered opening up here about some of the stuff that was bothering you? I know it would help if you got more thoughts/support about the underlying factors... this place is pretty non-judgemental and accepting.
 
i have come to the same realization myself. i always get to this point of using after i relapse though. i go on a long run, things get crazy, and i decide to 'slow down.'

i think its good that you can at least acknowledge that you are getting bad...and do something about it. time to make a change. addiction is a progressive disease. it does only get worse, NEVER better. so kudos to you. i wish you luck.
 
I just started to work a plan I set up for myself. I'm a young student and I don't need to let it progress until I'm full blown. I also broke personal rules/guidelines I set for my drug use without any justification...it just happened. Opiates are a mother fucking bitch. My focus has been on setting reasonable goals and working on my character. Don't beat yourself up. It's good that you've recognized it and want to do something. Good luck.
 
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