Time for action

This energy has been building inside of me, sometimes it drives me nuts trying to find an outlet that isn't self-serving.

The time has come to take action. I'm seeing too much pain. I'm seeing people hurting and I see them suffer.

I have it good. Its time to put everything into motion. I'll do the footwork and allow the results be what they may.

I am signed up for a 3 month class to become an EMT. An old friend of mine has a great deal of experience in this area (as does her husband).

She informed me that 90% of what I will learn will be on-the-job. She suggested I volunteer at an ambulance squad while I take my classes.

The other day I went to an ambulance station that she recommended as the best to run with. The people were very nice, informative and excited that I wanted to volunteer. They handed me an application and informed me that there was a $20 application fee that covers the background check.

Fuck!

I became instantly negative in my head. You see, before I went to rehab, a dude OD'd on my couch. I was unsuccessful in reviving him and had no choice but to call 911. The police arrived with the ambulance and charged me (spoons with resin, 37 empty bags of heroin [there weren't that many but I tear my bags in half so they counted the top halves of the bags], empty coke bags, used and unused syringes, weed and a bowl).

The charges were reduced from a felony to a Disorderly Conduct charge (I know most of the cops in my township and they think I'm an ok dude).

Anyway, instead of saying 'fuck it' and not even trying, I am going to list the charge on the application and apply anyway. If they shoot me down I will apply to another station, and another, and another until I am accepted as a volunteer.

Volunteering is a 6 month obligation and after I get my EMT certification they hold a meeting to see about hiring full time.

I won't give the fuck up on this. I need to do something and, call it egotistical if you want, I feel that I am needed as well.

I'm not doing enough at the moment in the name of 'service'. Perhaps if I get involved more the hurt of others won't hurt me so much.

For some reason I'm feeling very sensitive right now and I'm taking this as my insides telling me to 'get the fuck moving!'.

Tomorrow I will call the police station so I can list the charge exactly as they have it listed. I also have charges from 2000 that I'll need to look into.

If I'm not meant to be an EMT than I will take the lengthier route of continuing my classes to be a Drug/Alcohol counselor.

I can't sit and watch this shit anymore.

Its time to get involved and NOTHING (not even myself) is gonna fuck with this motivation.

 

If I'm not meant to be an EMT than I will take the lengthier route of continuing my classes to be a Drug/Alcohol counselor.

I think this would be a great idea- You would be awesome at either job I am sure!
I have often thought of doing this- or counseling in general- but also think of being a mental health case worker.......
I know how difficult the entire process of getting help is and would get alot of satisfaction in helping to ease the stress for people during that waiting period.......

 

I'm not doing enough at the moment in the name of 'service'

They got me making coffee and wiping ashtrays, seems to keep me busy, why don't u do the same?

It will get better.

 

I'm finding that service is similar to drugs in that a tolerance builds up and more becomes necessary.

In the beginning I was able to feed folks and give out clothes.

Now I just give rides to meetings, drug court and therapy for people, I'm involved in my home group and it looks like I'm gonna be the co-chairperson of the Public Information committee. Its all small stuff but I think it counts. If I really want to make a difference I gotta put forth the effort on a larger scale (school, volunteering with an ambulance squad). Once I find out what the volunteer schedule is I can find a shitty job as a cook somewhere and maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen.

I dunno, I always make these grandiose plans that are kinda unrealistic and then beat myself up because I haven't met these expectations that I set myself up to do in my head.

 

Why don't you try to get the GSR spot? Those people go to those monthly meeting things with all the other group GSR's and talk about money, and donations and shit.
I used to be the GSR for my old~old home group in Baton Rouge, Was pretty fun. We talked about thousands of dollars the city made and all kinds of shit. Kept me active for a while.

I can see where driving the druggie buggy around. While I was at the Salvation Army I had a guy drive me to another homeless shelter to get a health assessment done so I could be admitted here where I'm at. The guy was pissed off taking me their and expected me to walk, he didn't know that they had to come back and pick me up.
I tell ya that it's a lot of humility riding in a big ass van that saies "Salvation Army", people know whats up when they see it. :/

 

GSR is in my future if I get a year clean (that's the requirement). I've been going to Area Service the past couple of months (the PI Committe meets right before area starts) to observe. Area Service, for me, is boring and full of personalities but I can learn a lot from it.

Its kinda cool seeing where the donations go (Hospitals and Institutions mainly) it looks like the rest goes to Regional and the leftovers from that go to The World Service Office.

I would like to go to a Regional Service Meeting to see how things work there someday.

My homegroup is kinda small (only 5 active members at the moment) so they may vote me in regardless of clean time requirement. They may not however since we strictly adhere to our group format.