I think I was feeling some pain last night...withdrawal pain. Of course it was nothing compared to what I'm used to experiencing, but my legs did keep me awake most of the night, and i hate not being able to regulate a consistent temperature for more then 15 minutes. Even though I have been doing cotton shots today and yesterday, it still had been 48-72 hours since my last real dope shot, so I guess this would be the worst of the pain I'd experience unless I decided to use again, which for the most part is always on my mind.
On another topic...
I was going through old documents on my iPod, and came across a relapse scenario I had to submit the day of my graduation while I was in rehab. Reading it again makes me realize how much I was "in love" with this drug while I was in treatment. Here is a snippet of the two page paper:
...I opened the balloon with my teeth and took it out from the foil…I got a whiff of the faint smell of vinegar. My body trembled, I couldn’t wait. The surrounding people in the stalls and bathroom’s just added to rush of getting high, I took a small scoop of dope and poured it in the cooker with a little bit of water and heated it up. I dropped a cotton ball in and watched it suck up the dope just like how I would be in a few brief moments. I took the clean rig I had and stabbed it straight into the heart of the cotton, pulled back the plunger, and watched the syringe fill with a dark brown liquid.
By this point I couldn’t stop myself, I had no control over my hands, no control over my thoughts, this was how it had to be. I unstrapped the belt from my waist and tied up. I let my hand hang low so I could see which vein would be the best pick. For the first time in months…I actually had a choice for which vein I wanted. I pushed the needle in and felt it break the surface. It was time to register; I pulled back a little till a small air bubble filled the tip of the barrel. As I went deeper with the needle the bubble filled with blood. By this point I could barely contain the overwhelming feelings. I let go of the belt with my teeth and it spiraled around my bicep till it was a loose hold.
I took one deep breath and pushed the plunger down. I watched the barrel empty into my vein. By the time I pulled it out I could already feel my head spinning and legs going limp. I stumble to clean up but manage. I walk to the theater and meet Mama’s, the darkness provides the perfect cover…
Damn, just reading that makes me crave again, now I can see why everyone in treatment said they were "disturbed" after I read my paper.
If you want to read the whole paper, see my entry by clicking the following link.
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/blog.php?b=1717
On another topic...
I was going through old documents on my iPod, and came across a relapse scenario I had to submit the day of my graduation while I was in rehab. Reading it again makes me realize how much I was "in love" with this drug while I was in treatment. Here is a snippet of the two page paper:
...I opened the balloon with my teeth and took it out from the foil…I got a whiff of the faint smell of vinegar. My body trembled, I couldn’t wait. The surrounding people in the stalls and bathroom’s just added to rush of getting high, I took a small scoop of dope and poured it in the cooker with a little bit of water and heated it up. I dropped a cotton ball in and watched it suck up the dope just like how I would be in a few brief moments. I took the clean rig I had and stabbed it straight into the heart of the cotton, pulled back the plunger, and watched the syringe fill with a dark brown liquid.
By this point I couldn’t stop myself, I had no control over my hands, no control over my thoughts, this was how it had to be. I unstrapped the belt from my waist and tied up. I let my hand hang low so I could see which vein would be the best pick. For the first time in months…I actually had a choice for which vein I wanted. I pushed the needle in and felt it break the surface. It was time to register; I pulled back a little till a small air bubble filled the tip of the barrel. As I went deeper with the needle the bubble filled with blood. By this point I could barely contain the overwhelming feelings. I let go of the belt with my teeth and it spiraled around my bicep till it was a loose hold.
I took one deep breath and pushed the plunger down. I watched the barrel empty into my vein. By the time I pulled it out I could already feel my head spinning and legs going limp. I stumble to clean up but manage. I walk to the theater and meet Mama’s, the darkness provides the perfect cover…
Damn, just reading that makes me crave again, now I can see why everyone in treatment said they were "disturbed" after I read my paper.
If you want to read the whole paper, see my entry by clicking the following link.
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/blog.php?b=1717