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Thoughts

doofqueen

doofqueen

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2002
Messages
9,993
Location
Down Under
Hey there...this is my first post in this section of bluelight...i haven't even ever come in here to read anything until now and i just want to say that it is a really beautiful section and i can't believe i've never come in here before...i write "poetry" or rather just 'words' sometimes...usually when i'm depressed (which i have to say lately doesn't happen much which i'm grateful for) and when i'm confused mainly and sometimes when i'm really just estatic about life...anyway i thought i would share one of the poems that i wrote when i was really confused a few months back about life in general :)



Thoughts are unravelled
as i speak
i see
things are different
the world has colour
the birds sing
the beetles crawl
the tress whisper
thoughts are too many
too few
too much
not enough
jagged and quick
smooth and slow
how fast am i meant to be going?
what am i doing?
who me?
yeah
i'm trying to work that out
the blinkers are off
the mesh is no longer there
too much to look at
but no one gets it
do i?
pictures have different images now
is that what i want?
round and round
what do the images say?
bizare
new
more
less
simplify!
 
I liked it

I like the way it flows.

I like the words, and the format - the pace and feelings it evokes - very nice.

In my poems I just let it all pour out, and THEN worry I am always struggling with the correct mixture of my feeling, the feelings evoked, the form and words and rhyme, and the pace and form over all. The poems write themselves from that ONE voice in my head, which will not shut up until I put it on paper - complete and finished, and then I have to pick it apart and destroy it and rebuild it with my conscious will.

Nice work.

Read some of mine when you have time, I am new too, and I always ask for honest feedback.

Jeff
 
Thanks :)

When i write i do the same...just write it all down in the way it comes to my head but i don't pick it apart when i'm done...i find that when i'm in the mood to write (for whatever reason) i look at it after its done and it's worked out the way i wanted it to be expressed (to me anyway) 8(

Can i ask you what feelings you did get from it though? (just to see if my thoughts were read the way that i meant them to be)

I read one of yours already :)
 
the feelings evoked...

The feeling I get is that you examine your life carefully, and still have no idea where you are going or what you are doing.

Evidence of life going on all around you is irrefutable, yet you seem to be more of an observer than a participant.

In this respect it reminds me of Sylvia Plath's "Love Letter", one of my favorite poems - the observer role is powerful in this context.

You can find Plath's poem online in several places if interested.

By the way, thank you for your kind words about the poem I wrote and posted today. I do put my girl up on a platform - it bothers her sometimes, but I have simply fallen for her hopelessly, despite my supposed maturity and our age difference. You may enjoy some of the other poems I've posted - they are all very emotional and personal. I can't help it - it's just the way they flow from me, and she is always a central figure. Maybe one day I will move past this phase, but I hope not.

Jeff
 
Re: the feelings evoked...

dogbutt2112 said:

yet you seem to be more of an observer than a participant.

In this respect it reminds me of Sylvia Plath's "Love Letter", one of my favorite poems - the observer role is powerful in this context.
Click to expand...

hehe.... an observer? never! not silvia!!! (funnily enough thats doofys name jeff :)

And doofy i never knew you wrote... i liked your piece, i liked its format, i write like that, really scattered sentences, broken. but it makes u think more... :) well done chicky
 
thanks dogbut...at the time i was really confused and scattered when i wrote that hehehe but talian is right...im definitely a doer and not an observer although i do like to 'see' whats going on around me from many different angles

and yeah my name is Sylvia too =D thanks for your comments tal :)
 
It makes me think of opening your eyes for the first time, seeing that there's more to the world than you always thought, and then having that buzz through your head until you figure out how to adjust.

Nice one DQ, post some more of your stuff..I really liked this piece.

--Raz-- :)
 
raz...thats exactly how i felt when i wrote it...its what i was hopeing to express...i had come to a point where i just finally stopped...looked...and breathed :)

i'll post another one up soon *goes to have a look for it*

raver chick...thanks hun...same to u *hugs*
 
i think too much sometimes i've been told :\ Is there really such a thing though?

I want to write a poem about my son but just can't find the words to do it in :(
 
not really... you've unravelled them =D

I like it, I just sympathise too much to try explain why. Sometimes thoughts can only be captured one way, and I think you caught it.
 
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